


We Part Only to Meet Again

by mearcats, Somekindofflower



Category: ER (TV 1994)
Genre: (or is VERY convenient), (they may have resolved the sexual tension when they first dated but they brought it back), Aftermath of Violence, Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bedsharing, Canon Death of a Minor Character, Duelling, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fake Marriage, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Immigration & Emigration, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Inconvenient Realizations, Marriage of Convenience, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Non-Graphic Smut, Past Relationship(s), Relationship Discussions, Sharing a Bed, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Weddings, Welcome to tropefest 2k19, everything is fine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2019-10-09 23:14:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 48,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17414378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mearcats/pseuds/mearcats, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somekindofflower/pseuds/Somekindofflower
Summary: A problem springs up with Luka’s work visa and he is on the verge of having to leave the country. Abby can’t stand the thought of him leaving and offers a solution: a green card marriage. It might kill them both, but they're committed.Or: the fake marriage/marriage of convenience AU no one asked us for that we wrote anyway. AU from the end of 8x14.





	1. A Problem and a Solution

Sitting at the break room table, Abby pored over the newspaper listings for apartments. She had just circled one that looked tolerable at least, if not exactly promising, when Luka came in and headed to the coffee maker.

Glancing over at her, he raised a brow. “What are you doing?”

“Looking for a new apartment. When I went by earlier to see about cleaning up and getting settled back in, my landlord told me Brian got out on bail and was moving back in, and...yeah. I don’t want to stay in a hotel or crash on people’s couches much longer,” she said.

His face darkened at the mention of Brian. “He moved back in?”

“Yeah. Nothing’s settled yet, but he’s there and I don’t want to be.”

“You shouldn’t have to be,” he said, pulling out a chair and sitting next to her. “It’s not safe. Listen, if...well, until you find somewhere new or Brian goes back to jail, you can stay with me.”

She gave him an incredulous look. “Is that really a good idea?”

“Nothing meant by it, just...I have a couch, and you’ll be safer staying with me. I’d feel better about it too.”

“Thanks, Luka, but I’m not sure…” she trailed off.

His jaw tightened, and he shrugged. “Just think about it, okay? I can take the couch if we’re there at the same time. And you’d only have to sleep with me on weekends,” he said, one corner of his mouth twitching at the last part.

She stopped and stared at him in surprise (and to her dismay, she wasn’t at all put off at the notion). “What?”

He fought a smile for a moment more, then burst into a giggle that did things to her. “That was a joke, Abby. Just a joke.”

She chuckled and smacked his shoulder lightly. “Oh, shut up.”

“Seriously, though, think about it.”

“I will,” she said.

He nodded at her before finishing the last of his coffee and heading back out to the ER. Abby watched him leave, biting her lip.

&&&

Abby sighed and rubbed her face, wincing as her fingers found the still-swollen bruising. It still looked and felt awful, but she’d been okay enough to come back to work. She rummaged through her locker for her keys so she could head home when Weaver’s voice rang out, making her jump. She narrowly avoided hitting her head on on the top of the locker, turning in a hurry.

“Uh, could I speak with you, Abby?”

Was she in trouble? Anxiety churned in her gut, but she managed to nod. “Sure. Is, um, is everything okay?”

“It’s fine, I just need a word.” Weaver gestured for Abby to follow her into the suture room. Abby did  _not_  feel reassured that this was apparently to be a private chat.

“Did I do something wrong, or…?”

Shaking her head, Weaver said, “No, nothing like that. You’re an excellent nurse, I just—there’s a personal matter I need to talk to you about, and I’m not entirely sure how to bring it up.”

“Oh?” That was intriguing...

Weaver took a deep breath. “So, I was contacted by INS a couple days ago, and there’s been a big issue with Luka’s work visa. Apparently a few forms weren’t filed right, and with his two-month departure, it messed something up. He’s not going to be allowed to stay in the country after the end of this month, not unless we move quickly to get his paperwork in order.”

All the air left her in a rush, and Abby’s head swam. Luka leaving?  _Permanently_? Her heart twisted as she tried to breathe again. “I...I’m just a nurse. What can I do?”

Weaver sighed. “Luka is a fantastic doctor, but this isn’t really his forte. And I think he needs someone to talk to, and I wasn’t sure who else to ask.”

“I—we—” Words failed her as she tried to wrap her mind around a life at County without Luka, and she was surprised by how much she hated the idea. He just got back, and she was utterly miserable while he was gone. He couldn’t leave now, not again. And he didn’t really have anyone else to talk to other than her, and maybe Dr. Weaver. It’s not like Carter or Romano were going to chat with him.

Biting her lip in indecision, Weaver reached out and touched her arm. “I thought you should know, too. In case he doesn’t end up telling you.”

Well, that sounded like him. “I—thank you. But maybe you should be the one to talk to him. You clearly know more about everything, and I don’t know how I could help.”

Weaver pulled back her hand and ran it through her hair, grimacing. “I tried, but he all but ran off as soon as I told him.”

Yeah, that was definitely Luka.

Abby crossed her arms as she pondered what she could do, even as panic clawed at her throat. Finally, she nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.”

She turned to head for the door, but Weaver called out to her one last time. “Abby? Thank you. And whatever ends up happening...I’m here for you too if you need to talk.”

Her throat was  _not_  tight, not at all. She jerked her head forward in acknowledgment, not trusting herself to speak.

&&&

Abby took a deep breath as she stood in the hallway outside Luka’s apartment. She had a few ideas and plans about how to find a way to make him stay, and the easiest would just be seeing if his lawyer could fix this, but the next option...well, it scared the hell out of her. It would be worth it, nearly anything would be worth it to get Luka to stay, but she’d have to convince him, especially after Danijela and what he’d said in—

No, she wouldn’t think about what they’d said the night they broke up. She couldn’t believe that that was who they were, or she wouldn’t be able to do this, and she needed to focus. She might have some issues convincing him of her plan, but she was willing to beg if she had to, and she had a few tricks up her sleeve.

Music echoed faintly from under the door—it sounded like Jewel—and she gathered her courage and rapped at the door.

A couple of seconds passed before he answered the door, hair in disarray and wearing a shirt he sometimes wore to sleep. He blinked at her, then held the door open. “Come on in.”

Walking past him into the apartment, she headed down the stairs and stopped in the living room.

He followed her, standing a couple feet away. “So you decided to take—wait, where is your bag? Didn’t you bring anything?”

Abby waved his questions aside. “I have a couple things in my purse, but that—that’s not why I’m here.”

Giving her an odd look, he went to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee.

Taking a deep breath, she continued, “Dr. Weaver told me. About the immigration thing.”

“Oh. That,” he said.

She frowned at his seeming nonchalance. “Is...doesn’t it bother you? Don’t you want to stay?”  _Oh god, I sound so whiny and needy_ , she thought in annoyance.

Hearing her tone, he set the coffee canister down and came back to face her. “Of course I do.”

“Then…”

“I called my lawyer, and he’s not sure what happened or what went wrong. I’ll try to get it figured out, but I don’t have a lot of time to do that before my visa runs out.”

The prospect of Luka leaving—maybe permanently, but for a longer while at the very least—grew incredibly real. She wasn’t a customs official or a lawyer, but she was frantic to keep him here—oh god, when had he become so important to her? They were broken up, it shouldn’t matter to her this much.

Then she remembered his kindness, his compassion, they way he offered to let her stay with him. How fiercely protective she herself was of him, even when they weren’t together. Somehow without her realizing it, Luka had become her friend, maybe even her best friend.

She couldn’t lose him.

In her desperation, she blurted, “Marry me.”

&&&

Luka couldn’t...what?

Abby said...okay, she had to be joking or…

He finally made himself take a breath. “What?” He croaked out.

“Just...hear me out, okay? You’re going to have to go back to Croatia otherwise, and you don’t want to go. Well, I don’t want you to go either.”

Luka ran a hand through his hair and tried to think straight. He couldn’t believe it, but he’d rarely seen Abby this serious. When they had dated, he had just started letting himself dream that one day, she might marry him. But then, everything with her mother and Carter happened, and she’d pushed him away. It had been clear then, she wasn’t happy. Whatever she wanted, it wasn’t him.

They’d been able to salvage a real friendship somehow, and Luka thought that was probably because they’d never directly had a conversation about that terrible night. He had regretted his words ever since. But she had seemed happier, freer apart from him. As much as he wanted it, he couldn’t bear to be the reason for her unhappiness again.

Before he could stop himself, the question was out. “You weren’t happy when we were dating, why would you want to do this?”

Abby recoiled and he cringed. He hadn’t meant to be so blunt. “I’m sorry, Abby. But it’s—” He cut off instead of arguing that it was the truth.

She looked down at the floor before meeting his eyes. “It wasn’t like that, there was a lot of other stuff...it wasn’t just about us.” Her gaze darted away from his, and her voice went raspy . “When you were gone, I missed you, okay? I missed you like crazy. I don’t want to never see you again.”

It was getting to him, how affected Abby was that she would even consider marriage in order to keep him around. It hit him then. If he went back to Croatia, it was likely that he really would never see her again. That hurt worse than any of the other drama they’d been through. A green card marriage, though. He couldn’t do it, could he?

Luka sighed and took a closer look at Abby, trying to think of all the reasons this was a terrible idea. Her face was still slightly swollen and bruised from where that bastard had hit her. Her brown eyes were sparkling with tears. She was not making this easy on him.

“What would you get out of it?”

She squinted at him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, a fake marriage that allows me to stay here, I can’t do that, not when you don’t get anything out of it.” Luka stumbled over the word  _fake_. It wasn’t possible for him to consider a marriage to Abby as fake, not even if she did.

“You would stay.”

“Abby, come on.”

Abby took a deep breath and smirked at him, a little annoyed. “Well, I was hoping it wouldn’t take this, but, if you agree to it, I’ll let you help with my med school tuition.”

Luka paused at that and let out a breath. She knew how to get him.

“Plus, if we’re married, I can move in here. I won’t have to live in my apartment with Brian there.”

Shit, Abby really knew how to get him. She would be safe living with him and she’d let him help her go back to med school. Two major things he’d wanted when they were together that she’d pushed back on. She was going to give them to him?

“You’d let me pay for med school. Not just help.”

To Luka’s surprise, her face brightened. “Are you saying yes?”

“Abby, I don’t know. But that’s non-negotiable.”

She nodded at him. “Okay.”

Luka took in the determined set of her jaw and felt himself caving. She hadn’t argued that. This might actually be something she wanted. He wildly cast his mind around for any other objections he could think of to sway her. Carter’s face popped into his head and he bit back a groan as his shoulders slumped.

“You know that you couldn’t...you couldn’t date anyone.”

She scoffed. “I know, I wouldn’t do that, Luka.”  

“What about Carter?” He heard the bitterness in his own voice, but he couldn’t help it.

“What  _about_  Carter?”

Luka couldn’t help a slight eye-roll. “You two and your feelings for each other.”

Abby squinted at him. “I’m not going to date Carter.”

“I don’t want to hold you back.”

“Carter isn’t an issue. He’s not.”

Luka breathed hard, staring at her. “I-” He tried to start talking but couldn’t find any words in the face of her determination.

She must have sensed that he was weakening. Her hand landed on his arm as she stepped closer. “Just don’t...don’t say no. Please.” Her brown eyes pleaded with him as well and he finally closed his eyes in acquiescence.

“This is what you want?”

“Yes.”

“I shouldn’t let you do this.”

“ _Let_  me?”

“You know what I mean. I’m not saying no...but let’s sleep on it. If you still want this in the morning, we’ll talk about it more then.”

The spark in her eyes told him she wanted to argue with him, but instead, she nodded. “Okay. Is it alright if I grab a pillow and blanket from the bed and curl up on the couch? I’m beat.”

“I told you, I’ll take the couch, you take the bed.”

She smirked in response. “We both know you won’t be comfortable on the couch. I’ll be fine.”

A memory of her curling into his bare chest, laughing as he shifted around, flitted across his mind. Feeling his face heat, he agreed. She grabbed the stuff from his room as he hovered awkwardly.

Gesturing toward the bathroom, she grabbed her purse. “I’m just going to…”

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you in the morning, Abby.”

“Goodnight, Luka.”

&&&

Luka stared at the ceiling in the dark. It had been a hell of a day.

After the morning, he’d thought his biggest problem was going to be convincing Abby to come stay with him while her attacker was living in the apartment next to hers. He hadn’t been sleeping well ever since she had come into the ER with her face all beaten. His heart had stopped, seeing all that blood. Even beating the crap out of Brian didn’t stop Luka’s heart from hurting whenever he looked at her injured face.

Then at the end of his shift, Kerry had approached him to let him know about the visa issues. His heart had sunk. He found that as much as he’d avoided going home to Croatia, he wanted to leave Chicago even less.

After calling his lawyer and getting nowhere, he had decided maybe it was supposed to happen. As much as he liked Chicago, liked having a permanent job at County, he really didn’t have much to hold him here. Not without Abby.

The universe, or God, or whatever, really did have it out for him, it seemed. He could stay here with Abby. Marry Abby. Live with her, take care of her, things he didn’t get to do while they were together. He could have those things now, but he couldn’t really have  _her_. It sounded like torture, but compared to losing her entirely? To never seeing her again?

Oh god, he was going to do it. If Abby still wanted to do this by morning, he was saying yes.

&&&

Abby’s head popped up when he started the coffee grinder. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you, but I don’t know when your shift is. I’m on tonight. And we should talk.”

“Yeah,” she mumbled as she stood up groggily. “Um, can I go to the bathroom first and then get some of that mud you call coffee?”

“Sure, I’ll put a lot of cream in it for you.”

She nodded as she stumbled off. Luka concentrated on fixing their coffee and tried to ignore the pounding of his heart. Her mind might have changed overnight. He tried to steel himself. Either way, he was going to have to prepare for a massive change.

He doctored her coffee the way she liked and handed it to her as she sat down at the table. He looked at her carefully.

“Hey, the swelling’s gone down.”

“Yeah, it feels a lot better this morning.” After a long sip of her coffee, Abby fiddled with the mug before looking up at him. “So?”

“Did you change your mind?”

She met his eyes and shook her head. “No.”

Luka cleared his throat and felt his pulse quicken. “You’re sure this is what you want?”

Her eyebrows lifted. “Are you saying yes?”

“I should say no. I shouldn’t let you do this, but…”

“I’m sure, Luka.”

He took a deep breath. “Okay, then, let’s get married.”


	2. Fool for Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby and Luka rush around to get ready for their whirlwind wedding and let a few people in on the plan, with some occasional freaking out.

The hot water rained down on Abby’s head as she tried to let it calm her. As much as she needed the coffee, she shouldn’t have drunk Luka’s. It was adding to her jitters and the churning in her stomach.

Marriage! What had she been thinking?

Her marriage to Richard had been a disaster. She hadn’t planned on getting married again, especially not so soon. Especially just to do it, without a real reason…but keeping Luka here _was_ a good enough reason. Wasn’t it?

Luka would let her back out, Abby knew. But all the reasons she’d suggested it were still there. His leaving would still be worse. So what was her problem?

 _“You weren’t happy when we were together.”_ Well, he’d misunderstood that completely. It wasn’t because of him, not exactly. She hated to confront it, but she forced herself to think about it. If they were going to do this, she at least had to be honest with herself. He wanted a stand-in for his wife. Danijela. That still stung. She had needed to shut him out. If Abby had let him in, had let him see her heart, let him know all about her past and her present struggles, it would be too hard when he saw her for who she was and left her. Not that it hadn’t still hurt like hell, anyway.

As for the Carter thing, well, her feelings there were complicated. She couldn’t deny that there was some interest there, yes. It also seemed so simple compared to Luka. Carter knew she was a drunk and he had his own struggles with addiction. With the Maggie thing, he’d been understanding, and he’d helped just how she’d wanted him to, followed her lead. Even if that hadn’t turned out so well. Luka had tried, but she still didn’t get where he’d been coming from. She knew she had stonewalled him, too. Dammit, they were probably going to have to talk about that. Great.

With Luka, a lack of chemistry or romantic feelings was never the problem. Carter had said she was still hung up on Luka, and she hadn’t been able to deny it. She still couldn’t. Which was why this was probably her dumbest idea ever.

It wasn’t marrying Luka that was scary, not for her. It was giving him the ability to break her heart. Completely, this time.

Luka leaving and never coming back was a guaranteed heartbreak, though. This would have to work. Abby would just have to figure out how to protect her heart better.

&&&

They both had shifts that night. So after breakfast, they took turns in the shower. Abby’s stomach jumped at the sight of him coming out of the bathroom with his hair damp, smelling strongly of his familiar soap and shampoo. All she wanted to do was bury her face in his chest and have him hold her. Thank God he’d changed clothes in there. If he’d come out in a towel, she’d have been done for. Her memory unhelpfully supplied her with the image, to her chagrin. Damn.

Yep, she was screwed.

“I need to go see my lawyer before we go get the license.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just want to make sure I have all my documents and see what other paperwork or whatever else we need to do.”

Fear ran through her. “Is it going to be a problem?”

Luka leaned on the table and looked at her. “Abby, if we get married and take vows…I’m going to mean them. That’s enough to make it not a problem. Unless you can’t do that.” His eyes were piercing and she could see the truth of what he was saying. She simply nodded. The fierce seriousness with which he’d said that had surprised her.

“Okay, well, I know I need my birth certificate and divorce decree. Plus, I guess I need to pack a bigger bag, anyway, so I’ll have to go by my place. I can do that while you’re meeting with your lawyer.”

“You’re going to your apartment? I’m coming with you then.”

Abby sighed in resignation. Of course he would protest. It wasn’t even that she wanted to go over there by herself, but she needed to. She met Luka’s frown with her own.

“Brian is supposed to be on campus until at least 11:30. It’s 8:00 now, that gives me plenty of time.”

It was plain how much Luka wanted to argue with her, as he bit his lip and stared her down. She cut him off.

“Look, we have a ton to do today. We don’t know how long it will take to get the license, and we have shifts tonight. Also, I’d really like to get a new dress. I don’t want to wear an old bridesmaid dress and I got rid of all the ones from when I was married to Richard. You can’t be there for that.”

“Why not?”

Abby avoided his curious gaze by getting up to wash out her mug. “You know, just...bad luck and all that,” she muttered in response, immediately turning on the faucet. His surprised laugh was still audible over the running water. When she turned to look at him, he was smiling. How was he taking this so calmly?

He turned serious to warn her. “Make sure he’s not there first, and check the hallway before you undo the locks, okay?”

She wondered what it meant that his protectiveness no longer bothered her. At least, not in this particular case. “Okay.”

&&&

As gung-ho as she’d been for Luka’s sake, Abby still felt sick as she parked her car on the street near her building. She looked up and down the street. No sign of Brian.

She reminded herself that she could always leave and get Luka to come back with her if it was too much. This time, though, she wanted to do it alone.

Whatever she had told Luka, she needed to prove to herself that this marriage wasn’t about being afraid to go home, about facing Brian without him.

Still, Abby did follow Luka’s advice and check the hallway carefully before entering. It was empty. Feeling like an idiot, she moved as quickly as possible until she turned the lock and slid the chain into place.

Why had she wanted to do this again?

Wedding. Right.

She let herself take one last deep breath and shook herself before moving to the bedroom and grabbing her suitcase. Methodically moving through the drawers, she grabbed whatever she might need in the next couple of weeks. Her lingerie drawer gave her pause. Before she could think about it too hard, she dumped the lot in the bag. She didn’t know what kind of dress she’d find, after all. There might be a certain kind of bra she would need, and she would hate to come back just for that. The skeptical voice in the back of her mind that said it was about Luka could shut it.

The box with her documents was placed on top. Giving her pillows a once-over, she decided to leave them. She preferred Luka’s, anyway. What? They smelled good. Sue her.

The bathroom was harder. The bloody washcloth from that night got tossed into the trash. With her vision blurring a bit, she started throwing makeup and toiletries into her small kit without even looking.

As fast as she could get there, Abby was back in the car. She locked the doors. It was done. Time to go find a dress.

&&&

Luka took a deep breath as he stepped out of his car onto the sidewalk in front of his lawyer’s office. To think, just a few days before, he’d been considering buying some massively impractical car and new bar stools, and instead he was here planning his wedding to the woman of his dreams.

Too bad it was nothing like how he’d envisioned it.

He shook his head and continued on his way, realizing he had too much to do to dally. As soon as he was buzzed in, he headed back to Leo’s office and knocked on the door.

“Come in!”

Luka took a seat in one of the chairs in front of the massive desk, only Leo’s balding head visible over the top of the folio he was thumbing through. “Sorry for showing up without an appointment, but I have some things to discuss.”

“Oh, you’re not my assistant. Thought she was bringing me a deposition.” Leo set the folder down and peered over the rims of his glasses at Luka.

He merely shrugged in reply.

“Well, what can I do for you today? I don’t think I can do much more than I told you on the phone yesterday, at least not that quickly. After, that’s another story, but time isn’t your friend.”

“I’m getting married.”

Leo blinked at him in incomprehension for nearly a full minute until he shook his head and started firing off questions. “To an American citizen? Is this some sort of green card thing?”

“Uh, no—I mean, yes, she’s American. She’s my ex-girlfriend, the one I broke up with about six months ago? We...we got back together after my trip to Croatia and hearing I might have to leave. I guess it made us see things in focus again.” Luka forced himself to smile to give credence to the almost-truth.

Rolling his eyes, Leo nodded, clearly not entirely believing him but willing to proceed. “Okay, so that could work. I’m assuming this is happening quickly?”

“We’re going to get the license after this, so yes.”

Leo brusquely instructed him in what he needed to do to make everything legal, especially within his and Abby’s limited time frame. He handed him a stack of papers and warned him they’d likely have a couple of interviews with the INS because no matter how much he and his wife-to-be loved each other, the timing _did_ look suspicious.

“Thank you for everything, I really mean it,” Luka said sincerely.

Waving the thanks aside, Leo smiled. “The things we do for love. I’d say to save me a piece of cake, but Mrs. Leo would be after me about my sugar.”

“Do...do you want to come to the wedding?”

“No, no, I was joking. Just have a blast, take some good pictures of you and your wife smiling and kissing, and pay my invoice on time,” Leo said with a laugh.

Luka agreed, horror dawning at part of what Leo said as he realized he and Abby had forgotten one very key detail in this whole arrangement, and it was going to be torture.

&&&

In any other circumstance, Luka would be ecstatic at the chance to hold Abby again, to show how much he felt for her. But this particular circumstance? Not so much, and he didn’t think she had considered this when she’d made her proposal. He bit his lip, glancing over at Abby in the passenger seat as he struggled to find a way to tell her about his realization. Groaning internally, he knew he would probably just have to be blunt.

As if sensing his gaze, she turned to look up at him. “What is it?”

Huffing out a sigh, he said, “I just—we’re going to have to kiss. At the wedding.”

She was looking at him as though he’d grown two heads, so he plowed on. “And...if we want to convince people we really mean this, we’re going to have to act like we care.”

She looked away, but he caught the brittle smile on her face. “Acting, right.”

“I’m serious, Abby. We’ll have to hold hands and kiss each other and just...touch each other like a couple, not like we do now. Especially if want them to think this was a passionate reconciliation.”

“What a chore,” she said with a snort.

Luka barely refrained from rubbing his temples. She sounded upset, but for the life of him he couldn’t figure out why—oh. Unless she really didn’t want to be touched by him like that.

“I promise that I won’t ever do anything you don’t want me to, but there will be things people expect to see.”

“It’s fine, Luka. We can just lie back and think of England. Or Croatia, whatever.”

Now he was just more confused than ever. God, he hated English sometimes, with all its weird idioms and sayings. He hoped this was one, because he was utterly and completely lost.

Abby must have glanced back and seen his puzzlement, because she softened and sighed, placing a hand on his forearm. “Hey, it’s okay. We’ll be fine at the ceremony, and well, we dated before, so we can hold hands and all that jazz again and it won’t be a problem. It’ll be like riding a bike.”

He hated that he was putting her through this, even if a pang of longing did shoot through him at the idea of holding her in his arms again, the idea of kissing her, even if it was in front of an audience. “I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

She looked like she was on the verge of replying—something sassy, undoubtedly—but instead she just bit her lip and shrugged one shoulder.

After a long pause, he asked, “What does ‘lie back and think of England’ mean?”

&&&

After they finished a quick lunch together, they headed out to get their license. Between waiting in lines and the extra paperwork they needed for Luka, it took a few hours and they had to rush home to get ready for work afterward.

Before heading through the doors together, they nodded at each other and took a deep breath. Luka nearly started when Abby slipped her hand into his, his pulse racing and his cheeks heating. The warmth of that small gesture threatened to undo him, and he sternly chided himself to pull it together.

“We’re a little early—why don’t we find Kerry and let her know about the, uh, the marriage? There will probably be a process for getting these changes in the system that she’ll have to know about,” Luka said.

“Oh, sure.”

To his relief, Kerry came into the doctor’s lounge, sparing them the chore of searching for her while trying to figure out whether they should be holding hands or whispering sugary nothings to each other.

“Luka, I need to talk to you about—”

“Kerry, Abby and I have an announcement—”

They both began speaking at once, Abby standing a few feet away, an eyebrow raised as she stared at them in bemusement.

Kerry cocked her head to the side and motioned for him to continue.

“Abby and I are getting married,” he said.

She stood there silently, leaning on her crutch as she blinked at him—at them—owlishly. “Is this because—no, never mind. Um, congratulations to both of you. When...when is the big day?”

“Tomorrow,” Abby supplied helpfully.

“Well, then what are you two doing here?!”

“Working?”

“God, Luka, no. Both of you, go home and finish getting ready. I’m sure you have a lot to do with as sudden as this is.”

He and Abby exchanged a look. Kerry certain wasn’t wrong about that…He nodded, running a hand through his hair. “Thanks, Kerry.”

“I see you’re both off tomorrow anyway, so that’s fine, but I probably can’t get you any additional days until the next schedule anyway, if you were planning on taking a honeymoon or just needed to get things done.”

Shit, a honeymoon. He hadn’t even considered that, or that people might expect them to take one. Well, they could add that to the list of things they needed to figure out later.

Luka took a deep breath and said, “Seriously, thank you. Uh, if you want, it would mean a lot to me—and to Abby—if you would come to our wedding.” He glanced down at Abby pleadingly, hoping she’d be okay with it. He didn’t have many friends, and things weren’t always easy between them, but Kerry was one of the few people he knew he could count on.

Abby looked uncertain for a moment, then nodded. “Yes. Uh, yeah, our appointment at City Hall is at 3:30.”

“I...thank you. I’ll be there.”

“If we’re going to head out, Luka, let me go grab something. And tell Haleh?”

He reached down and squeezed her hand before letting go. “Of course.”

“And I mean it, Abby—congratulations. I’ll look forward to seeing you both tomorrow. If you end up changing your name, there’ll be paperwork, but the nurse manager will be able to talk to you about that.”

Abby smiled a bit stiffly and slipped away.

That left him alone with Kerry, and he wondered if she might say or ask something more now it was just the two of them. She looked like she was considering it, then she shook her head.

“Well, if you haven’t talked to your lawyer yet, I’d get on that.”

“Did you still have something you wanted to talk about? I know we surprised you with our announcement.”

“I just had a couple of ideas about your immigration issue, but those don’t really apply anymore.”

He shrugged and smiled at her. “I know you talked to Abby, and, well...thank you.”

Kerry softened and returned his smile. “You would do the same for me, and you—well, you were there for me last year when I needed someone.”

“It’s what friends do, yeah?”

She looked stunned, then nodded brusquely. “Yes, it is.”

He was about ready to make his excuses so he could go find Abby, but then she called out. “Do you two have rings? It’ll look odd if you don’t, and you don’t necessarily need anything fancy.”

Rings, shit. “Oh, uh...I think we’ll probably go get rings right now, since we’re not working.”

“Good. And Luka?”

“Yeah?”

“I really am happy for you.”

&&&

Abby snuck off from that slightly uncomfortable conversation. She didn’t quite know what to make of Kerry Weaver, but knew that she and Luka had a sort of strange friendship. Sometimes, like today, she could see why.

Still, Abby didn’t want her to be the only guest at their wedding. Mentally going through the list of their coworkers, she decided she definitely wanted to invite Haleh. It would be fun to have Malik and Chuny there, IF they could keep the secret. So, Haleh was the first option.

“Hey, Frank, do you know where Haleh is?

“She and Chuny are on a break. I think they went to Doc Magoo’s. Hey, aren’t you on in ten?”

“Not anymore, see you Friday, Frank!” She dashed out before he could bombard her with any further questions. Hopefully she’d be back before Luka looked for her.

“Abby, hi!” Chuny called when she entered. Abby glanced around the diner and was relieved to find no other ER workers. She would risk telling Chuny. Surely she could hold it in for a few days.

“Hi, guys.”

“We were just talking about you. Are you and Kovač back together?” Haleh asked with a sly smile.

Abby was caught off-guard. “Uh, how…?”

“Girl, did you really think we wouldn’t notice you two were holding hands?” Chuny raised an eyebrow at her. It was hard not to cringe. It had felt so right to have her hand in his again, but knowing it was against his will...it stung.

“Oh. Yeah, we’re back together.”  She slid into the booth, next to Haleh. There was no real way Abby could ease into it, so she just blurted it out. “We’re getting married tomorrow.”

The two nurses stared at her in shock. After a moment, Chuny started laughing. “Good one, Abby, nice try.”

Abby pursed her lips and gave them a sheepish shrug. “No, seriously.”

Chuny’s mouth was open in shock, but Haleh finally smiled softly. “Well, congratulations. I know you’ve missed him.”

“He’s never stopped staring at you when you’re not looking, either. If he looked at me like that, I’d marry him, too.”

Abby’s stomach swooped. She wasn’t sure what to do with that information. “Yeah, well, I wanted to see if you two could come? It’s nothing fancy, just City Hall in the afternoon, but we’d like to have some friends there.”

“Abby, I’d love to! Of course. I’m off tomorrow, so just let me know when.” Chuny seemed to have recovered from her surprise.

“I wish I could, but I’m on day shift tomorrow. Are you having a reception?”

“Uh...we haven’t actually talked about that yet. We’ll probably go to dinner afterward.” Hopefully Luka would be okay with that. How had she forgotten about a reception?

The other two shared a look that Abby didn’t like. Before she could call them on it, the door opened and Luka stepped inside. She stood up, feeling like she’d dropped a bomb and was now running away.

“I’ll see you two tomorrow? 3:30, and I’ll get back to you about the...other. Oh, and, uh, please don’t tell anyone yet? Thanks!”

She heard them calling goodbyes as she squeezed past Luka and through the door.

Once she made it to Luka’s car and climbed in, she buried her face in her hands. He climbed in the other side and she could feel him watching her.

“Are you okay?”

At his touch on her shoulder, her thoughts paused. She sat up to find him looking at her in concern.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m fine. They were just asking questions and I got overwhelmed. There’s so much we have to decide and talk about.”

“We will,” he answered in that soothing tone that she both loved and hated that it worked.

“Luka. You know we kind of both suck at that, right? Talking?”

Acknowledging that with a sigh, he leaned back. “We did, but I like to think we’ve gotten better. We’ll keep trying, okay?”

She nodded. They had too much to do to get into a deep discussion right then, anyway. “Okay, so what do we do first?”

“Well, Kerry reminded me we need to get rings, so let’s start there.”

Shit, rings. Right.

She didn’t have the best memories of a ring on her finger. This was Luka, not Richard, she reminded herself. Also, it wasn’t real, so why was it making her throat tight?

“Do you know what you want? If we get something simple, it shouldn’t take too long.”

“I know I don’t want white gold. It’s what I had with Richard.”

“Oh, yeah. I, uh, that’s what I had too, before.”

Abby faltered. She never knew what to do when the subject of his family came up. Torn between wanting to know more and not wanting to push, she usually erred on the side of waiting for him to speak about it, but…

“We can get a matching set, then.”

“Sure,” she answered. “Uh, there’s a jewelry store a couple blocks down, on the left.”

Once inside, the clerk escorted them to an area in the back of the store to wait in some chairs.

“Are you okay?”

“Mmhmm,” she muttered, tapping against the glass..

“Abby.” Luka’s hand reached over and grabbed her own. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” she replied automatically, and Luka tilted his head and lifted his eyebrows. “Well, no...this is just reminding me of my first marriage.”

There was a long pause. “I can see that. Richard and I are so much alike.” She squinted her eyes at him until a grin cracked his face.

“Jerk,” she laughed and shoved his shoulder. “Nah, you’re nothing like him, I know that. You’re not controlling and you’re not a cheater.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the clerk returning.

It was quick work to get them sized, and the jeweler let them choose from a tray of yellow gold bands.  

“They all look the same to me.”

Abby rolled her eyes before pointing to a set of plain, thin rings.

“Would you like to try it on first? It will be big on you, Abby, but we can size it down if you like it.”

She reached out, but the man held the tray out toward Luka, who looked startled. But he smoothed out his expression and grabbed the ring, taking her left hand in his. He slid the ring on her finger and Abby’s heart stuttered. Luka stared at the ring on her finger and ran his thumb across the back of her hand before turning his green eyes on her.

“What do you think?”

Abby made herself glance away from him to the ring. “I think I like it.”

He squeezed her hand as he gave her a gentle smile and looked to the clerk. “We’ll take the set.”

&&&

On the way home, Abby suddenly remembered. “Oh shit!”

Luka hit the brakes. “What?! What?”

“Crap, the reception. I completely forgot.”

Luka breathed deeply and resumed driving. “You scared me. I already took care of the reception. I made reservations at Olympic Grill at 6:30. I mean, if that’s okay with you.”

Abby stared at him in surprise. “When did you do that?”

“After I talked to Kerry, I called from work. Is that okay?”

Tears stung her eyes. He’d not only taken care of it, but picked the place that had been her favorite when they were dating. It was a little Greek place just down the street from the hotel where he used to live.

Damn, that was...wow. It was downright romantic of him.

“When Kerry asked me about the honeymoon, it made me think about what else we might be forgetting. If you don’t like it, I can cancel and we can do something else, I just thought--”

“No, I like it. I wouldn’t have thought of it, but it’s great.”

Abby sat and watched Luka make dinner for the two of them back at his apartment. Well, _their_ apartment. A familiar thought occurred to her: he was made for this, made to be a husband. Watching him in such a domestic scene, she couldn’t help but regret how they had ended. That time had been so fraught with drama, and despite that, somehow they had carved out this friendship. And now...   

They chatted about anything but the wedding throughout the meal and clean-up. They swapped patient stories, she caught him up on Maggie, just everyday chatter. It was exactly the laid-back evening she needed. Once she truly relaxed, she realized just how exhausted she was. A huge yawn escaped her.

“I think I’m going to bed. Or well, couch.”

He smiled sympathetically from the other end of the island. “Yeah, it was a pretty long day.”

“Well, and...until last night, I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since before the thing with Brian.”

It was weird, now that she thought about it. She probably should have tossed and turned. Especially considering the hanging question of whether or not they were getting married. But being here, being with Luka, she felt safe, finally. With that, and with how great Luka had been throughout the day, taking care of things, calming her, being a true partner...

Before she could overthink it, she strode to him, wrapped her arms around his waist, and tucked her face against his chest. For a second, he tensed, but then he curled himself around her and relaxed. God, she had missed that. She let her eyes close as she breathed him in.

“Thank you for today, Luka. I know it was crazy and stressful, but you made it easy. Just...thank you.”

“Well, I have to take care of my wife-to-be, yeah?”

She squeezed him before stepping back and tilting her head at him in faux exasperation. “Just take the thanks, husband-to-be.”

He gave her a tender smile. “You’re welcome. Goodnight, Abby.”

“Goodnight, Luka.”    

All through her bedtime routine, until she fell asleep on the couch, Abby couldn’t ignore it. A tiny stirring was growing inside her, one that felt remarkably like hope.

Maybe this marriage thing could work.


	3. Getting Hitched

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding day arrives with its fresh joys and ways to panic.

Luka rolled over and stared at the blinking light of his alarm clock. 8:34, and he’d been awake for at least an hour already.

He didn’t have a shift, didn’t have some errand that needed to be run, didn’t have anything to take his mind off the fact that he was getting married in seven hours.

If this were anything approaching a normal wedding, Abby would be here in bed next to him right now, which would  _definitely_  give him a distraction from his nerves. Instead, she was out in the living room, sleeping on the couch.

It was just so different than anything he’d experienced, thought about, or hoped for.

Hell, he’d been nervous the morning of his wedding to Danijela, and he’d woken alone then too. But he’d been 20, and his fears had more to do with the unknown and everything he hadn’t experienced, not...not this fear that he was doing something that would hurt Abby and him even more than he’d already done.

He didn’t want to back out, he wouldn’t do that to Abby when she seemed to want this—at least parts of this life with him. She wanted him to stay, and that had to be enough for him.

And if he was honest with himself...he was a little selfish. He wanted Abby to be his wife, and he wanted to be her husband. She would, in the eyes of the law and their friends and loved ones, be his in every sense.

It might not be true, but only he and Abby (and maybe Kerry and Leo) knew that. And maybe, MAYBE, if he played this right, gave her the space she wanted, this could grow into a real marriage.

He rubbed his eyes and let out a breath, praying he wasn’t being an optimistic fool. And, well, he could start with breakfast.

It was time to get up and face his nerves...and his fiancee.

&&&

He decided to go grab coffee and breakfast burritos from the corner deli. Luka wasn’t sure he could concentrate long enough to put together a meal without burning it, so he slipped out the door while Abby slept under the mound of blankets he’d gotten out for her.

He ambled slowly, trying to breathe in the not-quite-fresh air of the city. He couldn’t stop fidgeting; he wasn’t sure if he had a million things to do or if he just needed to find something to occupy him.

This would be easier once Abby woke up. With her to talk to, his nerves wouldn’t get the best of him. Something about her, about being around her, was just...soothing.

The memory of her embrace last night sprang to mind, and he smiled as he opened the door to the deli. The scent of her hair, her slight curves pressed up against him—it was just as he remembered.

He placed his order, and left whistling as he carried their coffee and breakfast back to the apartment. Today might not be what he thought it was, but Abby was the closest thing to home he’d known in over a decade, and that was enough.

&&&

Abby woke to the smell of coffee and sausage. Lying still, she waited for nerves to wash over her. Instead, she was bubbly with anticipation. Her freak-out yesterday and Luka’s subsequent calming routine must have gotten it out of her system. Thankfully, it hadn’t made Luka assume that they needed to back out. It was a huge step, an  _unusual_  one, but one she  _wanted_ , more than she knew she could.

She sat up and ran a hand through her hair. Luka was bustling around the kitchen, setting out breakfast.

“Good morning.”

His head snapped up as he startled.  “Sorry, I didn’t know you were awake.”

“Just now. I’m starving. Thanks for getting breakfast, it smells great.”

He gave her a shy smile, looking down at the counter. “Got you coffee, too, since you can’t handle mine.”

“Yes, well, there are military generals who couldn’t handle yours.” Abby stood across the island from Luka as she breathed in the coffee before taking a sip. “Mm. Much better.”

They ate their breakfast quietly. It was comfortable at first, but there was a tension rolling off Luka that grew until she had to acknowledge it.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah!”

Abby stared up at him in amusement. “Luka.”

He sighed and his shoulders sank. “Okay, I’m just…nervous, I guess.” Abby swallowed. It was his turn, she supposed. Which meant it was her turn to be supportive.

“How can I help?”

“Can we talk about something? Anything?”

“Okay, um…oh. Is your blue shirt clean?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“My dress is dark blue, and I think they’ll look nice together.”

“You didn’t want a white wedding dress?” He shoved a bite of burrito into his mouth.

“No, I didn’t want to do that again.” Abby weighed whether or not to continue and decided it couldn’t hurt to tease him a bit. But she did decide to wait until he had safely swallowed. “Plus, you of all people should not expect me to dress like some virginal bride.”

Luka choked out a shocked laugh and raised his eyebrows at her, his face going red.

She shrugged at him. “Well, it’s true. And that way I have my ‘something blue’ and ‘something new’.”

His face scrunched in confusion.

“It’s an American tradition—brides are supposed to have ‘something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.’ For luck.”

“You’re all about luck lately.” He grinned at her and she smiled back, relieved to see him relax.

“I scoffed at it the first time, so…it can’t hurt, right?”

He shrugged. “Uh, yeah.”

“What else do we need to talk about?” At least she was used to pulling words from Luka like pulling teeth. He deserved a pass on that, however. At least for today.

“Kerry mentioned a honeymoon. What do we tell people about that?”

Shit. Honeymoon. Right.

It wasn’t that a vacation with Luka wouldn’t be nice. She was sure it would be. Calling it a  _honeymoon_  when it meant  _sexless vacation with the friend who happens to be my gorgeous husband_ , though…it sounded absurd.

Abby moved to the couch and sat down, shoving the blankets aside. Luka followed, hovering awkwardly until she gestured for him to sit. They each thought for a minute.

“I guess we could travel outside the country. I don’t have my passport, and that will probably take a while.” She looked over at Luka to find him fiddling with the unraveled string from a blanket. “We don’t have to decide now if you aren’t ready.”

“No, it’s just…would you like to go to Croatia with me?” Surprise washed over her and took over her thoughts for a moment. He had talked so little to her about home that she assumed he wanted to keep it separate from her. “We could go in the summer, the beaches are beautiful. And I would really like you to meet my family. Especially my father.” He bit his lip. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I think I would like that. It gives us some time, too.”

“Okay.”

Luka went back to fiddling with the blanket and Abby sighed. They were going to do this in fits and starts, apparently. She hoped it wasn’t second thoughts. After getting the license, he would definitely be deported if they backed out.

If he did want to back out, she’d have to let him. Getting married after losing Danijela and his children couldn’t be easy in even the best circumstances. Selfishly, she wasn’t going to bring it up. If he changed his mind, he’d have to tell her.

There was at least one more thing they needed to settle. “After Dr. Weaver mentioned it yesterday, I’ve been thinking, and um…” She trailed off as he looked up at her in question. “If it’s okay with you…I’d like to change my name.”

Eyebrows raised high, Luka gaped at her. “I, uh, I thought you wanted to keep Lockhart. And you’ll have to correct people all the time with Kovač, believe me.”

“It’s still way better than Wyczenski. Lockhart is Richard’s name, and I would keep it and make it my own if it weren’t for us getting married, but since we are, I…”

Abby trailed off as she took in Luka’s blank face. “Look, if you aren’t comfortable with that, I can keep Lockhart. I mean, that was my plan. I won’t change it if you don’t want me to.”

“No, Abby, it’s not…” Luka reached out for her but stopped. “I just don’t want you to feel like you have to do this because of the thing with INS. I don’t want you to do anything that you’ll regret later.”

He looked at her in that piercing, pleading way of his, and she knew they weren’t just talking about the name. “Luka, I’m not. I’m a big girl. Trust me, okay?”

Biting his lip, he nodded at her. “Okay.” But he still looked antsy.

Peeking at the clock, she saw it was only 10:23. “We definitely need to get you out of here. How about I go get dressed and then I kick your ass at pool?”

Luka’s mouth quirked into a sideways smile. “You can try.”

She stopped. “Oh, and I got you a tie to match my dress. You don’t have to wear it, but I thought it might look nice.”

He gave her a calculating look. “How about I wear it if you kick my ass at pool?”

“Okay. It’s going to look good on you.”

He grinned and Abby smiled at her victory.

&&&

His hands shook as he fumbled with the buttons on his blue shirt as he stood in the living room, having ceded the bedroom to Abby so she could get ready.

Dammit, he was going to have to ask her to help him with his tie (the one that she picked out to match her dress, and if that doesn’t make his heart pound faster). And she would, because she was kind and understanding, and just...perfect. Luka sighed.

Taking a deep breath, he glanced over at the larger jewelry box next to the one holding their rings. He draped his tie loosely around his neck and picked up the box, heading to the closed door.

He knocked quietly. “Abby?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I come in?”

“Oh...um, sure.”

He stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. Turning to face Abby, his mouth fell open as he stared at her.

He had seen her in a suit, he’d seen her in scrubs, he’d seen her in jeans, in lingerie, and he’d even seen her in nothing. None of that had prepared him for the sight of her, radiant, in a long, navy satin dress. The cut was simple but the material skimmed her body in a way that had him reminding himself he could not, in fact, tackle her onto the bed and have his way with her.

She stood there blushing. “What?”

“Huh?”

“Did you need something? When you came in?”

Luka still gaped at her. “Uh...yes.”

Abby raised a delicate brow in question, her mouth twitching with amusement.

Shaking his head, he tried to find the words he needed. “I, ah, need help with my tie, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course.”

She stepped close in front of him and reached for his tie, her hands brushing against his chest. Something about that light touch had the tension flowing out of him, and he watched in silence as she knotted his tie.

“There you go.”

“Thank you.”

“Your jacket…?”

“Oh, it’s out in the living room. I’ll put it on when we’re ready to go,” he said, pausing briefly. “I, uh, I have something for you.”

“Luka, you didn’t need to…” her voice trailed off as he pulled the box from behind his back.

He opened the box to show her the pearls, and she stared down at them, an unreadable look on her face. “I—they were my mother’s. It’s a family tradition to wear your mother’s pearls, but I don’t have any sisters.”

She looked up at him, eyes soft. “What about Danijela?”

“She had her own from her mother, and so did my brother’s wife. They probably would have gone to a grandchild, but…”

Squeezing his forearm gently, she nodded. “Okay.”

She reached for the box. “Guess this can be the something old, then. Um, how do I…?”

“I-I’m not sure. I think my mother wore them in her hair, but you don’t have to.”

“So I could wear them as a necklace?”

“I don’t see why not.”

He watched as she fiddled with the strands to make them into one single necklace. “So...why do you have these on you? Since this is, uh, kind of a last-minute wedding.”

Luka felt his cheeks and ears heating. “Ah. My father...he put them in my bag the last time I was home for Christmas. I didn’t see them until I got back to Chicago, and he said I might—I would have them if I needed them. Which is a good thing, apparently.”

“Wait,” Abby interjected, “the last time you were home for Christmas was—oh.” She turned just as red as he undoubtedly was, the realization that Luka’s father had given them to him when they’d been dating more than a tad overwhelming.

He reached out for her hand, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. “Hey. If it’s too much, you don’t have to wear them. It—”

“I’ll wear them,” she said, determined and sounding a little choked up.

He couldn’t help it; he pulled her into his arms. She went into his embrace willingly, and it was all he could do to keep from dropping a kiss to the top of her head.

After a minute, they pulled apart. It was quiet now, but the comfortable sort of quiet he had ached for after he and Abby had broken up. Even when Nicole had been here, it hadn’t been like this—no, that had been a nagging sense of unease and discontent he’d tried to bury. This? This was what he wanted, now and forever, even if  _this_  was all their marriage was.

“Um, can you help me put it on?” Abby asked, gesturing to the necklace.

“Of course.” She turned around, sweeping her hair to one side. His hands were steady and sure he laid the pearls around her neck and fastened them, unable to resist dragging his fingertips across the smooth skin of her back as he finished. “All done.”

She let out a breath and turned around again, smiling but looking a little dazed. “Thanks.”

“I’ll just...I leave you to finish getting ready, yeah?”

“Okay. I won’t be too long.”

When he reached the doorway, he turned around, leaning on the knob. “Abby?”

“Yeah, Luka?”

“You look beautiful.”

&&&

Luka circled the block three times to find close parking. Abby didn’t argue. It was a little warm for Chicago in March, but even with her dressy coat, she wasn’t exactly layered for warmth with the exposed shoulders and satin of her dress. Her feet would also be thankful, clad as they were in the dressy high heels that were a necessity when she was looking up at Luka. Or kissing him.

Kissing Luka—she shivered at the thought. There was a moment in his room, when he first saw her, she was convinced he was about to grab and kiss her. She was pleased she had chosen to go with this dress with its low, strapless neckline and twist under her bust that gave it a slight empire waist. She felt pretty in it and Luka had called her beautiful, soothing a hurt from that awful night when they’d broken up. Also, he had never looked at her quite like  _that_. The closest had been, well, they were wearing a lot less and touching a whole lot more. Whoo, she needed to crush that thought before it fully bloomed.

Abby glanced at Luka out of the corner of her eye as he parallel parked. She mentally congratulated herself on getting him into his blue shirt and tie, too. The man already made that suit look  _good_ , and the shirt and tie kicked it up another notch. It wasn’t going to be difficult to stare at him.

The pearls had been so unexpected. Reverently, she touched them where they lay, a smooth, comforting weight against her neck. With this wedding being so nontraditional, she hadn’t expected Luka to treat it with such solemnity. They were a reminder of someone precious to him and he had wanted her to share in that. In a way his wife—his  _first_  wife—hadn’t.

It took her some doing to get out of the car without stepping on her dress. By the time she had arranged her feet properly on the sidewalk, Luka was there, giving her a hand. He wrinkled his brow. “What?”

“I hope you don’t twist an ankle in those things.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “These are so I don’t strain my neck, since I’m marrying a giant.”

“Or maybe I’m marrying a tiny person,” he smirked at her, his face showing no trace of the earlier tension. “Are you going to wear these every day, then?”

“No,” she concentrated on holding her dress out of the way as they made their way up the front staircase. Why were there so many steps? Luka took her hand and slipped it through his arm to steady her and she shot him a grateful look.

Once inside the lobby, they waited to have a clerk look over their papers. Abby bit her lip. With the special circumstances, she was concerned that it might not all be in order. But the clerk gave them a smile and a “Best wishes!” as he pointed them toward the steps to marriage court.

An air of surreality settled over Abby as they sat down in the waiting room. They had made sure to get there early, so they had almost a half hour to wait. Abby checked the wall clock. Twenty-three minutes, to be exact. Both of them were silent, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable. She ought to be more nervous than she was, really, but this felt right. Or at least settled. The decision had been made and she was seeing it through.

Luka leaned down to murmur in her ear. “I’ll get you a little footstool.”

“What?” His train of thought went to the oddest places sometimes. She had never figured it out.

“So you don’t hurt your neck looking up at me.” He smirked as she shoved him.

“Jerk.” She couldn’t help a fond laugh at his mischievous look and twinkling eyes.

“Well, it sounds like you’re getting off on the right foot,” Abby blinked and looked over to see Dr. Weaver smiling at them.

They all exchanged greetings, and Abby zoned out as Luka and Weaver chatted. She came to with a nudge from Luka when a judge came into the room to greet them and let them know they’d be starting in ten minutes.

“Judge Kowalski,” he introduced himself to Luka and then turned to Abby, shaking both their hands. Abby blushed as she felt his scrutiny before he gave her a tiny nod. “Dr. Weaver, was it? Good to see you again. Could I speak to you for a moment?”

Dr. Weaver looked between the judge and the couple, confused, before agreeing and following the judge out of the room.

“What do you think…?” Abby turned to Luka. Could the judge have found a reason to refuse to marry them? Luka just shook his head in confusion and rubbed her shoulder reassuringly. A couple minutes later, Dr. Weaver returned.

“Is there a problem?”

“Just a misunderstanding. No problem, he’ll be ready in ten minutes,” Kerry answered Luka with a reassuring smile. Abby took a deep breath as relief filled her.

“I’m here!” They turned to see Chuny rush into the room with a large bag in her hands. “I meant to get here sooner, but I had to make a stop. Here, Abby.” A bouquet of white tulips was pulled from the bag and thrust into Abby’s hands.

“Oh! Chuny, you didn’t have to do that.”

“Oh, yes, I did. I had to make sure you had living flowers instead of those dead ones you like.”

Abby huffed. “ _Dried_ , Chuny. But these are beautiful, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Okay, now stand up and take your coat off, I can get some pictures before.”

“I…” Luka shrugged as she looked to him for help, but he stood and helped her take off her coat.

“Oh my god, Abby! You look gorgeous!” Chuny gushed. “Doesn’t she Luka?”

“She does. Gorgeous,” Luka answered simply. Abby flushed from head to toe as she moved to the wall Chuny gestured her toward and his eyes followed her. She tried to focus on Chuny’s instructions and smile at the camera.

Then Chuny called Luka over to Abby’s side and shoved the two of them together.

“Do you think Chuny missed her calling as a wedding photographer?” Luka whispered into her ear.

“I think she thinks so.” Abby giggled, feeling more than a little punch drunk. His hand was warm on her waist where she could feel it through the fabric of her dress, his arm steady around her. The way he was looking at her, his attention zeroed in, his smile secretive like it was only for her, it hit her and set her off more than any drug. More than alcohol.

The next thing she knew, their names were being called and Luka was ushering her into the chamber behind Weaver and Chuny.

“Oh, shit! Uh, shi-uh, sorry, your Honor.” She cringed and looked at Luka. “I forgot my something borrowed.”

“Um…” Luka looked around, as if he could find something in the sparse courtroom for her to use. “Oh, the flowers. You can give them back to Chuny after.”

“Oh, I can do that. Thanks,” she smiled up at him as he took her hand in his own. She had to pass them off to Chuny for the vows, anyway.

If before the ceremony Abby had been in a daze, during, she was the opposite. The vows were simple, the traditional  _have and hold, better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health, to love and cherish_ , but as Luka repeated them, they took on new significance. The way he held her hands with no trembling, spoke strong and clear, and looked at her like she was precious, gave her the sense that this was no plain recitation for the benefit of those watching. It was a blood oath, promised and sealed, and he would deliver on it. In that moment, she had no doubt. When it came to her turn to speak, the words flowed as surely as if she had thought them up herself, and she meant every single one.

She flashed back briefly to her first wedding (when she might have been slightly less-than-sober) and remembered the ring feeling like a weight, a rock pulling her down, down, down into murky water. This time, as she placed Luka’s ring on his long fingers, and he slipped hers on, it didn’t. The moment itself was weighty. Instead of an unwelcome weight, though, the rings connected them, like they were two rafts tethered together so they wouldn’t drift apart on the current.

Next thing she knew, they were being pronounced husband and wife, and Luka was leaning down. Her heart started to pound and Abby suddenly, ridiculously, wished they had practiced this. Not that they didn’t have a lot of practice (a LOT) when they were dating. This, however, was the first time he was going to kiss her in months, and she was completely unprepared. But his hands came up to cup her face and he stroked her cheeks, looking at her like she was his pearl of great price, and the room stilled. His green eyes were filled with tenderness as he touched his forehead to hers and looked at her, even now, waiting for her permission. She smiled and lifted her face as his lips met her own.

Oh, she had so missed his mouth. His lips met her own, gentle but sure, and she sighed into him. She slid her hands up to wrap around his neck and pull him closer as he deepened the kiss just slightly. Then, he pulled away, and she felt bereft for a split second, until she opened her eyes to see him grinning at her. His smile never failed to light something up inside her, but this was MORE, this was pure, beaming, heart-stopping joy, and if she had to marry him ten times over to make him look like that, she would do it in a heartbeat. What could she do but grin back?

&&&

Luka was buzzed. Not from alcohol—he’d only had half a glass of champagne so far—but he was near-drunk from Abby. His  _wife_.

As soon as the ceremony was over, Chuny had dragged them around the courthouse and to a local park for pictures. Which was all well and good, it would be good for any immigration issues (totally not for the memories themselves, some snide inner voice whispered), but he hadn’t expected them to get so...into it.

God, was it hot in here? He tugged at his tie in an attempt to loosen it.

It had started out just fine, even if he’d still been reeling from their kiss, the one pronouncing them husband and wife. In fact, he wasn’t sure he’d  _ever_  recover from that kiss. Abby had just looked so wide-eyed, uncertain but determined, that he’d wanted to reassure her, show her in some way that they were going to be okay. He had gotten a little carried away, the kiss unlike anything they’d shared before (even their first kiss, which had sparked such  _hope_  in him), and he’d been unable to resist deepening it. He’d had to pull away before it got seriously inappropriate, but he had wanted nothing more than to melt into it, to hold her forever. And best of all? She seemed equally affected.

It had only been a little after 4 when they’d gotten out, and their reservation at Olympic Grill wasn’t until 6:30, so while Kerry had wandered off until later, Chuny had grabbed them and told them they were taking more pictures. He and Abby had gone along, knowing that while they did have to stop by the apartment, two and a half hours was too long to sit around.

The first few had been formal, posed affairs, even if he and Abby had been smiling brightly at each other the whole time. (Somehow, everything was just more  _fun_  with her…) After a few of those, Chuny had sighed. “Come on, guys. Show us the love. Take some pictures to embarrass your future children.”

Luka had tensed, and he’d felt Abby stiffen next to him. He needed to distract them both before they full-on panicked, so he’d done the only thing he could think of—pulled her into his arms and kissed her like his life depended on it.

By the time Chuny had cleared her throat seconds or minutes or hours later, Abby was clinging to him, all but limp in his arms. They had pulled away from each other, dazed, and he’d caught sight of her lips, swollen from that kiss.  _Oh_.

“Well, that definitely qualifies,” Chuny had said, breaking the tension and preventing him from deciding to hell with it and carrying Abby off to one of the bathrooms to consummate their marriage then and there.

Luka eyed the champagne remaining in his glass, and downed it, setting the glass down onto the table with a loud clink.

It hadn’t ended there, though Chuny hadn’t goaded them into more risque photos again, probably for the sake of upholding decency laws and not having to see her coworkers grope each other.

He made a mental note to, at the very least, reimburse Chuny for the film she used today, if not for anything traumatizing she witnessed.

Abby came back over to him, two glasses of champagne in hand. “Hey, sailor, need another?”

“Of course,” he said, grinning at her as she sat beside him. “You’re joining me?” he asked, gesturing to her own champagne flute.

“I thought the occasion called for something celebratory,” she said, smiling back up at him. Was she  _flirting_  with him?

“It does, it does.”

His attention was diverted by Haleh standing up and lightly clinking her spoon against her glass. It wasn’t entirely necessary—with her and Malik’s arrival, there were only six of them here in this back room, but Luka appreciated it, as distracted as he was by Abby’s...everything.

“I just want to make a toast to our friends Abby and Luka. I’ve been at County for a long time, longer than almost anyone else. I’ve seen so many people come and go, I’ve seen lives change, and I’ve seen people fall in love. And I’ll still never forget Abby’s first day down in the ER as a medical student, when she met Dr. Kovač here. She was there staring up at him like Christmas had come early, and soon as he left the room, made some comment about how pretty he was and hoping he was single. Then over the next year, watching him look at her with that same desire in his eyes, watching the love between them grow—well, we get to tell future med students that neither of them are single now, and it’s a beautiful thing. To Abby and Luka!”

“To Abby and Luka!” As the cries echoed around the room, Luka glanced down at her, where she sat blushing at Haleh’s story even as she smiled at him. Had she really been interested in him from the beginning? He remembered her smile, thinking she was cute, but someone had told him she was still married back then, so he’d put it out of his mind until months and months later in drug lockup when she’d told him she was single again.

He raised his glass with one arm, wrapping the other around her bare shoulders. 

Abby raised her glass as well, smiling and thanking Haleh.

Then Luka nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt her hand on his thigh.

He glanced down at her only to find her  _smirking_  as she avoided his gaze and took a sip of her champagne. Oh, that was the game, was it?

He had a feeling this would end poorly, but he couldn’t let this teasing stand, not without giving as good as he got.

Pulling her closer to his side, he used the hand on her shoulder to start tracing light, nonsensical patterns onto her silky skin.

Her breath hitched, and he nearly chuckled with the small victory. Instead, he tried to focus on the joke Malik was telling. This immediately proved impossible when Abby went for revenge in the form of caressing his thigh.

He was absolutely, 100% going to die.

Fortunately, it didn’t seem like today was going to be his time to go, as Chuny and Haleh exchanged a glance, and the former nodded and cleared her throat. “I know you said you didn’t care about a cake, but we wanted you to have one. It’s nothing fancy, but we hope you like it.”

His heart clenched in his chest at the small gesture from their friends, looking down at the small cake with its elegant, looping script reading, “Congratulations, Abby and Luka!”

Abby seemed to feel the same way, and she looked up at him, eyes wide. She finally removed her hand from his thigh, tucking it into his arm.

He brushed his lips across her forehead as she turned to Chuny and Haleh. “Thank you so much. Just...please tell me we don’t have to shove it in each other’s faces.”

Oh god, why did American wedding customs have to be so  _strange_.

“Doesn’t seem like you all would mind feeding each other,” Malik said with a grin, and to his consternation, Kerry cackled in response.

Luka knew he was the color of an apple, but there was nothing for it. He was going to lean into this. “Yes, but we’d prefer to do that privately.”

Abby’s surprised huff of laughter was very worth the momentary shocked silence from the others, as was the way she leaned into him and pressed her lips to his jawline.

Haleh finally cracked and laughed, too. “You’re not getting rid of us that quickly, newlyweds. Save the romancing for later and get us some cake!”

“Alright, alright,” he agreed, smiling at her, standing and pulling Abby to her feet so they could go cut the cake.

The next couple hours rushed by in a flurry of well-wishing, story-telling, and general congenial laughter and chatter. He was never far from Abby’s side, and he couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself. She wasn’t much better, running her hands under his jacket, stealing kisses—which he very much didn’t mind, and reciprocated enthusiastically, to their friends’ good-natured jeering.

He wasn’t drunk, but Luka was definitely intoxicated by the heady pull between him and Abby as they bid everyone else farewell. They had stopped by the apartment between the pictures and reception and dropped off the car, so they hailed a taxi home.

After helping Abby into the back seat and carefully tucking her dress in, he made his way to the other side and slid in next to her. His heart skipped a beat when she slid into the middle seat, and he pulled her into his arms. She leaned her forehead against his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist as best as she could given the confines of the seat.

He gasped when one of her hands wandered to the bare skin of his back. She had to be a witch, because she’d somehow untucked his shirt without him being aware...not that he had a problem with it.

The cab driver, however, did, and glowered at him menacingly in the rearview mirror. Having received this silent warning, Luka made a point of keeping his hands on her back for the duration of the ride, though his restraint was sorely tested when she started kissing a line down his throat.

“Not now, Abby.” He softened the rebuke with a caress of her back and brushing his lips across hers when she looked up at him in question.

They managed to keep it together for the short ride back to the apartment, but Luka was very, very ready to be inside, if Abby was willing.

Once they were in the living room, he stood there, waiting for her to show that she wanted this, wanted him. He wouldn’t force her to do anything she didn’t want, and he didn’t want her to feel obligated. She stared back at him wordlessly, and the minutes ticked by. Finally, Abby sighed and looked away. “Um, I’m going to use the bathroom real quick, then I’ll head to bed.”

Wait, to bed or  _to bed_? He continued standing there, confused, until she came back out, still in her dress. She sat down on the couch, leaning over to rifle through her bag. She smiled up at him, a tight, awkward thing that was the opposite of reassuring. “Well, this is me. I...I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Good night,” he whispered, shoulders slumping as he walked back to his bedroom. He had thought—but no, this was what they had agreed upon, and he would honor that agreement  _and_  her...for the rest of his life.

He dragged himself into his room, aching at the loneliness of his bed, at Abby’s absence from his arms.

Luka tucked himself into bed, struck by how very bereft and hollow he felt, especially when he remembered his first wedding night over sixteen years before. He’d been so giddy, so excited and nervous to be holding Danijela like that for the first time, her breathless smiles and laughter the perfect end to the day and a perfect beginning for their life together.

But he was a grown man now. He and Abby were starting a life together, true, but not like that. Besides, he’d held her in his arms before, so he told himself he shouldn’t be so disappointed now. Still, the twinge wouldn’t go away, even as he tried to resign himself to this being the new status quo.

It took a long time for sleep to arrive.


	4. In Which There are Secrets and Lies, i.e. Everyone Finds Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I did learn a lot about you. Though," she smirked and a wicked gleam entered her eyes, "if anyone had told me the first two days of our marriage would involve sex toys and role play, I would not have imagined it would be between you and Carter."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because Abby and Luka are both in the majority of this episode in the original ER-verse, there are quotes from the show in this chapter in particular. Some happenings from the episode remain largely intact in our AU-verse, but the story also diverges in several significant ways. No infringement intended.

Luka laid there for a moment after the alarm went off. He groaned quietly into his hands as he ran them over his face. What the hell had happened last night? Abby and he had been all over each other, happily so, and he didn’t think it had been just for show. Especially not in the cab. She had wanted him, and he had _definitely_ wanted her. He’d barely been able to restrain himself in the restaurant, and she had known that.

What changed her mind?

The alarm blared again and he sighed as he sat up and cut it off. He didn’t have time to contemplate this or berate himself. They both had shifts at eight. He had to get her up now.

Biding his time, he hit the bathroom first. When he came out, he nearly went to her, to wake her gently, but he wasn’t sure she would want him touching her. He stuck bagels in to warm and then ground the coffee beans, wincing at the loud whir of the machine. Abby’s head popped up.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” He mentally cringed at the stupidity of that, of course he had.

“No, it’s fine,” she squinted over to check the time. “I just…need to…” she gestured to the bathroom.

“Oh, yeah, go ahead. I want a shower, but you go first.”

Tentatively, he started to make his way over to her, biting his lip.

She stood up and he smiled at her, all rumpled from sleep in her baggy sweater. Wait, that was...a familiar sweater. It was his. And ohhh, shit, it looked….On her it looked baggy but damn good, like she possibly wasn’t wearing anything underneath and like she was staking her claim on him...which was incredibly hot. His stomach clenched and he froze. Seriously, _now?_

All he wanted to do was pull _his sweater_ off _his wife_ and finish what they had started the evening before. He was dying to get his hands on her, his mouth...His body was, unfortunately at the moment, emphatically onboard with that plan.

But she didn’t want that. She had avoided him, chosen to sleep on the couch, while he laid, whole body and heart aching for her, in his suddenly far-too-large bed. So he had to keep his hands off, and, well...he’d better stay behind the counter now, too.

Abby gave him an awkward smile and headed for the bathroom, still wearing his sweater. He would just have to wait his turn for what he was sure would be a freezing cold shower.

 

&&&

 

Abby splashed the cold water onto her face. She didn’t have time for a shower right now, much as she needed one, especially if Luka was planning on one. If it had been twelve hours before, she probably would have suggested they share, but, well…

Maybe she should be glad she hadn’t humiliated herself like that, since he clearly wasn’t interested. She could have sworn he wanted her as much as she wanted him—god, he hadn’t stopped touching her at the reception, his every kiss heightening the buzz from the couple of glasses of champagne.

Then...he’d rejected her. He’d said “not now” while they were in the cab, but then they’d been back in the apartment and he’d said nothing.

Her cheeks burned at the realization that _she_ had been the one instigating so much of it, she’d been the one pushing and making the moves, and he...he didn’t want it. Didn’t want her. Which was fine—it wasn’t like he was repulsed by her, she knew that, but he deserved to be able to back off. They were just friends who happened to be married.

She had just felt so very alone last night as she crawled into her blankets on the couch. Some part of her had hoped Luka would be holding her that night. That she would be in the warmth of his arms and not trying to stay warm under blankets on a cold leather couch.

Maybe it was her subconscious acting up along with her actual shivering, but when she’d dug through her bag, she’d pulled out Luka’s sweater. If she couldn’t have him, she could have that sweater of his that he’d left at her apartment when they were dating and that she had co-opted as her own, never returning it when they broke up. It had just seemed right, almost as right as his embrace. It was warm and it was soft, something she’d desperately needed after last night.

She knew he’d recognized his own sweater, and she’d cursed herself for wearing it. He hadn’t said anything, though he very much looked like he’d wanted to. If last night hadn’t proven otherwise, she would have actually guessed from the darkness of his eyes that he was on the verge of coming and reaching for her.

He probably just wanted his sweater back.

God, it had been so awkward this morning, so she really was lingering in the bathroom. She couldn’t avoid him forever—hell, they had a shift together—but she dreaded going out there to tense silence, or worse, his pitying glances. Then they’d go to work, and would have to pretend to be stupidly in love and all over each other, and it was killing her.

It was fine, it really was, Abby just needed some boundaries, for her own sake if for no one else’s. She needed to put some distance between them, at least when they were at home. No more hugs, no more reaching for him, not when they were here. It hurt too much, knowing it meant something to her that it didn’t to him.

Abby sighed and ran her hand through her hair. She was tired and frustrated and a little hurt, and she wanted nothing more than to just veg out in front of the TV today, but work was calling. She would do her best to tough it out and make it through the day.

 

&&&

 

They decided to take the L to work, and though it was still uncomfortable, it was better than a silent car ride, Luka supposed. Abby had practically run away from him when he’d tried to help her put her coat on, so he tried to hold off on touching her. But once they were standing on the L, holding onto the handles, they were pressed together by the morning commute crowd. He put his arm loosely around her to avoid elbowing her in the chest and she flinched.

“Abby, what…” He wanted to ask her what had happened between them the night before, and was still seemingly wrong this morning, but his courage failed him. “Are you okay? Are…are we…?”

She hesitated before answering. “Yeah, yeah, we’re okay. I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed this morning, I guess. I’ll be fine.”

Luka would have taken her word for it, if she hadn’t been avoiding his eyes. If she didn’t feel like telling him, though, she wouldn’t. He’d at least learned that much from their relationship. “Okay,” he replied as his heart sank. Oh, he hoped she wasn’t regretting it. Abby regretting their marriage had been his biggest fear going into the wedding. If he’d already managed to let her down, it didn’t bode well for their future.

When the train reached their stop, he reluctantly released her. Trailing behind her, he looked down at the sidewalk, feeling his disappointed hopes weighing on his shoulders. He didn’t notice she had stopped until he felt her hand on his arm.

“Are you okay?” This time, she met his gaze as he looked down at her.

“Yeah. I suppose I’m a little overwhelmed, too,” he lied, giving her a half-hearted smile.

She looked at him sympathetically for a moment before sighing. “Come on,” she tugged on his arm once, and he followed.

The disconnection hurt him, though, and as they walked, he reached out to wrap her hand in his own. She jumped and he started to pull away, before she gripped his hand more tightly. “No, sorry, it’s just…I’m not used to you wearing a ring yet.”   

“Are you okay with us wearing them to work?”

“Yeah, uh, we wear gloves most of the time. If somebody notices, then they notice.”

“Can I see yours?”

“What is this, you show me yours, I show you mine?”

God, he wished. Luka shook his head. “Just curious. That part is a little blurry.”

Abby bit her lip, but held her left hand up, and he took it and held it up. Seeing his ring on her finger made his heart squeeze. “It looks good on you.”

Fighting the urge to kiss her hand, he did allow himself to caress the back of her hand with his thumb. As they arrived in the ambulance bay, he felt her squeeze his hand before letting it go. He missed touching her already. Especially knowing that he couldn’t talk to her, not really.

Work that day was bizarre, to say the least.

It was admittedly a terrible idea for them to look in the dominatrix’s bag, especially given her patient status. Then seeing Abby so amused, he couldn’t help but move closer and look. And maybe his curiosity got the best of him. He had never claimed to be a saint.

Getting reamed out by Weaver sucked. Barely seeing Abby, apart from in passing as she helped him with a couple patients before taking off for other assignments, sucked even more.

The day dragged on and on and on. He couldn’t blame Kerry for her disapproval, but did she have to keep giving him sharp glances and pointed comments throughout the day? She had to know he wouldn’t have put the dildo in her locker. He would have felt a bit more sympathetic if she weren’t treating him like a co-conspirator.

About an hour before the end of the shift, Kerry let him know that they were expected at some old school building for a sexual harassment seminar, at 8 AM the next morning. So much for hoping he’d get time with Abby before her shift the next night. Poor Abby, she was going to have that class all day and then head straight to work. He would have to make tonight relaxing for her.

They grabbed pizza on the way home, both too exhausted to do any cooking. She was still quiet, but seemed to have thawed slightly. There was still melancholy clinging to her, though, and he tried to think of any way to make it better.

After they ate quickly, famished as they were, Luka suggested that Abby take a shower. Unfortunately, his apartment didn’t have a tub, and he knew she would miss her baths. He would have to see if they could fit one in as part of the renovations. She gratefully agreed and he cleared up the plates and leftovers then headed to his room with her suitcase in hand.

Opening his dresser, he consolidated most of his clothes into fewer drawers and moved others into the closet until he felt like she might have enough room. At least for now. He glanced at her bag and decided it was best to leave the unpacking to her. That way she could decide where she wanted everything. She probably didn’t want him going through her things, either. Shaking his head, he decided not to get upset about it tonight. He could be patient, and maybe in time...well, they’d get more comfortable with their arrangement, at the very least. Hopefully more, but he didn’t want to pressure Abby.

There was always the second bedroom, waiting for him to rehabilitate it. Luka was hoping it wouldn’t be needed as anything other than a guest room. He didn’t even want to bring it up as an option for Abby now. It just sounded so...permanent. And whatever they had said, he didn’t want to resign himself to a marriage of companionship just yet. Not when he knew they could have more.

There was a knock at his door and he looked up to see Abby standing in his doorway. He hated that she felt like she had to knock in their own home, but he reminded himself he needed to give her time. Her wet hair and comfy pajamas made him smile, though, at the familiarity.

“You stole my bag?” She raised her eyebrows at him.

“I thought you might like to stop living out of a suitcase. I made room for your things in my drawers, and there’s plenty of room in the closet for whatever you need to put in there. If you want.”

“Oh. Yeah, thank you.”

Hovering awkwardly for a minute, he realized she probably didn’t want him bothering her while she unpacked. “I think I’ll go watch TV for a bit if you’re okay in here?”

“Sure.”

“Oh, and...my sweaters are in the second drawer from the bottom.” His neck got hot and he was sure his face was red. “You can grab one whenever you want.”

“You noticed I stole that, huh? I…” Abby’s face was bright red now too, and she was staring at the floor sheepishly.

He crossed the room to stand in front of her, wanting to hold her but fairly sure she wouldn’t welcome it. “Hey, what’s mine is yours now. That goes both ways, right?”

She laughed. “Yeah, please don’t wear any of my clothes. I don’t think you could fit...any of you into anything I own.”

Luka smiled, proud that he had put her at ease. He reached down to cup her smiling cheek before he realized what he was doing. To cover, he started checking her eye. It DID look a lot better. At least that asshole hadn’t fractured her eye socket.

It was a good thing Kerry had been there the day before to set the judge straight. As if he could ever hit Abby. He let himself run his thumb over her cheek before stepping back. He walked out before he could follow through on his longing to kiss her and carry her over to his bed.

 

&&&

 

Abby was late.

Things were better with Luka, nowhere near as awkward as they had been yesterday—it was difficult to stay aloof when he was so considerate and as thoughtful as he’d been last night. They were almost back to normal. But she’d still wanted a little space this morning. She’d left a note telling him she’d meet him at the seminar and headed out for coffee and cigarettes.

She hadn’t smoked in days, and the familiar rush of nicotine went to her head so that she finally felt halfway human again. Enough to make it through the day, at least. And she had the rest of the pack if she needed it.

Stepping into the lecture hall, she fought a smile at the way Luka flipped the newspaper down upon her arrival.

Her rising mood was immediately quashed by Carter’s snippiness. Even with the aid of coffee, it deteriorated further as the minutes dragged on, Luka seemingly absorbed in his paper, Gallant’s continuing silence, Carter’s continuing sullenness, and Susan...well, Susan was trying, at least. But she was condescending, and it annoyed Abby.

God, did everyone assume she was an idiot because she was a nurse? This place, these _doctors_...ugh.

And Gallant wouldn’t even let her smoke. Uptight kid.

That said, Carter was really pissing her off. She’d felt that familiar awareness of him when she came into the room, but...it was less than it usually was. He was being a jerk—it clearly wasn’t about her, he and Susan seemed to be in the midst of a fight—and it was kind of killing any feelings that existed there. He could be a decent guy, Abby just hadn’t seen much of it lately.

There was that and the whole _husband_ of the matter. Regardless of what their marriage was, as confusing as it was, Luka had told her he meant his vows, and so did she. Even if she actually wanted to, she wouldn’t turn her back on that. And honestly, with Carter’s recent behavior, any negligible temptation to do so was fading. Especially with the way Luka’s shirt brought out the green in his eyes, and those couple of buttons he’d left undone for this more casual setting? Incredibly distracting.

She tried to focus on what Susan was telling her—apparently they were both reality TV fans, which was nice. Maybe Susan wasn’t so bad after all. Then as Carter continued to snipe, it became clear that he and Susan were, in fact, in a fight. Something about Mark and Susan sleeping over on his couch, and how she and Mark were just _friends_.

Abby and Luka exchanged a look. While it was extremely unlikely that Susan was in the same boat they were, she knew about the danger of sleeping on your friend’s couch, especially if there were feelings there. She said nothing, and neither did Luka, other than wanting to be caught up on what had happened between Greene and Corday. (He was such an oblivious _idiot_ sometimes. At least he was pretty.)

It was after 9:30 when some poor administrative assistant came in to let them know that the seminar coordinator was running late but was still coming. At that, she and Luka decided to make a vending machine run.

They walked down the hallway in companionable silence, and he gave her an awkward grin. “You’ll have to tell me these things about what’s going on with people so I don’t make an idiot of myself.”

“Deal,” she said with a smile. She resisted the urge to reach out and take his hand.

When they got back to the room, Carter was trying to pick the lock and get into a supply closet, but she decided to ignore him and sat down with the rest to some snacks.

When Susan brought up _Waiting for Godot_ —clearly this entire day felt like an exercise in futility to all of them—she opted instead to listen to Luka sum it up in his frank way. She could have done it herself, she wrote an essay on the play back in the day, and she wasn’t bad at literary criticism. But this was a chance to learn more about him; she’d learned more today than she did in whole stretches of weeks while they were dating.

Her heart twisted again at the quiet way he’d said, “You never asked,” about his father’s profession. Communication had been their downfall before, and...she didn’t want that again, not this time when the stakes were so high. She promised herself then and there that she would start asking questions and listening...and talking. She was starting to see that as inscrutable as she found Luka, she hadn’t exactly been Miss Openness 2001 either. If they had any hope of this working—in any capacity—they needed to make some changes.

Abby shook her head, realizing she had zoned out. She almost smiled at Luka’s nod of agreement about how depressing _Waiting for Godot_ was, when Carter scoffed and said, “Aren’t you glad you didn’t grow up in the Balkans?”

She held back a gasp, but Luka rolled with it, or at least tried to. He was doing his best to deflate the tension that Carter seemed insistent on creating, but when Carter asked him what he was doing here if his country was so safe, she nearly lost it.

Her eyes met Luka’s, and she once again fought the urge to take his hand, this time to comfort him. She wasn’t sure he’d want that or her defending him, so she settled on what she hoped was a supportive smile. He kept his gaze locked on hers until he softened, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. “I like the views here,” he said, with a wink at her, “and barbecue.”

She could have hugged Susan this time for her attempt to change the subject, though that faded again when they moved on to discussions of their alma maters and majors. “What, did you assume I went to community college because I’m a nurse?”

“No, I didn’t mean that.”

“I think you did. You did it before, too, about the poem. It’s alright, it’s all of you. All doctors,” Abby said, gesturing to the rest of them. “You all think you’re smarter than nurses because you have an M.D.”

Luka bowed out then, and she had to hand it to him—whatever his faults, he wasn’t an elitist, and he listened to her as a nurse. And he was going to help her go back to med school. So she vowed to apologize to him later when they were alone...and to not let herself get condescending when she was a finally doctor herself.

Susan wasn’t ready to acquiesce, though. “I don’t think that’s true of all doctors.”

“Sure it is. It’s a class thing. It’s part of the educational caste system we have in this country.”

Then she nearly punched Carter when he started a mini-diatribe about Karl Marx. Any attraction to him was fading at lightning speed. Honestly, if he was going to be like this, he could take a wad of his cash and shove it up his ass.

Heading over to the window to try for another smoke, she continued, letting her irritation show, “You all look down on Gallant’s family because they’re military, like there’s something vaguely pathetic about volunteering to defend our liberties with their lives for crappy pay.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Gallant acknowledged with a nod in her direction.

“I don’t feel that way.”

“Really? I quit med school halfway through my third year. I was second in my class when I quit.”

Abby very much appreciated Luka’s derisive look in response to Carter’s disbelieving, “Second? Really? I didn’t know that.”

“So why’d you quit?” Susan asked, with a tilt of her head.

“See, that’s what I mean. You can’t imagine why anybody wouldn’t want to be you.”

“They tossed you out,” Carter interjected smugly, “‘cause your ex-husband didn’t pay your tuition.” Luka was starting to look thunderous, and honestly, she was feeling that way herself.

Well, at least she wouldn’t have that problem with her _current_ husband. She glanced at her ring, catching herself lightening up.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t change my point. It wouldn’t kill you all to listen and try to learn from the nurses, that’s all I’m saying.” She gave up on the cigarette when she couldn’t get the window open, instead going and sitting with Susan.

Susan gave her a nod that seemed to say “fair point,” as they attempted to polish off the crackers.

Just then, Carter finally opened the supply closet door, coming out with fencing gear.

Abby was already nonplussed by the intrigued look on her husband’s face, and then finding out he had been an actor in college and could fence? It was almost too much. Nonetheless she settled in to watch Luka and Carter take their positions with their foils. This was going to be...interesting.

“Do you think they’re trying to impress us?” she asked Susan in a loud whisper.

“If they are, it’s not working.”

Abby wasn’t so sure about that. She fiddled with her ring as she stared at Luka, at the way she could see his muscles moving even through his shirt.

Carter won a point, but her gaze remained on Luka as he rolled up his sleeves.

“They really are a couple of freaks.”

Susan laughed. “And to think you slept with both of them…”

Ah, right. She’d all but forgotten Carter’s lie about that, though she refuted it quickly for Susan’s sake (and her own pride, jeez). God, what had she seen in him again?

Susan’s reaction was appropriately horrified, and Abby felt herself warming to the other woman in spite of herself.

Luka scored a point, but then Susan nearly managed to distract her by revealing that she hadn’t slept with Carter either. Really, after a couple months? Huh. Then, she thought, staring at the way Luka’s pants hugged his ass, chemistry was everything.

She relayed her thoughts on the matter to Susan, who shrugged. “I don’t know if Carter and I have chemistry or not. There have been some almost spark moments.”

“I think it’s either there or it’s not. You can’t force it. Believe me, I’ve tried.” In some ways, hadn’t she been doing that with Carter herself before he and Susan got together? There wasn’t _nothing_ there, but those sparks were nothing like the inferno that had existed between her and Luka from before their first kiss.

“I think part of the problem with Carter and me is you. He denies it, but he’s not very convincing. Why didn’t you two happen?”

Abby crossed her arms across her chest, stomach twisting in discomfort. She really didn’t want to have this conversation, but Susan was clearly looking for...something. Reassurance, maybe, or some honesty at long last.

Abby could give her honesty.

"I...there’s someone else. So mostly timing, and that chemistry isn't as much as it was with...other people. And now it's just not going to happen."

Before Susan could respond, Luka deftly disarmed Carter, who held his hand up in pain. Luka tried to end the impromptu duel, but Carter insisted on continuing. And Luka was enough of an idiot that he agreed, of course.

She was getting a bad feeling about this.

She was right. Carter slashed at Luka’s back, and in retaliation Luka swiped at his cheek. She, Susan, and Gallant all rushed to intervene as it threatened to turn into an ugly fight.

Abby tugged Luka to the side, trying to calm him down as he muttered Croatian insults at Carter. “Hey, hey, calm down. I need to look at your back.”

Still fuming, he nodded and let her unbutton a couple more buttons so she could get a better look at his back. She winced; that was quite a welt. “I don’t have anything to put on it, but make sure you clean it when you get home, and take some ibuprofen.”

He sighed as she lowered his shirt and came to stand in front of him. “I’m sorry I lost my head. He’s just been such—he’s been such a jerk to both of us today.”

Oh. _Oh_. This had been for her, at least partially. “You don’t have to fight for me, Luka.”

He took her left hand, and pulled it to his lips in a quick kiss that set her pulse racing. “You’re worth it.”

“And you’re an idiot,” she said, belying her words with a smile and a brief caress of his face.

“Your idiot, I hope?” He sounded so uncertain, and it suddenly put the last few days into perspective. She had managed to hurt him by being distant, and it had done her no good. She could find another way to deal with her own hurt.

As a lover or as a friend, Luka was hers, ‘til death do they part.

And she was his. She nodded. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yes, I’m just going to go get a water from the machine.”

“Good idea, it’ll help you cool down.”

Carter had gone up to one of the corners of the room to sulk, and Susan looked a little lost, so Abby made her way over to her.

Susan tried for a smile. “Everything okay over there?”

“Yeah, he just got carried away.”

“You two seem...close. Closer than I realized.”

Abby smiled and looked away. “We are.”

Luka came back into the room, derailing any further questions. The conversation turned to Susan’s ex, and Abby eventually mentioned Richard, which somehow turned to Abby and Susan giggling and making bets about which one of them in the room had had the biggest romantic screw-ups and who was the youngest to lose their virginity.

She was curious about Luka’s story, but she didn’t want to ask or pressure him. There was already so much she didn’t know about him, so much she wanted a chance to learn. Besides, if she asked, it would look weird once everyone found out they were married. Not that this was the kind of thing that married couples talked about, at least at their age, but still.

(Honestly, she was a little surprised that none of the rest of them had noticed hers or Luka’s rings. They certainly weren’t hiding them.)

Instead she told her story, and followed by Susan, then Michael and Carter. Finally, Susan couldn’t seem to resist teasing Luka, who finally gave in. “My wedding night.”

For a second, she panicked before realizing he was referring to his _first_ wedding night, and that she and Luka had already slept together more times than she could count. Still, her ears were ringing. She listened as he spoke of his past with his usual fondness for Danijela, and her heart ached for him when he reassured them it was a good memory.

Abby wanted to go to him, wanted to hold him and tell him how glad she was he had some good memories, even with all the pain since. She hoped her smile conveyed it, and his returning one warmed her.

Then she had a startling, awful thought—wait, was...was she the second person he’d ever been with? Not that that was horrible or any sort of judgment on him, but—but she might have handled their relationship differently if that was the case.

Oh god, he’d been so inexperienced when it came to relationships. Sexually, it had been fine from the very beginning—other than the usual learning a new person’s rhythm, she’d had zero complaints about him in bed. But...it made more sense of how taken in he was by Nicole, about how he was so naive in some ways.

Had she...had she hurt him? With her rushing into a physical relationship? She bit her lip and tried to pay attention to the thread of the conversation, which Susan had turned toward Luka’s acting.

“Were you any good?” she managed.

He laughed. “My mom thought so.”

She giggled, even as she tried to get her heart rate back to normal. They might have a lot to talk about, but she could put it from her mind for now if he was okay enough to make jokes. This certainly wasn’t the place for a serious conversation.

It was easy to ignore Carter’s hammy attempt at Hamlet, especially when she listened to Luka’s low voice reciting that soliloquy. Especially when he was looking at her the way he was, all shy and sheepish and pensive at once.

Any further musings were cut off by the arrival of Dr. Taylor, the seminar director. After apologizing and introducing himself, he summoned them to the front. She settled in between Luka and Susan, still a little distracted by everything that had happened that morning.

“Raise your hand when I call your name, if you would. John Carter?”

“Here.”

“Michael Galant?”

“Uh, Gallant, yes, sir.”

A nod, then Taylor continued, “Abigail...oh boy, help me out here. Ko-vack?”

Wow, Kerry sure had moved fast submitting her name change into the system, even if it wasn’t fully official yet.

Everyone turned to look at her. Gallant looked a little confused, Susan’s mouth was gaping, and Carter was studying her with equal parts horror and expectation that she’d correct him.

And Luka, he was looking at her with hope.

She paused, then caught a glint of light reflecting off the gold of her ring. “Oh, um, it’s Abby. And it’s pronounced Ko-vatch.”

 

&&&

 

Luka allowed himself a moment to look at her and share a smile, even in the midst of the turmoil he knew they had just unleashed. He had had a split second of worry that she would deny it, deny _him_ , but she hadn’t.

Then the moment ended.

The others all spoke at once, but as Gallant and the teacher weren’t as...surprised, to give it a kind spin, Luka couldn’t hear them over Susan and Carter.

“What? When did you get married?! Why didn’t you tell anybody?” came from Susan, on Abby’s other side, while Carter sputtered loudly and incoherently. Luka hoped rather than expected he would remain at a loss for words, but it was not to be.

“Yeah, when _did_ you get married? Actually, no, when did you even get back together? Were you even going to tell me?”

Luka gritted his teeth as that struck at a sore spot. Abby didn’t owe Carter anything. But Luka still didn’t know exactly what had happened between them, and the way they’d been close while he and Abby had been together before still hurt. He knew Abby wouldn’t lie to him about not expecting anything to happen, but sometimes she lied to herself. And, god, that would kill him, for her to be married to him and wishing for Carter.

Abby hadn’t dated Carter, though. Or anyone, since they’d been together, not as far as he knew. And she had _married_ him. _Proposed_ to him herself, in fact.

He looked at her to see how she was handling all the questions being thrown at them and he shrugged as she looked at him, giving her the go ahead to answer as she wanted.

“We got back together Tuesday, we got married Thursday, and yes, we were going to tell everyone. But we wanted a fast, easy ceremony, without a lot of fuss, so we didn’t invite a lot of people. And we aren’t big on announcements.”

Carter let out an ugly scoff and Luka felt his whole body tense. He had apologized to Abby for getting so upset before, but if anyone had ever asked for a good ass-kicking, it was Carter. He was getting sick of letting his pissy comments slide and wished he’d slashed him a little harder.

“Why?” He huffed out in that smarmy holier-than-thou tone he’d used so often that day.

“Why _what_?” Abby turned to ask, with an edge that Luka was glad was not directed at him.

“Why hide that you’re back together? Why hide that you’re married? Why not tell me? Why did you GET married?” The unspoken “to HIM?!” was obvious, probably even to the teacher.

When Abby didn’t answer right away, Luka reluctantly opened his mouth to do it for her. Hopefully it wouldn’t start a fight this time, even if both he and Carter kind of wanted it to. It would be worse for them all in the long run.

Abby spoke up before he could. “First of all, we DIDN’T hide it. We’ve been wearing our wedding bands for the last two days. It’s not our fault you’re unobservant. Second, I don’t owe you or anyone else an explanation for anything. But for your information, I missed Luka terribly while he was gone, and then the Brian thing happened, and we both realized we don’t want to be apart anymore. And that that isn’t going to change.” She was running out of steam now that she’d had some of her say. She was shaking a little as she turned to him. “Right?”

Oh, she was so hot when she was angry. She’d probably hit him if she knew he was thinking it. But the uncertainty in her eyes brought his focus back to what she needed, which was support. “Right.” He smiled and put his hand on her shoulder to steady her. She didn’t return his smile, but did lean into his touch.

Carter jumped up and Luka was about to join him when his face twisted and he slumped. “I still don’t understand why you didn’t tell me,” he choked out before turning and stomping toward the door. They all jumped as it slammed behind him.

“Um…” Luka had all but forgotten the teacher was there until he interjected. “Is he coming back?”

Susan looked from Dr. Taylor to the rest of them with her mouth wide open. “Yeah, uh...give us five minutes? I’ll get him back in here.” She darted after Carter.

Gallant muttered, “I guess if you had known he’d take it so well, you would have announced it first thing?”

Luka jerked his head to look at Gallant in surprise, as Abby snickered, reacting more to the pressure of the situation than anything, Luka thought.

“Congratulations?” Gallant added as they stared and Luka couldn’t help but huff, slightly amused. Who’d have thought Gallant would be the one to break the tension? Maybe the kid had more personality than he’d previously thought.

“So...maybe moving to the front was a bad plan. You all can go sit wherever you...choose.” Poor Dr. Taylor looked even worse for the wear than he had when he’d come in. Luka hoped his heart was in decent condition. He’d prefer not to have to resuscitate him.

Luka followed Abby to a seat a couple rows back, next to the windows. “You okay?” He whispered.

“Yeah. Actually, I’m kind of relieved. It’s out now.”

He nodded, the weight of what she had done hitting him. She hadn’t explained about his likely deportation (obviously), but what she had said held the ring of truth. That she’d said it to Carter, chosen him over Carter...he really wanted to kiss her.

Probably not a good idea at the moment, though.

The door opened and they all tensed, but Susan walked in alone. “Carter will be back in a minute or two. I’m sorry for the...inconvenience.”

Her voice was flat as she spoke and moved to sit in the front again. He hoped this whole thing hadn’t hurt her too badly. It seemed like she’d been aware of Carter’s feelings for Abby, but she likely hadn’t bargained on this. Well, in his opinion they hadn’t been a match. She was probably better off.

Dr. Taylor muttered something about “the day from hell”. Moving to the ancient TV, he pulled out a VHS tape from his bag and got it set up before turning to address the room.

“Based on what I’ve witnessed, I’m going to assume I can skip the “sexual relations in the workplace” section?”

“Yes, sir,” Gallant piped up from the back.

Susan barked out a laugh and Abby joined her, though it sounded a little reluctant. He watched them give each other apologetic smiles. Good, hopefully this wouldn’t put the two of them onto a wrong foot.

The door opened and Carter walked in, looking cowed, putting an end to any smiles or laughter. Luka couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for him, seeing his dejection. After today, though, his compassion was running low. “I’m sorry for the...interruption, Dr…”

“Taylor,” the man supplied, pushing play on the VCR. “We’re covering appropriate touch, sit down wherever, and wake me when the tape is done.”

Carter sat down in the first seat he could find as Taylor propped his feet on the desk, leaned back, and closed his eyes, as if hoping they would all disappear before he opened them again.

 

By the time the seminar finally ended, Luka and Abby bolted for the door. Dr. Taylor, looking like he was probably about to hand in his resignation, called Carter over to him. Probably for no other reason than a desire to avoid any further drama after the sullen looks he’d been throwing toward Luka throughout the day.

“I’m sorry you have to go work a shift after all of that,” he said to Abby. He was tempted to go with her but knew that would be overkill. “Do you want a ride?”

“No, Gallant said he’s on at seven, too, I’ll just walk with him. It’s only a couple of blocks.” She moved out of the walkway to wait and looked up at him. “It wasn’t too bad. I did learn a lot about you. Though,” she smirked and a wicked gleam entered her eyes, “if anyone had told me the first two days of our marriage would involve sex toys and role play, I would not have imagined it would be between you and Carter.”

“Oh my god, Abby.” He laughed with her, even as he flushed from head to toe at the thought. “You’re…” _Ridiculous. Perfect._ Trailing off, he thought of her fiery eyes as she told off Carter, how much he’d missed touching her all day, and how, if she’d let him, he’d enjoy reminding her how little either of those things were needed in bed with them (although he wasn’t opposed to trying them). Luka leaned down, grabbed her by the waist, and kissed her.

Abby froze in shock for a second, mouth still smiling from before, but then let out a soft, satisfied sound that spurred him on. He opened his mouth to run his tongue along her bottom lip as he gripped her hips to pull her closer. Her arms slid up to his neck to tug him down as she leaned up and sucked lightly on his lip. They melted into each other as his tongue touched hers. God, he had missed this, missed her, he was never stopping again, that had been the absolute stupidest thing…

A throat cleared behind them loudly. Abby pulled back abruptly and he followed her gaze to see the others awkwardly waiting for them a few feet away.

“Guess the third time’s the charm,” Susan muttered to Gallant. She was alternating amused looks at them with concerned ones at Carter, who was trying to bore a hole in the ground with his glare. Apparently, they’d been standing there for a while. Oops.

Gallant recovered first, stiffly asking if Abby wanted to walk to the ER together. She nodded, but Luka captured her hand before she could walk away.

“You’ve got your key?”

Luka could see her blush, despite the street lamp being their only illumination. With her lips swollen and eyes wide, she looked beautiful and turned on, and ugh, why couldn’t they both just go home to their bed?

Of course, they had been doing just that the other night and it still hadn’t worked out for him. But she hadn’t been holding back during that kiss tonight either. Maybe...

“Luka,” Abby called him back to the moment and lifted her chin toward Gallant.

“Right. Have a good shift and be safe coming home.” He have her a quick peck on the cheek and she squeezed his arm before walking away with Gallant. Luka watched for a minute before turning to look at his companions.

Susan was giving him a look that said “Get out of here while you still can,” so he quickly spit out “See you guys at work,” and took off for home.

 

&&&

 

By the time she got home after her shift, it was nearly 4 AM. After nearly a full 24 hours of wakefulness, Abby was exhausted. At least she was off until Monday morning, when she and Luka were scheduled together. Still, she tried to be quiet as she unlocked the door to the apartment.

Shit, all her pajamas were in the bedroom now, and she didn’t want to wake Luka. Well, maybe she could get away with sleeping in her bra and underwear. If his earlier kiss was any indication, Luka probably wouldn’t mind even if he did happen to see her in that state.

He had kissed her like _that_...without an audience. That had been for no one else’s benefit, just the two of them in their own world. Maybe their wedding night had been a misunderstanding after all. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time, she thought with a snort.

She reached up and touched her lips, smiling as she rounded the couch.

Abby stopped short and nearly jumped out of her skin when she found the couch occupied by _something_. Her heart pounded as her eyes adjusted to the dark of the apartment, finally slowing again when she saw that the lumpy shape on the couch was in fact Luka...fast asleep.

She had no idea what he was doing out here, but she drank in the sight of him. She had missed this. As intense and brooding and downright intimidating as he could be awake, asleep he was softer. Almost how she imagined he’d been before the world had been so harsh and cruel to him. Aching with her tenderness for him, she reached out and ran her hand through his hair.

He stirred slowly, blinking and yawning as he stretched. His smile was sleepy when he saw it was her. “You’re home.”

“What are you doing out here? You should be in bed.”

Luka reached up and caught the hand still in his hair, bringing it to his lips and pressing a kiss to her palm. “It’s okay. I was waiting here for you, but then I fell asleep reading some articles. I’m fine here, so if you want to take the bed tonight, you can. You’ve had a long day.”

 _Oh_. He had waited up for _her_. Her heart clenched, and she was sorely tempted to tell him to come to bed with her. But it was late, and she didn’t want to make a potentially complicated choice when she was this tired. They needed a chance to iron out a few things first, anyway.

“Alright. Do you have everything you need from the bedroom? Do you need more pillows or blankets?”

“Abby, you’ve been sleeping out here for four nights, I can survive for one. I’ll be fine. Really.”

“Okay, I was just checking. And Luka?”

“Yeah?”

“Um, in the morning...or afternoon, whenever we wake up...could we talk?”

He tightened his hold on her hand. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah. I just—I realized there’s a lot we haven’t told each other or asked, and that’s probably—mostly—because of me, but I just think...we should.”

“Okay,” he agreed with a small smile, relaxing back into the cushions.

Pulling her hand out of his, she grinned at him. “Okay. Cool. Well, um...good night.”

“Good night, Abby.”

Before she could second-guess herself, she bent over and brushed her lips across his, then stood up and went to bed.

 


	5. Maybe We Should Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It becomes very clear that however difficult it might be, Abby and Luka have a few conversations they need to have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter discusses a couple of their other relationships as well as alcoholism, just as a heads up. Since this chapter is dialogue heavy and it's important to their journeys, there's no way of skipping it if it's a trigger, but forewarned is best!

Abby woke slowly, letting herself doze a bit and shake sleep off gradually. She felt well-rested. The combination of exhaustion and the comfort of being in a real bed hadn’t hurt. Neither did being surrounded by the smell of Luka, much as she would have preferred his actual presence. Staring at the ceiling, she had to admit at least that much to herself.

After a whole-body stretch, she checked the alarm clock. 1:46. Well, Luka definitely had to be up.

However, she couldn’t find him anywhere. Making her way into the kitchen, she found a note.  _Abby, I went to the gym. I’ll be back by 3_. He had signed it, which made her smile. As if anyone else would do that.

She decided to go ahead and get ready for the day, since Luka would need a shower when he got back.

By the time he did get back, she was dressed and eating a sandwich at the kitchen table. Fortunately her mouth was full when he walked in all sweaty, so she couldn’t gape at him. How did he look so sexy while he was all sweaty? It would be gross on anyone else.

“Hey! What’s the expression, couch tomato?”

She giggled a little at that. “Couch potato. And I’m not on the couch.”

He grabbed her glass and drank her water. Abby tried not to think about kissing his neck while she watched his muscles contract as he swallowed. After refilling her glass, he handed it back.

“We need some groceries. Want to go to the market with me after I shower?”

“Sure,” she answered, now trying not to think about him in the shower...all wet… Her libido really needed to take a day off. They needed to talk, even if Luka was intent on procrastinating. The grocery run was allowable because they  _did_  need more food. But she was determined to not ruin their relationship this time by avoiding the hard topics.

Luka took his sweet time picking out produce, choosing different cuts of meat (she was NOT looking forward to the lamb stew he was planning), and arguing against her Pop-Tart and sugary cereal choices (he lost). Once they finally got back to the apartment and were unloading their haul, she looked at him expectantly.

He caught her eye, shuffled his feet, and then said, “I need to go to Home Depot.”

Huh? Apparently he  _really_  didn’t want to have this talk.

“For what?” She scrunched her face at him.

“I want to get a curtain rod. Some curtains, you know.”

She bit back a smile. “Yes, I have heard of curtains before.”

“Do you want to come with me?”

“Luka. You said we could talk. Are you avoiding it?”

“No, uh, you can come with me...we can talk at the store.”

“Luka, come on. I won’t bite.” Well, not in this situation, anyway.

He swiped a hand down his face. “You’re sure there’s nothing wrong?”

“Yes.” As much as she’d dreaded having a conversation, his resistance just showed that Abby needed to be the one to initiate it. Clearly. “Sit.”

He moved to the couch and sat at one end as she perched on the other, with one leg folded up so she could turn toward him. It was almost funny, watching him take a deep breath in preparation. It occurred to Abby that they didn’t do this enough if he automatically assumed it meant something terrible.

“What do you want to talk about?” He swallowed nervously and her own nerves returned. She made herself speak before she chickened out.

“Was I only the second woman you ever slept with?”

Luka’s face froze in shock for a second. “Um…where…?”

Oops. “I’m sorry for blurting it out like that. But yesterday, you said you lost your virginity on your wedding night, and I…”

He had recovered enough to squint at her as she floundered for words. “You weren’t the second exactly, but um…you were the second one who…mattered. Is that so unusual?”

Oh, shit, now he thought she was judging him for it. “No, no, it’s just that…you’re a couple years older than me, you were alone for so long, and you look like... _that_  and…I assumed you had a lot more, uh, experience.”

He looked so confused. She was screwing this whole thing up. “What I’m trying to say is that I wish I had known that. There are things I would’ve done differently if I had known.”

“I…Danijela was the first, like I said, and I loved her. We built a life together, a family, you know? And, with her and the kids…I didn’t think I would ever move on. Or that I could. But still, nine years is a long time…sometimes I got lonely, drunk…I’m not proud of it, but that’s all it ever was until you.”

She stared at him for a long moment. He had been so alone for so long, and it hurt just to think about.

“I guess I just want to make sure I didn’t take that from you. I mean, I kissed you out of nowhere, I asked you out, and later I showed up at your hotel and jumped you…”

Luka smirked and rolled his eyes. “Abby. That’s not how I remember it. I’m pretty sure you showed up at my hotel, I thought to yell at me, and when you didn’t, I grabbed you, kissed you, and started taking your clothes off.”

Was it hot in here?

He was right, about that at least. She hadn’t shown up for that, not necessarily. That day at the hospital, he’d looked so forlorn, so ashamed, and she had wanted to take that from him, to help him somehow. When he had finally leaned into her, and he had slipped off her coat and kissed her so deeply, like she was his salvation, well…yeah. She had wanted to be what he had needed almost as much as she had wanted him.

A relationship like that, though, where they were each trying to save the other but didn’t really want to be saved themselves…god, no wonder they hadn’t lasted. It wasn’t sustainable.

“So I didn’t push you?”

Luka shook his head. “You never pushed me into anything I didn’t want to do. Not anything.”

Did he include their marriage in that? She hoped so. It was starting to become clear to her how much she wanted him to want to be with her. For real, this time.

“Also, I want you to know that you can talk to me about Danijela, about your kids. You don’t have to, and I always thought you didn’t want to. But yesterday, it seemed like you liked talking about her, and you can. I want to hear it. Just not if it’s too hard for you.”

She really didn’t want to lay too much on him at once. But he hadn’t run away yet.

“I—” Luka heaved a sigh. “That’s my fault, Abby, I know. When we first got together and you would ask…I had a hard time then. Not because of you, not exactly. But since you were the first woman I was close with, and the mugger…” They both winced. She hadn’t meant to make him feel guilty all over again.

“That wasn’t your fault, Luka, you didn’t—“

He shook that off. “Not that. It just reminded me, the feeling of being helpless. Then the bishop and the trainwreck...it brought it all back and I was struggling with their...with how they died. I know I was distant then, and I’m sorry, I just…I didn’t want to put it on you.”

“You don’t have to protect me like that.” Abby scooted closer and ran her fingers through his hair. He grabbed her hand and squeezed before letting go. “I’ve got my own stuff, you know that.”

He raised his eyebrows at her, so she sighed and continued. “Yeah, I know, I didn’t always share either. But I want to do better. This time. Is there anything you want to know?”

Abby flinched a little at her own bravado. It wasn’t like she was keen on laying open her past, either. Most of what he knew about her, about her family, he’d found out from being there when she dealt with it. Her stomach rolled when she realized he had no idea about her addiction. She’d have to tell him. Oh, she hoped he’d understand. If he couldn’t, she didn’t know what they’d do.

He stared down at his knees. “Something I’ve wanted…when we broke up, what you said about me being married to a ghost…”

Well, ouch, she hadn’t really wanted to go there. Remembering that night left her guilty and raw in a way few things did. Not talking about it wasn’t fair, though, was it? Not with all that she was asking of him. “Luka, I was mad. I shouldn’t have said it.”

“I know we both said things we didn’t mean, Abby, I… _I_  said a lot I didn’t mean. But I want you to know, it wasn’t like that. I wasn’t comparing you to Danijela. I wanted  _you_.”

Abby bit her lip as her eyes stung while they stared at her folded hands. That night had been so awful. Neither of them had been at their best and, looking back, she could see that she had been practically daring him to break up with her. The longer they had been together, the more vulnerable she was. She had already felt like a stand-in, a runner up to the woman he really wanted. And, if she were really honest, Carter had been right there, an easy escape. There had been interest, sure, but mostly it was that it felt like Carter wanted her whole Luka didn’t, not really. He was saying he had wanted her, though, but the things he had said...they had cut her to the bone. She wasn’t sure what to believe.

Why had she wanted to do this again?

Right. Marriage. Luka laid a hand on her shoulder and she took a shaky breath.

“You said—“

“I know what I said, Abby, it was bullshit. You were pushing me away and I was mad that you wouldn’t just admit it. I lashed out. And I was...it hurt. I couldn’t keep hurting like that, no matter how beautiful you are or how special you are to me. Not when you weren’t happy either.”

Oh.  _Oh_. If that’s what he had meant—but then, he’d been flirting with Nicole that night. And slept with her almost immediately, from how it sounded. That was still quite a sore spot, but she shook it off.

“I was going to say earlier, I uh, with you not having a lot of experience with different women, the Nicole thing makes more sense now. How you didn’t see what was happening.”

Luka leaned back to stare at the ceiling as his cheeks turned pink. “That wasn’t...I didn’t mean to... She—well. I was sad and drunk, missing you, and I stupidly let her see me home. I didn’t mean for it to be anything, but then I thought she was pregnant, so I tried to make something out of it. That’s all it was. Before, when I said you were the only other one to matter...you still are. I just don’t make the best decisions when I’m drunk.”

The sweetness of that washed over the lingering wound and soothed it. It seemed that she had misunderstood him just as badly as he had her. To think he had truly wanted her, that he hadn’t moved on either...she felt a spark of hope. But there was still so much he didn’t know about her. He’d spilled his guts to her because she’d asked, and it was only fair that she do the same.

“I understand that better than you know.” He tilted his head to eye her gravely. “I, um. I’m an alcoholic.”

&&&

He stared at her, unable to process what she’d just told him.

She took a deep breath and repeated herself. “I’m an alcoholic.”

“What?”

“Come on, you have to have wondered why I didn’t ever drink around you.”

“I...I didn’t really think about it,” he told her truthfully. Then he paused. “Wait, at our reception…”

Abby sighed. “And that—I-I messed up.”

Luka grimaced. Their reception, her getting very affectionate...this cast a different light on it.

She seemed to read his thoughts. “That’s not when it started again, I promise.”

“Were you—were you drinking when you asked me to marry you?” He hated how uncertain he sounded, but he needed to know.

“No! There was no alcohol involved with that decision. Um, I...I started drinking on my birthday.”

He didn’t remember her birthday one way or another, to his chagrin. Raising an eyebrow, he motioned for her to continue.

“It’s just...it was a really bad day. That patient that stabbed Lucy and Carter came back, I was trying to help a little boy whose mom died, and then Richard, my ex, came and told me he was getting remarried. You told me you were leaving for Bosnia, and no one other than my mom remembered it was my birthday. Joyce—Brian’s wife—offered me a beer when I got home, and it was the first time it felt like anyone had seen me all day. It just felt like nothing mattered. So I took it.”

He hesitated, then reached across the distance between them for her hand. “I’m sorry. I should have…”

“No, Luka, it’s...it’s fine. We were broken up, there was no reason for you to have remembered my birthday, really. And none of the rest had anything to do with you….not that not remembering my birthday was your fault, just—”

“It certainly didn’t help, though.”

She shrugged.

“So you’ve been drinking since then?”

“Yeah. Not much, but...well, I shouldn’t be drinking at all. The night Brian broke into my apartment and beat me up, I had a bottle of wine open that I was working on. Other than our reception, that’s the last time I drank.”

“And—uh, is it...okay? Or is it a problem?”

“I wish I could say it was fine, and I wish I could be one of those people who could stop drinking, but I’m not. If I don’t do something, it’ll get worse and worse.  _I’ll_  get worse, and I..I’m not very likeable drunk.”

Luka thought he might understand. Alcohol wasn’t that way for him, but hadn’t reaching out for Nicole just been to insulate himself against loneliness? To feel something that wasn’t pain? “So...what do we do? How can I help?”

Abby looked over at him, shocked. “Help?”

“If you want my help, that is.” He didn’t want to push her, but if he could be there for her, he would.

She softened. “I-I think I need it. Um, I need to talk to my sponsor in AA, and if you could ask me if I’ve done that tomorrow…”

“Of course.”

She bit her lip, clearly hesitating.

“What is it? You can tell me.”

“I-if it’s possible, could you—we—not keep alcohol here in the apartment? Obviously, you can still drink, I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but having it around means I’ll be tempted to drink it.”

He considered her request. On one hand, he liked having a beer or two to relax sometimes after a hard day. But on the other...was that really worth more than Abby being healthy and feeling happy and good?

“Okay, I’ll do it. It—does it bother you that we go to bars sometimes?”

“It’s not my favorite, but I can handle it. I know that other people enjoy it, and I’m used to it. I’m glad we have Doc Magoo’s near work and that deli down the street here though.” She pulled her hand back and gripped her coffee, staring down into the bottom of the cup.

He stared at her, wishing he knew what to say. This made sense of a lot, though, especially the advances she’d made towards him. Luka wasn’t an idiot; he knew he was good-looking and that Abby certainly wasn’t opposed to his body. But if she had been drinking...or hell, even grappling with drinking, maybe her judgment was impaired. She might want him, but making the decision to pursue it...was that her or the booze talking?

She interrupted his musing. “Janet is my sponsor. Janet Coburn, from OB? I thought you should know, just in case I, uh, I ever need more help than you can give.”

“Okay,” he said, standing. He wasn’t particularly fond of Janet, having butted heads with her over patient care more than not, but he  _did_  respect her. “Do you need more coffee?”

“No, if I keep drinking it I won’t be able to sleep tonight, and I know we have work bright and early tomorrow.”

“Then I’ll make us some hot chocolate, good for the soul, huh?”

Smiling weakly at him, she nodded. He prepared the cocoa, pouring some into a cup for each of them before rejoining her on the couch. She was looking up at him, an odd look on her face.

“What is it,  _moja žena_?” He flushed at the inadvertent endearment that had escaped without thinking. She probably didn’t know what it meant, and at least he hadn’t confessed his undying love for her.

It was her turn to reach for him. Placing a hand on his forearm, she told him, “That’s how I know Carter, too. I mean, I obviously know him from County, but, uh, we were both in AA. After his injury.”

This was the second shock of the evening. Wait, was this her way of telling him that she had a bond with Carter that he couldn’t touch?

“Ah.”

“Um, I probably shouldn’t be saying it, but you’re my husband, and I know you’ll respect his privacy. I-I was his sponsor. That’s why we got close, and that’s...that’s what I was talking to him about a lot of the times before when you…” Abby trailed off, eyes wide with uncertainty as she continued to hold onto his arm.

“When I worried what you weren’t telling me?” It might have been an old wound, but it still hurt that she had turned to Carter instead of him so many times.

Nodding determinedly, she laced their fingers together. “Luka, it wasn’t because I didn’t trust you or because I didn’t want to tell you. When Maggie came to town, you were the first person I wanted to tell, and I tried, but you got called onto a trauma. I needed to talk to someone, and Carter was there. Between that and having to talk to him about stuff for AA...I got into the habit.”

He swallowed. “But you wanted to tell me?”

“So much.”

Maybe...maybe she wasn’t pining over Carter. If she was telling him this, trusting him with even one of Carter’s secrets...huh.

“And now?”

“Now what?” she asked in confusion.

“If—or when—something else happens or goes wrong, will you tell me? Instead of Carter or whoever happens to be there?”

She bit her lip. “As much as I can. I’m obviously not Carter’s sponsor anymore, so that’s not an issue. But there are some things that are probably better if I talk to Janet about first.”

Luka let out a sigh. “Okay.” He could probably handle that.

“Not that I’ll be keeping things from you, it’s just...she’s in the program too and is a woman.”

He smiled at the furrow between her brow. “Abby, I’m not saying...that. I know it’s good to have girl talk, or whatever. Just, with the big things, I want to know. And I know you don’t always want help, but—”

“You’re my favorite person to talk to,” she blurted out. “I...I want to tell you things more than I want to tell  _anybody_. So whatever I can tell you, I will.”

Wow. That was...so much more than he had ever hoped for, in some ways. He would have to think about it later, but right now, she needed reassurance.

“Oh,” he said. “I-I feel the same.” He squeezed her hand and smiled at her, wishing he could pull her into his lap, wishing he could hold her.

“I want our marriage to work,” she said. When he gave her a quizzical look, she elaborated. “When I was married before, we started out in love. Or maybe I was just grateful for what felt like a fresh start away from my family, I don’t know. But I started drinking more and more, and he and I never...we never talked. When things got bad, it-I felt like I was on my own trying to fix things.”

Luka hadn’t much liked Richard when he’d met him, but he and Abby had been so shaky at that point that he hadn’t wanted to antagonize her ex, even if he did seem like a condescending jerk. “Was—did he hurt you?”

Abby hesitated. “Not...not like that. He cheated on me, and he lied to me all the time, which didn’t help with the trust thing for my next relationship. Sorry.”

“He didn’t deserve you. You’re—you’re beautiful and special, and for him to squander that is...there is no excuse.” If he had Abby’s love, he couldn’t fathom losing it and seemingly without caring.

Her eyes widened and went glassy, then she launched herself into his arms. Without a thought, he wrapped her in his embrace, holding her tightly for long minutes.

When they finally pulled back from each other, he could almost hear the unspoken “where do we go from here?” between them.

He wasn’t sure. Luka had a lot to think about, that was for sure. He wanted Abby, wanted her to be with him, and wanted her to want that too. And...it didn’t seem hopeless, but between her drinking possibly affecting her behavior and probably still recovering from everything with Brian, he didn’t want to act and have it hurt her more in the long run.

But she needed him, and she’d asked him for help. He wouldn’t let her down.

Reaching forward, he tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear. Leaning toward her, he dropped a soft kiss to her forehead. “I-I’m glad we talked, and I want us to be able to keep doing so. But now I really do need to go to Home Depot for the curtains, if you want to come with me so we can get ones you like.”

“Oh, wait, you actually need to do that?” She stared at him, puzzled. He wasn’t sure about what, but hopefully she would tell him if it was important.

He grinned at her. “See, I wasn’t only trying to avoid talking. Are you coming?”

She paused, then shook her head. “Nah. Just get something neutral, and I’ll make you return it if I hate it. I’m going to stay here for a bit. Maybe I’ll actually make some dinner for us for a change.”

“Sounds good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, friends! We're so glad you've been enjoying this!


	6. Next to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month into marriage, Abby and Luka are settling in, moving out of her apartment, getting their wedding pictures, and maintaining a steady level of constant sexual frustration. They're enjoying each other's company and steadily getting closer, when Luka has a realization and Abby has to face one of her fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, heads up that this chapter does have brief, non-graphic and canon-compliant descriptions of violence, but nothing we haven't dealt with already.

Abby was fairly sure she was dying. If it was possible to die of sexual frustration, she was terminal.

It had been a constant state for weeks now, what with all the kissing, hand-holding, and hugging, but it was especially bad today.

She had been here minding her own business watching TV and psyching herself up to go through their wedding photos when Luka had come in from work and walked over to the couch and set his bag of takeout on the side table. Then he’d lifted her feet from where they were stretched out and down next to her, replacing her feet in his lap.

Luka smiled tiredly at her, and she resisted the urge to reach over and comb her fingers through his hair. “Sorry I couldn’t give you a lift home after your shift, but I didn’t know how long I was going to be there, with Mark calling off.”

“It’s fine,” she said with a wave of her hand. “I just wanted to get back and take a nap before starting to go through our wedding pictures.”

“Did you?”

“Yep. Took a nap and even ate a microwaved burrito.”

“Good, good. Do we need to pick up anything at the grocery store?”

“Yeah, I added a couple things to the list, but I figured we could probably do that on the way back from clearing out my place tomorrow, if that’s okay with you.”

“Of course,” he said. Then that bastard had the audacity to take one of her feet in his hands and start massaging it.

Abby bit back a moan, but a gasp escaped her as his thumb pressed into the arch of her foot.

Luka just smirked at her before turning to watch the episode of Survivor, continuing to work on her feet.

It felt so good, but the way she reacted to his hands on any part of her was...not helping.

She tried to give him a stern look, but failed desperately and relaxed into his touch instead. “You going to eat your dinner at some point?”

“Mmhmm, when I’m done with this. You looked tired today at work. Besides, are you going to tackle _that?_ ” Luka asked, gesturing with his elbow to the stacks of of photos on the coffee table next to her.

“Yeah. I just got distracted.” She saw him hiding a grin and reached behind her back for the throw pillow, wacking him with it lightly. “Not by that, you ass. By the episode of Survivor.”

“Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.” He _winked_ at her, and she clenched her thighs in silent frustration.

Admittedly, _this_ wasn’t going to help her sleep tonight, but it would lead to sweet dreams. Probably.

She glared at him, knowing the crinkles around her eyes gave away her mirth. “Besides, now that you’re here, I figured we could look over some of the pictures together to decide which ones we want to frame.”

As soon as the episode was over, Abby turned off the television and regretfully extricated her feet from her husband’s lap. Okay, she _did_ feel a lot better. She picked up one of the paper cases of the photos while Luka finally grabbed his dinner and started on that.

The first few were fine, if nothing special. They were just of them waiting to be let into the chamber where the ceremony had taken place. They were cute and would be nice for the album, but they probably wouldn’t get them framed.

Then Abby got to the photos from the ceremony itself, and she paused, feeling the blush stealing over her cheeks and neck.

Had she and Luka really been looking at each other like...that? She pulled the picture of them reciting their vows closer, staring down at the besotted look on her face. She glanced over at Luka, absorbed as he was in eating his pad thai. In the photo, he was looking back at her intently, something like devotion shining in his eyes.

“What? Is that a good one?” Luka’s question had her nearly jumping out of her skin.

Wordlessly, she handed the picture to him.

The curiosity on his face turned to something indefinable as he examined the picture, turning just as red as she was. Gruffly, he said, “That is a good one.”

“Yeah.”

Taking the picture back and setting it aside on the coffee table, she continued thumbing through them. The blush didn’t go away; the ones of her and Luka kissing were...wow. Abby was certain she’d _never_ been more aware of Luka, other than in situations involving far less clothing.

She found a few more from the wedding and reception that they decided to get framed before starting in on the miscellaneous pictures Luka had. As soon as he was done with his food, he inched closer to her, loosely draping his arm behind her on the back of the couch. She _knew_ it was just because it was easier for them to both look at the pictures, but it didn’t stop her pulse from racing.

There were some that were scenic pictures, clearly of Croatia. They were beautiful. Abby asked, “Did you take these? They’re fantastic.”

He shook his head. “No, my father took them. A lot of them are photo studies for his painting, but he likes to give them to me when he’s done. ‘So I won’t forget where I come from,’ he says.”

“Well, we should frame some of these too.”

He didn’t say anything, but he placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. She leaned into him slightly and smiled, moving on to the next set of pictures.

These ones were loose and not particularly grouped. Abby continued thumbing through them until she reached one faded one and paused.

Luka stiffened next to her. She bit her lip and cleared her throat. “Is this Danijela and your daughter?”

He removed his arm from around her shoulders, and she tried not to feel too bereft at the loss of contact. “Yes.”

She stared down at the picture, at the first woman Luka had loved, then at his daughter—god, she looked so much like Luka. Softly, she placed a tentative hand on her husband’s bicep. “Do you, um, do you want to get this one framed too? We can put it up as well.”

 

&&&

 

God, it had been such a long day. All he had wanted to do was go home with Abby, but with all that was going on with Mark and Elizabeth, he couldn’t begrudge him needing extra time. He was more than happy to be home now, though.

Even after a month, Luka hadn’t gotten used to the warmth that filled his chest whenever he got to come home to Abby instead of to an empty apartment. Being there together, with her, made it a real home.

Despite knowing they shouldn’t sleep together yet, he couldn’t help himself when it came to touching her. If her blushes and stifled gasps were any indication, she didn’t have any complaints. Those weren’t exactly helping his self-control, however.

Luka was curious to see the pictures, but he was too busy eating and sneaking peeks at Abby out of the corner of his eye. She flipped to one that made her eyes go wide and her face turn bright red. It was on the tip of his tongue to tease her when a look crossed her face of such vulnerability that he couldn’t. It was gone in a blink, but he had to know what had caused it.

The picture itself made his heart nearly stop. She had been so gorgeous. The dress was part of it, but it was more that she was luminous, lit up from the inside, and the look in her eyes as she recited her vows to him…wow, he hadn’t imagined it. Wrenching his eyes from Abby, he looked to himself and his face flushed hot. It was a familiar expression, one he’d seen over and over, even if the only photos he’d ever seen it in had been destroyed. It was exactly how he’d looked at Danijela. With love.

Something clicked inside him then. The heartbreak of losing Abby, the jealousy, the inability to tell her no, the earth-shattering panic that had seized him when she’d come into the ER so battered…it was because he loved her.

It seemed wrong to say he loved anyone other than Danijela, but she was gone, and it was just…the truth.

Well, he was done eating for now. He tucked the take out box closed as he tucked that revelation away to deal with later.

Luka slid over to look at the pictures and stretched his arm behind her. Wow. Abby had looked hot enough on their wedding day to make him swallow his tongue already. But add to it the way she looked in these pictures where he was kissing her…damn.

She had kissed him back and he’d known that, obviously, but either Abby was a fantastic actress or she _really_ wanted him. Her eyes were glassy in the couple where she had them open, and she was leaning into him with her whole body, hands clutching him like she never wanted to let him go. Oh, he wanted to pull off her shirt and see if he could make her blush all the way down her chest like she was in that one. And she hadn’t had a drop to drink at that point.

Abby was flipping through pictures of the reception now. They looked so happy and Abby was still lit up like a Christmas tree. He could see it on her face, though, when happy had melted into tipsy. As much as he’d been confused and hurt that night, he was grateful that they hadn’t had sex while she was drinking. He wanted her to be clear-minded and sure when he FINALLY took her to bed.

Thankfully, she moved onto pictures his dad had sent. One minute Luka was imagining showing his home country to Abby in person, and the next he was gut-punched by seeing Danijela and Jasna right in front of him, in Abby’s hands.

Danijela looked so young. She _was_ young. And Jasna had only gotten to grow for about another year and a half. It felt wrong to look at these with Abby, but he wasn’t sure why.

“Is that Danijela and your daughter?”

“Yes,” he answered as he pulled back from her. Guilt churned in his stomach and his ears were ringing and…Abby wanted to hang the picture up?

“I—“ Luka heard his voice crack and he cleared his throat. “You would do that?”

“Of course,” Abby answered as her voice wobbled and he felt her squeeze his arm. He hadn’t even realized she’d been touching him. “I mean, they’re…they’re part of you, Luka. Of course you should hang their picture. If you want to.” She brushed her fingers through his hair and his eyes stung even as he leaned into her.

“That wouldn’t make you feel…like I’m…” Luka swallowed. He didn’t know how to put it into words, he just knew that he didn’t want to make Abby feel bad.

“You don’t have to choose, Luka,” Abby whispered, and he jerked his eyes up sharply. “I know I said…but that’s because I thought you only wanted me as a...because you couldn’t have her. You’re allowed to…care about me and her—and your kids—all at the same time.”

His head dropped down to her shoulder. That WAS the crux of it. If they had lived, he’d never have met Abby. As much as he wished they had lived, he also couldn’t wish her out of his life. Wishing either way, futile as it was, felt like a betrayal to either Danijela or Abby.

But in truth, Danijela was gone. If it had been the other way around, if he had died, Luka would never have wanted her to live like he had, so all alone. Falling in love with Abby, marrying Abby, hadn’t been the plan, not that he’d had one. But hurting her, hurting himself, out of a desire to be faithful to a wife he had buried long ago was foolish. And how could the woman he loved, his _wife_ know so little about his children? If they only could live in his memory, didn’t he owe it to them to remember them as they had lived, not only as they had died?

Abby’s arms were around him and he let himself melt into her, to relish her warmth and solidity, and the fact that she was _there_ and _alive._ After a few moments, he pulled back to look at her. Her eyes were wet, like his own, and he cupped her cheek as he tenderly swiped his thumb under one eye. She looked unsure whether or not she should pull away, so he tugged her to sit next to him and wrapped his arm around her. He cleared his throat again.  

“Her name was Jasna. She’s little here; this was before Marko was born.”

“Your son?”

He sniffed. “Yeah. He was only eleven months old.”

Abby burrowed into him and he breathed in the smell of her hair. She took a shaky breath before speaking. “She—Jasna—she looks so much like you.”

“Yeah, she does.” The memory brought a smile to his face. “That pissed Danijela off. Nine months of carrying her, 37 hours of labor, all for a kid that didn’t look like her at all.”

“Wow. 37 hours, I’d be pissed, too.”

That did make Luka wonder, if he and Abby ever did…no. Now wasn’t the time to let himself go there.

“Then, Marko only took six hours. She didn’t want to go to hospital too early and I was scared I was going to have to deliver him in the car.”

“Did you make it?”

“Yeah, she was at ten centimeters when we got to a room, though. Fortunately she had stopped yelling obscenities by then. She had to focus.”

They both chuckled and he smiled at her for a second when she looked up at him from her perch against his chest. “He was a good baby. Happy. Jasna was…well, she was good. Once she got older and decided sleep wasn’t so terrible.”

It was so visceral for Luka to shy away from talking about them. But talking to Abby, like this, it felt right. The guilty knot in his chest uncurled a little bit. “Thank you, Abby.”

“For what?”

“For…I don’t know. Caring. Letting me talk, but not…making me.”

Abby’s eyes were soft as she looked up at him. “Thank you for telling me about them.”

Luka nodded and looked away. “And thank you for wanting to put the picture up. But…I don’t think I can. Not yet. It…it feels wrong because I don’t have any of Marko.” God, that hurt him to even say, and he couldn’t look at Abby.

When she spoke, her voice trembled. “Okay. If…it’s okay if you ever change your mind.”

She buried her face back in his chest and held him tight. Pulling her legs up so that she was sitting in his lap, he rested his cheek against her head and held her back. He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but after a while, her breathing had evened out.

Luka laid her down on the pillow and spread the blanket out over her. God, she was beautiful. He’d much rather take her to his bed, but…not when she was sleeping. “Goodnight, my wife,” he whispered before leaning in to kiss her gently.

Oh, he loved her.

 

&&&

 

Abby was ready to just be _done_ with her apartment. Under different circumstances, she might have been more concerned about missing it—it was the first place she’d lived that was _hers_ , after all—but after everything with Brian, she just wanted to leave.

It helped that she and Luka had done a lot to make his—their—apartment feel like home. After a month, it didn’t feel like a bachelor pad anymore, even without her knicknacks. They’d have those by the end of the day, though.

She was glad Luka was with her, even if this was probably going to take up their entire shared day off. Especially after last night, with everything they’d talked about. And how she’d fallen asleep in his arms. To be fair, it was on his lap, and at some point, he’d clearly gotten up and made her more comfortable on the couch.

She glanced over at him across her bedroom, where he was bobbing his head to the music as he packed some of her things into a box. Biting back a smile, she shoved the last of her clothes into a bag. He made things so much easier for her.

“Um, when you’re done with that box, I think my room will be finished.”

“Okay. Is there...uh, which of the furniture for here do you want to keep?”

Abby shrugged. “I don’t think we need to keep anything from the bedroom set, unless you want to hold onto it in case we fix up that extra area upstairs into another bedroom. But I’m not attached to it, so we could always pick out something else. It’s up to you.”

 _Please don’t tell me to keep my bed, because I’d very much like to be sharing yours at some point, hopefully soon_. It was getting harder and harder to convince herself that their marriage was purely platonic, even if Luka hadn’t made any bold gestures and they hadn’t explicitly said anything. The teasing, the support, and the undeniable heat between them…

“Oh, we don’t need any of it,” Luka said in a rush. “I just didn’t want you to feel like we have to get rid of it if it means something to you. We can use your things instead of mine, even.”

“Nah, I like most of your stuff just fine. But we are taking my lamps.”

“What are you implying?”

“Um, that you live like some kind of cave creature and that we need more light.”

He sniffed at her but was clearly trying not to grin. “Fine, if you say so.”

They carried the boxes and bags near the door to the hall, where Luka fiddled with the broken lock. “Abby?”

“Yeah?”

“Do we need to replace the locks?”

She shook her head. “No, the landlord will handle that, and he’s giving me a break on the final cleaning. Basically, we just need to get everything out of here.”

He came over to her and placed a hand on her back. “Are you ready to deal with some of the stuff from that night, or do we need a break first?”

She bit her lip. They could take a break, go get coffee and something small, or they could work on the kitchen. Or she could face the mess. “Let’s just clean it up first, it’s more practical. Then maybe we can go grab lunch if we’re hungry.”

“Sounds good,” he said, smiling at her and pulling her close in a quick hug. Abby leaned into his chest for a moment, taking comfort from his steady presence.

“Alright, let’s get it done.”

Taking a deep breath, Abby grabbed a rag and bleach and headed to the bathroom while Luka wordlessly picked up the open bottle of wine to dispose of it.

The flaked, dry blood on the floor and in the sink had her reeling. She hurried to clean it up as best as she could, finally coming to face herself in the mirror, much as she had just over a month ago. She touched the skin around her eye socket. The bruising had long since faded, and it was no longer tender. Being here in this place surrounded by the memories of that awful night, though, panic started clutching at her throat and it was like she was just as broken as she was a month ago.

“Abby?”

She started, turning to face Luka. He stood in the doorway, looking at her concern. “Oh. Um, right. I think I’m done in here, though I do want to take the wall art from in here.”

“Okay. I’ll grab it, if you want to start boxing things from the kitchen.”

With a tight smile, she nodded and squeezed past him to head to the kitchen.

 

&&&

 

“Oh my god, I’m exhausted,” Abby moaned, collapsing onto the couch. They had cleared out her apartment, with the help of the movers they’d hired to take most of the furniture and some of the assorted bric-a-brac. Not only that, but they’d bought picture frames and groceries and had even unpacked a few of the bags and boxes.

Now it was close to 9, and they’d eaten pizza and had sodas, but Abby wasn’t sure her muscles were capable of moving anymore.

Luka grunted, slumping next to her. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“Well, on the bright side, I doubt we’ll ever have to buy hand towels or coffee mugs ever again.”

“Mm, no. Not unless we redecorate.”

“You’re not allowed to say that word after all the boxes we moved today.”

He laughed and sank further into the cushions. “And we have more to deal with over the next few days, too.”

“You’re lucky, you have tomorrow off and can do more. If you want.”

“Of course. Your shift doesn’t start until noon, right?”

“Yeah, but I really am wiped, and tomorrow is going to _hurt_ ,” she said with a sigh.

He dropped his head onto her shoulder. “I’d offer a massage, but I don’t think I can lift my arms anymore.”

She patted his head, running her fingers through his hair to rub the nape of neck. “Thank you, by the way.”

“‘S fine. Anytime.” His arm snaked around her waist, and she felt his thumb rubbing circles just above the small of her back.

They sat there contentedly for a few minutes more, but Abby felt her eyes growing heavy. Regretfully, she pulled back from his embrace and stood up. “Sorry, but if I stay on the couch, I’m going to pass out, and I want a shower first. I’ll try to be quick.”

“Mmhmm. I’ll get a shower once you’re done.”

“I promise not to use all the hot water. And don’t fall asleep.”

“Okay,” he replied unconvincingly.

Abby sighed as she made her way up the stairs. This would be so much easier if they could just shower together, even if they were too tired for anything to happen.

Tempted though she was to linger under the hot spray of the water, she was out in ten minutes. She pulled on her pajamas and combed her hair before heading downstairs again. Luka’s head had started to loll, even though he’d made a valiant attempt at wakefulness by turning the TV on.

Abby smiled at him. Bending over, she shook his shoulder lightly. “Hey, sleepyhead. Time to go to bed.”

“I’m awake.”

“Huh, that’s weird, because it sure looks like your eyes are closed.”

He grumbled at her before cracking open one eye. “Now they’re not.”

“Then get up, take a shower, and go to bed.”

“But I’m comfy.”

“You’ll be comfier and less annoyed tomorrow if you’ve had a hot shower and don’t try to cram your giant self onto this couch.”

Sighing dramatically, he hauled himself to his feet. “K. See you in the morning.”

He wrapped her in his arms and kissed the top of her head, and she blushed as she watched him make his way up the stairs. “‘Night.”

 

&&&

 

He was chasing her. All of the rooms she tried to get into so she could hide, escape, were locked, and she could feel her desperation growing, clutching at her…

She couldn’t let him get her, couldn’t let him touch her.

Abby nearly wept when she found herself backed into a corner, Richard looming over her, sneering down as she cowered.

“What were you expecting, Abby? No good as a doctor, no good as a wife. You’re alone and you always will be. Except for me,” he said, leaning over her.

His face shifted into a more darkly handsome one, and she tried to scream when she saw that it was Brian, wrapping his hand around her arm like a vise. “No one gives a shit about you, bitch. No one’s going to help you.”

His hand reached up and closed around her neck, squeezing…

Abby awoke with a loud gasp, sitting up and reaching for neck. She rubbed at it, relieved to find nothing there. Still, her heart wouldn’t stop racing.

She was clammy and jittery, and she just couldn’t calm down. God, she wanted a drink. She sat there a moment longer, head tucked between her knees as she tried to even out her breathing. Finally, she made up her mind.

Taking a deep breath, she stood and eyed the stairs. Biting her lip, she grasped the railing and bid herself up.

When she reached the top, the bedroom door was open. Shuffling in, she saw Luka sprawled out in the middle of the bed. The sight of him there, utterly relaxed, loosened the knot in her chest, but it still wasn’t enough.

“Luka?” she whispered.

He sat up, forehead crinkling with his sleepy confusion. “Abby? Is everything okay?”

“I-I had a nightmare.” She hated how weak she sounded, but she need _something_ , anything, and she just hoped he would know what.

His frown softened as he took in her crossed arms. “You’re shaking. Come here,” he said, lifting the blankets.

She climbed in under the covers, twisting and reaching for Luka and wrap her arms around him.

He went completely still. Shit, did he not want her here like this? She shrank back, trying to put space between them, when she felt his hand land gently on her hip.

“Hey, what’s wrong? What do you need?”

“I...Richard was there, and then he was Brian, and...I—could you just hold me? If that’s okay?”

She reached up and tried to wipe the tears off her cheeks, but Luka caught her hands and pulled her toward him.

Brushing his lips across hers, he leaned his forehead against hers. “Shh, shh, of course. For as long as you like.”

She melted into his embrace, letting him adjust the covers around them as she lay there half on top of him, his arms keeping her safe and warm. She half-wished he wasn’t wearing a sleep shirt, because she missed the feel of his skin against hers, but this was soothing enough.

So, too, was the way he ran his hand through her hair, whispering things in Croatian. “ _Ići na spavanje,_ _moja ljubavi_.”

It just felt so _good_ to be here in this bed with him, arms around each other and legs tangled together. His heartbeat, steady and true, lulled her to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and hopefully you enjoy!


	7. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no moving forward without change, but does it have to be so hard?

Early the following morning, Luka woke up warm and happy. At least until the warmth drifted away and the bed shifted.

He cracked an eye open to see Abby attempting to push herself up off the bed, swearing quietly at the sound of the floor creaking under her feet.

Pushing himself up on his elbows, he smiled at her. She was so cute like this, even if he had no idea where she was going. “What are you doing?”

She jumped and whipped around to face him, hand on her heaving chest. “Jesus, you scared me.”

“Sorry.”

“I...I thought maybe I should go back to the couch.”

His smile turned to a frown. Luka really wasn’t fond of that idea, having slept better with her here in his arms than he had in...well, seven or eight months. “Why? Were you not comfortable?”

Abby bit her lip. “No, I was. And thank you, by the way. I just didn’t want to...invade your space or anything.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “Abby, you’re tiny.”

“Well, I woke you up,” she said, but it was said with a smile and a small shrug. She was losing steam for arguing about it. Good.

“I didn’t mind, I promise.”

“Still, maybe I should head back to the couch?”

“Or...you could stay here. It’s 6 in the morning, the bed is warm, and we can sleep a few more hours. Unless you sleep better on the couch.” He raised an eyebrow at her.

She came closer to the bed but didn’t quite get in. “Um, if you’re sure. I don’t want to…”

“Abby, we’re married. I promise, you being in this bed is  _not_  an intrusion.” If she needed him to be more blunt about how much he wanted her here, he would, but she had to know that she wasn’t in the way.

“Alright,” she said, but still hesitated.

He lifted the covers in invitation, and she finally crawled back in. As soon as she was settled next to him, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and asked, “Is this okay?”

“Yeah.”

He let out a sigh, pulled her close, and fell back asleep.

&&&

Abby’s shift had been BRUTAL. She spent half the day anxiously following around a sweaty, shaky Dr. Greene while pretending she wasn’t (thanks, Dr. Weaver), and the other half divided between chasing an elderly lady with dementia who kept trying to leave and babysitting a baseball team who had all caught some nightmare stomach bug. She was supposed to leave at ten, but by the time she boarded the L, it was after 12:30.

Her eyes kept blurring, but she forced them open. The last thing she wanted to do was to drift off and end up missing her stop. All she wanted to do was get home to Luka and sleep for a week. The chill of the night air woke her up just enough to keep her aware of her surroundings as she made it home and up the elevator.

As she stumbled into the apartment and locked the door, Abby let her coat and purse drop straight off her and didn’t even glance in the direction of the kitchen. The candy bar she’d scarfed down would tide her over long enough to let her sleep. She climbed the stairs in a blur, desperate for both Luka and rest, and finally, she made her way into the master bedroom. Her shoes were kicked off and she flopped face down on the bed. Almost comfortable. Unhooking her bra and pulling it through the sleeve of her scrub top, she threw it…somewhere…before scooting further into the bed toward the sound of Luka’s deep breathing. Ah, she finally felt the warmth radiating from him. She curled into the pillow and fumbled with her hand until she felt his arm, then let the peace and sleep wash over her and pull her under.

&&&

When Abby first woke, it was to a still-dark room. She blinked in confusion before registering her position, along with a familiar zing shooting down her chest to her stomach. Sometime in the night, Luka had shifted  _a lot_. She’d really been out of it not to notice him moving one arm behind her head to cradle her. The other hand, though…that one was the real problem. Goosebumps slid over her as she bit back a moan at the way he had bunched up her top and was clutching the bare skin of her waist.

His large hands had always been a weakness for her. It was about to kill her now, because while his hand was wrapped around her waist, his thumb was high enough that it was brushing the side of her breast. She’d forgotten how grabby he was in his sleep. It hadn’t been an issue when they’d been dating and having sex on the regular, but after a month of building frustration, this was enough to make her explode.

It took her a couple minutes to figure out a way to extract herself without forcing him to accidentally grab her whole boob. Not that she’d have minded, but it would be a lot less awkward and a lot more  _enjoyable_  with intent. She started to scoot herself straight up, but Luka let out a small noise of complaint, shifting his hand to grip her waist tighter.

Fortunately, it also moved his hand into less dangerous territory. She could see just well enough in the dark to see that his brow had crinkled. He wasn’t a light sleeper, so she smoothed it with a finger before snuggling back down against his arm and tucking her hand between them, against his chest. With her lust dialed down to a more manageable low-level hum, and her heart clenching at the sweetness of him wanting to keep her close as he slept, she drifted off again.

&&&

When Abby woke again, it was to a muttered curse from Luka and early morning light. He shifted slightly away from her and she groaned at the loss of his warmth, her side feeling extra chilly where her shirt had ridden up.

“Sorry. Cold?”

He slipped his arm back around her and she started to settle against his shoulder when her location dawned on her and her eyes flew open.

“Oh my god! I’m sorry, I was so tired last night. I just came in here without thinking. It was such a long shift, I just...sorry.”

His chest shook with his low chuckle. “Did it seem like I minded?”

His gravelly morning voice should be illegal, seriously, as should the way his hand felt as it rubbed up and down her arm. She blushed hotly as she thought of how he hadn’t minded at  _all_ , at least not while sleeping.

“No, it didn’t.” She bit her lip.

“I thought we settled it yesterday. You are more than welcome in my bed. Well— _our_  bed.”

Abby looked up to find Luka smiling and raising his eyebrows at her and she had to wonder if he knew how suggestive that sounded. His own cheeks were pink, so perhaps he did.

“Okay, so I just...sleep here now?”

Luka’s smile dropped into seriousness as he looked at her intently. “Yes. I want you to, if you want to.”

She still felt unsure. It seemed like only a matter of time before they admitted this wasn’t just a marriage of convenience and actually did something about it,  _hopefully, yes please_. But if he was leaning toward more time rather than less, Abby wasn’t sure she’d survive sleeping in bed with him every night. On the other hand…maybe she could...help him along a little.

“Abby, about that, are you—“

The obnoxious beeping of the alarm clock cut Luka off and he slapped it off aggressively then groaned.

“Do you want the shower first?”

“Um, yeah, thanks.”

They shared a disappointed look before climbing out of bed simultaneously. They’d have to finish the conversation later. Abby would just add it to the list of what they needed to do later—soon.

&&&

Luka wished he and Abby had just stayed in bed. The day wasn’t a complete wash—there was an exciting, charged energy to how he and Abby interacted with each other now, as if things were simultaneously falling into place and on the precipice of change. It was nice, too, being on the same shift and getting to work together. She was his favorite person to work with, as a nurse or when she was a med student, and that was true whether they were involved or not.

Maybe it was knowing that they  _were_ involved that made this shift both easier and more difficult. Things were shifting between them, as surely as they shifted toward each other in their sleep. It was easier knowing he could flirt and she’d flirt back. More difficult, because, well, they had to work and that really wasn’t the place for him to get turned on.

At least the day was busy. Mark was...not well. Luka grimaced, wondering if Mark knew how steeply he was declining. Maybe he did—he seemed odd today, though Luka didn’t know him well enough to say for certain.

And they had a new doctor, or at least a new would-be doctor. Luka wasn’t entirely sure whether Pratt was a med student or intern, and with a sigh he made a mental note to ask Abby later. Whatever he was, he was on the arrogant side, but life and working at County had a way of taking that out of a person, so maybe his confidence would be a good thing.

He was passing by the drug lockup when he saw Abby in there, brow furrowed as she looked for the meds for their latest patient. Smiling, he said, “Second shelf from the bottom, behind the prednisone.”

She started, then grinned when she saw it was him. “Thanks. Though it seems like duplication of effort if both of us are in here getting Mrs. Richardson’s meds.”

“I just needed a couple minutes.”

“Yeah, it’s crazy, isn’t it?”

Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, he nodded. She stilled against him, then leaned in, wrapping her arms around his waist. They stood there for a few minutes, enjoying the quiet and peace of being in their own bubble for a short time.

They looked up at the sound of someone else coming into the cage, and Luka braced himself for a snide remark when he saw that it was Carter. To his surprise, Carter didn’t say anything, just nodded at them, a blank look on his face.

Abby squeezed his waist one last time then pulled back reluctantly. “I should probably get back out there.”

“Me too,” he said, brushing a kiss across the top of her head. “We’ll get out of your way, Carter, sorry.”

“No problem,” he said.

Luka frowned at how listless Carter seemed, but it certainly wasn’t his place to ask, and he doubted Carter would welcome questions from him anyway. Nodding as he squeezed past, he tried to get his head back into their case, even though he sighed, longing for Abby and home.

&&&

Finally, their shift was over, and he and Abby, hand-in-hand, made their way to the L station to head home.

“I wish I could say I have the energy to cook, but I just don’t,” he said with a rueful grin when they sat down on the train.

“Oh, me neither. I’m fine with takeout or the deli, if you are.”

“Mmhmm,” he said, nodding his agreement. He dropped one hand onto her thigh and glanced at her out of the corner of his eye to see if she was okay with it.

She smiled, reaching up to put her arm around his shoulders, tangling her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. “So, Dr. Kovač, after we eat, do you want to watch a movie?”

He grinned at her. “Well, Mrs. Kovač, normally I’d say yes, but I think...we should just go to bed."

Abby raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you?”

“I do,” he said, though he could feel his face turning red. He hadn’t meant  _that_ , but he was more than okay with it, if she was. Finding his hand up her pajama shirt, all but fully groping her breast this morning...well, she didn’t seem to mind, but he needed to be certain. And the L wasn’t the place for that kind of conversation. Instead he leaned into her caresses and rubbed slow circles on her thigh until their stop.

That was not helping the tension between them, even if it was a good tension.

After they disembarked and stopped at the deli for sandwiches—they were ravenous and ate them before they even got home—they hurried to their apartment.

Once they were inside, he felt oddly shy in a way he hadn’t since their first date.

“Ah, I’ll go hop in the shower real fast, then it’s all yours.”

“That’s fine, you got the brunt of the grossness from that trauma. And, um, I have to take my birth control and do a few other things, then I’ll be there,” she said, face averted.

Air, he needed air. What was breathing again? Did she mean…? Oh, god, he just needed to go cool off somewhere. Right, a cold, cold shower.

“See you soon,” he said, heading upstairs. He cringed.  _See you soon_? It was amazing how quickly Abby could reduce him to juvenile idiocy.

The shower helped calm him in some ways, though his nerves remained. This was the first night since they had gotten married that they were intentionally going to bed together, whatever that ended up meaning. And he loved her so much and didn’t want to hurt her or ruin this.

He put on his pajama pants, opting to go shirtless, just in case. Besides, it was warming up finally. He wouldn’t want them to get overheated or anything. Snorting internally at his transparency, he pulled out an article he’d been reading to distract himself until Abby was ready.

Luka nearly choked when Abby came out of the bathroom and made her way to the bed. She was ready for bed, alright, if bed involved killing him by wearing what appeared to be one of his tee shirts and nothing else.

If the smile on her lips was anything to go by, maybe killing him  _was_  her intention. He set down the article and held his breath as she climbed into bed next to him, eyes trained on her, on the expanse of skin before him. She might not have the longest legs in the world, but they were perfect, they were bare, and  _god_ , he remembered how they felt wrapped around his waist...

He bit his lip, hard, to pull himself away from that line of thought. Not that it grew any easier when she scooted up next to him and pulled his arm around her, tucking her backside firmly against his front. In fact, certain things were, to his consternation, getting harder.

Trying to take a deep breath, he took her hand in his. Luka relaxed a little when she pulled their entwined hands to her chest, but otherwise appeared ready to sleep. Maybe they would get some rest after all.

Then Abby arched back against him. He froze, not wanting to make her uncomfortable, if it was just the innocent shifting that preceded falling asleep. But then she repeated the motion and pulled his hand to her lips, and he knew.  _Oh_.

She wanted this, wanted him.

And frankly, he wanted her just as badly, so he didn’t see much a reason not to give his wife what she wanted.

He let out a sigh, thrusting up against her as he pulled his hand from hers. Brushing her hair off her neck, he trailed his lips along her silky skin, relishing her gasp.

Having her in his arms again was overwhelming; he couldn’t decide what to touch next, what he wanted to do most. He wanted to touch all of her at once, and he wanted to never stop touching her. He wanted, he wanted, he wanted.

Fortunately, she took the decision out of his hands, turning in his arms and lifting her lips to meet his in a fierce, possessive kiss that left him breathless. He pulled her on top of him, wrapping his arms around her and rolling his hips up into her. She moaned against his lips, and it only fueled him on.

She clutched at his chest, dragging her nails through his chest hair. He growled, trailing his hands down to encircle her waist and push her hips against his arousal. Still kissing her, he nearly cried out when she started rocking against him.

When he finally tore his lips from hers, it was only to bury his face against where her neck and shoulders met, sucking a mark there. If he remembered correctly, she like that, a lot. She cried out against him, moving against him faster. God, if they kept this up, he was going to come in his pants, and he really didn’t want to deal with that mess.

He’d just trailed his hands down to the bare skin of her thighs when she slowed, reaching between them to palm him through the material of his pajama pants. He thrust into her hand, ready to do some more exploring of his own when Abby sighed his name, satisfaction in every syllable.

Maybe it was because it was the first thing they’d said to each other since getting in bed, but it froze Luka in his tracks. He stopped moving, pulled his hands from under her—his—shirt.

“Abby, wait. Hold on.”

She stopped, looking like a deer in the headlights, her face draining of color. She fumbled to the side and moved off him, scurrying to the side of the bed. Facing away from him, in a small voice, she said, “Sorry.”

"Hey, hey, hey—this is NOT me rejecting you, this is me wanting to do the right thing because I want you so much."

Slowly, she turned back to face him, though she remained a few feet away. She swallowed a sigh. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I...I care about you. And I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt you,” he said, reaching to take her hand.

She entwined their fingers and brought his hand to her lips. “I feel the same way. And you won’t.”

Luka moved closer to her. “I just...I was worried.”

“About what?”

“About Brian. He hit you, Abby, and I wouldn’t blame you for being frightened, or just not wanting a man to touch you for a while after that.”

“Luka, you’re not  _a_  man.”

He drew back, offended. “I beg your pardon?”

She laughed. “What I mean is that you’re not just any guy. I trust you, and I know you wouldn’t hurt me. Hell, I  _married_  you.” At that, she moved closer to him, tucking herself into his chest.

“Good,” he said, wrapping her in his arms.

“Besides, Luka...I know. I know Brian isn’t going to hurt me, because I know you beat him up and threatened him.”

He paused. “Uh…”

“Look, you don’t have to say anything, but I knew he was moving back in because my charges against him got dismissed because he got beat up pretty badly right after I was in the hospital. It wasn’t exactly hard to put together.”

“Do...do I need to apologize? He should be in jail.”

“He should, but I think he made some kind of deal. He’s a law student, so I wouldn’t be surprised if something weird was going on there. And no, I get it.”

“You do?”

“Um, yeah. If someone hurt you, I would want to hurt them. Just don’t start beating people up if they insult me, but we’re fine.”

Luka kissed her in response. “So...we’re completely fine? About everything?”

“Yep,” she said, kissing his cheek.

“Because, Abby—if—no, when we sleep together again, I don’t want it to just be an occasional thing to...scratch, or whatever the saying is. It’s real for me, and I won’t want to let you go.”

“I know,” she said, kissing him back. The mood may have died when he put a halt to their activities, but he was more than happy to resurrect it right then if that was what she wanted.

But then Abby yawned, a sheepish look on her face. “Please don’t hate me, but I’m kind of tired now. It’s not too, um, pathetic if we go to sleep now and continue this in the morning, is it?”

He smiled and brushed his lips across her forehead. “Not at all. Good night, Abby.”

“Good night, Luka.”

&&&

Luka woke up in the still-dark room, Abby in his arms snoring lightly, to the annoying beeping of his pager on the nightstand. He growled in frustration, ready to ignore it and go back to sleep, when his phone started ringing too. The hospital. He sighed, picking up after the third ring.

“Yes?”

To her credit, Kerry sounded apologetic. “I’m sorry, I know you haven’t been off that long, but—well, Mark isn’t coming back. He quit, so we need someone to work his shifts.”

“Shit. Can’t Susan cover this one?”

“I can’t reach her. Chen is on anyway. I’ll have to finesse the schedule soon now that I know that, but we need an attending for the day shift.

He rubbed his hands over his eyes. “Okay. Okay, fine, but I hope I’m getting paid overtime for this.”

“You will, I promise.”

They hung up, and he groaned as he got out of bed, staring wistfully at his beautiful wife, peacefully asleep in their bed.

&&&

Abby yawned before taking a peek at her reflection in the glass office wall. Their interview was at 8:30, and Luka was supposed to meet her here after an overnight. It felt like she’d barely seen him since Dr. Greene had left. She had taken for granted that they tended to be on a similar schedule most of the time. The past few days had had them working opposite shifts, and they had only seen each other asleep or in passing. Yesterday, she had only seen him at all because he’d come early just to make sure they could grab a cup of coffee together after her shift ended.

Taking a seat on the bench outside the INS office, she tapped her foot on the tile and checked the time. Luka needed to get there soon, or they’d be late. If his shift had run over, they could easily be in trouble. Nerves ran through her at the thought they could mess this up and the marriage, the wedding, would all be for naught. What would they do if he still had to leave?

“Hey,” his voice cut across her thoughts and she jumped a little.

“Hi. Rough shift?”

Luka collapsed onto the seat next to her and grunted in agreement as she took him in. He’d put on a new tie and combed his hair, but his exhaustion was evident in the circles under his eyes. How he could look so delicious while he was so out of it was a mystery she’d never solve.

He stretched his arm out behind her and Abby handed him his coffee from the side table.

“Mm, thank you. Is it time yet?”

He sipped and she put her coffee down to wrap her arm around his waist.

“We’ve got five minutes or so. The door’s locked. Are you okay?”

“Just tired. And I miss you.”

Abby leaned hard into his chest and squeezed him at that. Forces did seem to be conspiring against them. As soon as they got past the hurdles of Brian and admitting they both wanted each other, they were pushed apart. And oh, she wanted him, but now she was missing just being in the same vicinity as him.

“I miss you, too.” She felt him kiss the top of her head.

There was the scraping sound of metal against metal that alerted them to the door being unlocked. A middle-aged woman with a severe-looking bun poked her head out and gave them an appraising look as they straightened up at the interruption. “Mr. and Mrs. Kovack?”

“It’s Kovač,” Abby corrected before Luka had to.

“I’m Ms. Larson, and I’ll be interviewing you today. Please come with me.”

The serious woman led them to a tiny office. Despite the gravity of the situation, Abby couldn’t help but smile fondly as she watched her giant husband try to fold himself into the small vinyl armchair.

The agent cleared her throat and Abby looked up, feeling caught in her sharp gaze until Ms. Larson gave her a small smile.

“May I please see all your pertinent forms, documents and identification?”

“Oh, uh, yes,” Abby reached into the tote bag she’d brought and handed the folder to the agent, praying they hadn’t forgotten anything. She had expected to have more time for both of them to prepare for this together, but had to go by the list Luka had gotten from his lawyer. In the end, she’d added all the Croatian documents because she obviously couldn’t read them and hadn’t wanted to miss anything vital.

Luka and Abby sat there awkwardly for a few minutes, watching Ms. Larson methodically sort their papers. Finally, she got up and went to the door.

“Lauren, would you make copies of these?” She called, passing the papers to a 20-something assistant.

“Your documents and forms all appear to be in good order, so there’s just the matter of the marriage interview left.”

Abby snuck a nervous look at her husband, who simply smiled and gave her a wink in return. Her lips twitched and she couldn’t help but smile back. He was handsome enough when he was brooding, but happy Luka was impossible to resist.

She looked up as Ms. Larson’s assistant brought the copies in and handed them to her. Something must have shifted in the shrewd, no-nonsense woman. As she looked to the couple, Abby had noticed her eyes had softened.

“So first,” the agent began, “do you have any photos for me to look at, from your relationship or your wedding?”

The agent flicked through the pictures they handed her, asking questions about the identity of the guests at their wedding, details about the ceremony and reception, and so on. She also threw random unrelated questions at them, but fortunately Leo had warned Luka that would be the case. Color of the curtains in their bedroom, what kind of car did each of them drive, who took the trash out. However, the questions slowly turned more personal, and it made Abby’s insides quake.

“Tell me about your first kiss.”

Abby blushed, remembering how she’d let herself fantasize about him, not intending to actually do anything about it while she was a student, not expecting that he’d want her to afterward. Then talking to him outside, she’d felt so seen that she’d lost her self-control.

“Abby kissed me by accident.”

Ms. Larson raised her eyebrow at Abby.

“I had had a crush on him for a while and after a setback at work, he was just…encouraging and kind. So I kissed him without really realizing I was doing it.”

God, her face was on fire.

“And, Luka, tell me when you asked her on your first date?”

“Uh, she asked me actually. But I jumped on it as fast as I could.”

He really had, now that Abby thought about it, suggesting they go out right after that shift. Knowing more of his history with women now, Abby understood better why she had been the one making all the moves at first.

They gave her a straightforward history of their dating relationship, including their breakup. Both of them had considered leaving it out, but rejected the idea. It would have been too easy for them to find out a lie like that. Besides, plenty of couples went through off periods. Their marriage was real, more real than Abby had bargained on, and it kept growing more real with each passing day. They didn’t have to hide that. Even if there was a need to be a bit vague about some of the details.

“Okay,” Ms. Larson said, leveling them with a searching look. “Everything seems to be in order, except...the timing. I need to understand why a couple who had broken up would suddenly reunite and marry so quickly, considering that you, Luka, were in a situation where you’d have to leave the country. Can you explain that?”

God, they had known it would get asked, but damn. Abby’s hands were sweating, and she knew she had to speak, but her throat was suddenly bone dry.

Fortunately, Luka spoke up. “I know how it probably looks. But we…when we broke up, it was because we were both insecure. It was our first true fight, too, and it got out of hand. I regretted it immediately.”

As he looked at her in question, her throat loosened. “I did, too.”

“It was the first relationship for either of us after our first marriages, so there was that. There was a lot of stuff with family, with our pasts, god, even on our first date, we were attacked by a mugger. It was a lot and it put a strain on us.”

Abby jumped in, hating the haunted look that entered his eyes whenever that night was mentioned. She hated that their first date would always be tainted by that.

“I didn’t expect to be so serious about someone new, not that soon, but we were. It was…scary and I ran. But I missed him like crazy.”

She wished she could hold Luka’s hand, and no sooner had that thought crossed her mind than he grabbed hers.

“We grew closer as friends and were slowly finding our way back to each other. But then Abby got attacked by her neighbor and I—“

He broke off, closing his eyes for a moment as he squeezed her hand almost too tightly. “When she came into the ER like that, it made me realize how much I still cared about her. After all of that…we would have gotten back together, gotten married eventually anyway.”

Luka turned to her then, looking vulnerable and she smiled at him reassuringly. Abby hadn’t realized until the night they’d talked about it that the thing with Brian had scared him so much. She hoped that was true, that they’d have worked it out, but…to be honest, she wasn’t sure. And that scared the shit out of her.

Thankfully, she’d never know, but the thought made her shiver.

“Well,” the agent interrupted Abby’s reverie. “I can tell that you two do care about each other deeply. And you’ve certainly merged your lives together pretty seamlessly. I’m going to approve your application.”

The stress of that lifting affected Abby so strongly that it was hard not to slide straight out of her chair, but she tried to hold it together as much as possible. Luka could stay.  _Luka could stay_.

The rest of the meeting was a blur, but Ms. Larson basically reiterated what Leo had told Luka. Essentially, keep being a real married couple and don’t be surprised if they got a phone call now and then to double-check that they were still together.

Abby was practically giddy with relief as Luka grabbed her hand and drove her to County for her shift. After he parked, they looked at each other and laughed. She found it hard to stop, and he finally cupped her face to stare at her in concern as she played with his tie.

“Are you okay?”

Yanking him down by the tie, she kissed him, pouring all the warmth she felt into it: for what he had said, for being willing to agree to her insane plan, for just…being him.

She leaned over the console to reach up and run her fingers through his hair.

“Yes. You get to stay.”

He tipped his forehead down to meet hers. “I get to stay. With you.”

Abby was a few minutes late for her shift. It was worth it.


	8. Second Firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luka and Abby share a couple of first experiences as a married couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, in case you couldn't tell from the summary, this is where we start to earn the rating. If you would prefer to avoid non-graphic smut, you will want to skip the last section.

Luka hummed as he read the paper and tidied up from breakfast. He was already ready for work. Day shift, with Abby. She had left already to drop by the registrar’s office, to hand in her reapplication for med school. And they had two days off, together, after that. They just had to get through this shift, and finally, FINALLY, they could be together.

He’d been wanting and waiting for this so long, then what felt like an eternity since she’d let him know it was decided and…well, it was a good thing they actually had time off together. The list of things he wanted to do to Abby had grown until it was probably going to take the full two days. If anything else came between them again, he was going to whisk her away and to hell with County.

The dishes had just been washed and put away when the phone rang. Luka checked his watch before answering.

“Hello?”

“Luka! Hi, it’s Maggie. I was trying to reach Abby before she left, is she there?”

“Oh, no, she already left, and I…”

Luka’s heartbeat picked up and he winced a little at the awkwardness. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Maggie, it was just that he knew he and Abby weren’t on the same page about how to deal with her. He didn’t know Maggie much, apart from when she had been off her meds. And while as a doctor, he knew it was the illness…she made the decision to go off her meds and to put Abby in that position, to put her through the ringer like that. It was hard for Luka to forgive, even knowing that he should.

“Oh, well, I was just checking in anyway. Letting her know I’m okay, seeing how she’s doing. It is so horrible that her landlord cut off her lease like that. I wouldn’t think that was legal, but Abby said she didn’t want to pursue anything with a lawyer and I understand that, but I just think that…”

What was she talking about? Maybe Abby hadn’t told her about Brian? Which he supposed he could understand, maybe she hadn’t wanted to freak her out.

“And thank you, Luka, for taking her in, when she needed a place to stay. You’re such a kind man, and well, Abby would hate for me to say this. But I sure do hope that you two are able to work out your differences and get back together. I know you care about her so much, and she has missed you so…”

There was a buzzing in Luka’s ears. Abby hadn’t told her mother they were married. He…in her mind, he was a roommate, not even a boyfriend, and…was that what he was to Abby? No, he knew that wasn’t the case, but…why wouldn’t she tell her mother, then? He realized then that the chattering from the other end of the line had come to a halt. He cast wildly about for something to say.

“You’re welcome, but it’s no trouble to—I’d do anything for Abby. Um, but I do need to get going, I’m on in twenty minutes.”

“Okay, well, I’ll call back later then. Goodbye!”

Luka hung up the phone and stared at it for a long moment. His heart felt like a stone in his stomach. Considering all they had been through, he didn’t know how to make sense of it, but he couldn’t get past the dawning truth. He was in love with his wife, the woman he wanted to spend his life with. And she didn’t consider him to be more than a temporary husband, a friend in need, a warm, attractive body to pass the time with.

He stifled the urge to throw something that he’d just have to clean up later. At least he could head to work and maybe fix something that could actually be fixed. Trying to ignore the ache in his heart, he sighed, rubbed his hands through his hair, and went to work.

 

&&&

 

Abby tamped down the urge to whistle as she made her way down to the ER from the registrar’s office. She was going back to med school in a few months and...well, tonight was the night. She and Luka finally had a couple of days off together. And bless Dr. Weaver, because she’d even scheduled them to work the same shift now.

She smiled in anticipation as she greeted Frank at admit. He gave her a suspicious stare when she greeted him cheerfully, glancing down at her stomach. Sighing, Abby realized she couldn’t win there. Frank had made no secret of his theory that she was hiding a pregnancy, the real reason she and Luka had married in such a hurry.

She snorted. If only he knew how impossible that was.

And there was Luka in Exam 1, back towards her as he read a patient’s chart. She grinned, wishing they were alone so she could wrap her arms around him and steal a kiss or two. Or a little more.

Alas, there were patients. Well, at least they got to work together. “Need a hand, Dr. Kovač?” she asked, knowing she could get away with a little flirtation at least. “I see that Mrs...Mills has had her initial workup done, but do you need any repeats done?”

“No,” he replied shortly.

Huh, maybe the case was rougher than what the initial presentation seemed to be (it looked like the flu).

“Oh, okay.” Her brow furrowed when she looked up at him and found him frowning intensely at the chart. She hesitated, wondering if she should wait or just go ahead and see a few other patients. “Um, I got all the paperwork dropped off for med school, and they said everything looked good.”

If anything, his frown deepened. “Fine,” he said, turning then to the patient. “Anyway, Mrs. Mills, it looks like you have the flu. You should have come in for a shot a month ago, so now all we can do is give you fluids.”

Mrs. Mills raised an eyebrow from where she was lying on the bed, eyes flicking to Abby’s nametag and then to the name embroidered on Luka’s coat and then to their rings. Abby met her eyes, giving her an uncertain smile.

Abby reached out and placed her hand on Luka’s forearm. “I can go get those fluids, or…”

“Fine,” he gritted out, wrenching his arm away from her touch. Turning dramatically, he left the room without a further word.

With a sinking feeling in her stomach, Abby stared after him. Something was wrong, and she had no idea what.

“I’ve been married for 35 years, honey, I get it,” Mrs. Mills said.

She started, turning back to her and smiling weakly. “Yeah. Sorry about that. I’ll be right back with that IV for you, and we’ll get you all fixed up.”

 

&&&

 

This was hell. Luka had thought he was in hell before, being thwarted at having sex with his wife, but that was laughable in comparison. At least then, he’d felt so wanted, cared for, maybe even…

How could she act like everything was normal between them? Flirting in front of a patient, touching him…sure, he’d have enjoyed that yesterday. But now it was like she was pouring salt in an open wound.

It might not have been fair to spring his attitude on Abby without her knowing why, but she DID know that she hadn’t told Maggie about their marriage. Not even that, she had LIED about their marriage. She’d hidden it, like it was a shameful secret. Luka couldn’t pretend like everything was okay, not when he felt so hurt.

Luka did his best to focus on the work. It was hard, though. He couldn’t compartmentalize that well. Not when Abby had come in smiling at him, and certainly not now that she was throwing him searching, injured looks. Surviving the day was as much as he could do for now.

About two hours into their shift, she finally managed to corner him in lockup. She blocked the door as she looked at him in question. He stared at the shelves to avoid her gaze.

“Are you going to tell me why you’re acting like I kicked your puppy?”

That was probably some weird American term, but he didn’t care at the moment.

“I’m fine.”

Abby scoffed, and anger started to well up inside him. Their marriage wasn’t a joke. Not to him.

“Okay, well, you’ve got an awfully cold shoulder for someone who’s _fine_.”

Luka bit back a groan of frustration.

“I don’t want to do this here.”

“Okay, I get that, but when it’s making you so upset, and I have no idea what’s going on, I just think we should...we should talk about it.”

How could she just stand there, bringing up his pain, and expecting him to just open up…he hated feeling so exposed and vulnerable. But now he was pissed. Why couldn’t she just let it go? Why did she have to poke at his bruised heart like that?

“Okay, fine. Your mother called.”

He growled the words out. The stunned look on her face gave him an ugly jolt of victory.

“Uh, okay, is everything…?”

“Oh, she’s fine. You know, it’s nice and all that my _mother-in-law_ approves of me and is rooting for us to get back together, it’d just be nicer if my _wife_ bothered to let her know I’m her son-in-law.”

“Luka, I didn’t…it’s not like that, Maggie, she’s just…I didn’t want…”

He heard the tremor in her voice. Instead of making him feel vindicated, it just made him feel even more like shit.

“Luka, _please..._ ” Abby reached up to grab his shoulder, and he couldn’t help but jerk away. It hurt too much for her to touch him like this, like she was taking pity on him.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

It sounded like she was starting to cry, and dammit, he couldn’t do this. Not here. When he tried to move around her this time, she let him go.

 

&&&

 

The rest of the shift was miserable. After he’d squeezed past her out of the drug lockup, she’d found, to her horror, that she was crying. It had taken her a couple minutes, but she’d managed to get a hold of herself.

She had worked through lunch in a fog, unwilling to sit still. If she stopped moving, she’d start with the waterworks all over again, and she just couldn’t do that.

She needed to talk to Luka. She could explain—she wasn’t—it wasn’t what he thought. Maggie was just _a lot_ , and she hadn’t wanted to deal with that on top of everything else.

Luka avoided her through most of their shift, speaking to her only when it was required for patient care. She grew increasingly uncertain near the end—were they going to go home together? Would he let her explain?

She wanted a drink.

Luka turned to face her when she gasped, realizing what she’d just thought. She hadn’t craved a drink in ages, certainly not since she and Luka had talked things through over a month ago... Shit.

“You okay?” he asked cautiously.

“Yeah, just...can we talk after this?”

His shoulders slumped, and she wished she could take that look of weary defeat from him. She just wasn’t sure he’d let her. “Ah, yeah. Our shift is almost done, so maybe at home…?”

Their patient was looking between them, listening curiously. “Okay,” she agreed, knowing she sounded just as exhausted as he did and wanting privacy for what would undoubtedly be a not-entirely-pleasant conversation.

They nodded and made it through the rest of the day, finally clocking out a little before seven. Silently, they grabbed their things from their lockers, but Abby hesitated next to hers instead of following him toward the door.

Luka paused, facing her again. He looked wary and uncertain, but still asked, “Abby? Are you coming?”

Tugging at the lock of hair that fallen over her shoulder, she grimaced and shook her head. “Sorry, not right now.”

“Are...are you coming home at all?” The hurt and shock on his face were too much, and she rushed to reassure him.

“Oh god, Luka. Yes, of course I’m—I just think we need to have a chance to think through what we’re going to say. I’ve already hurt you, and I don’t want to say anything to make it worse.”

He snorted, and she couldn’t quite figure out what he was thinking.

“And...I need to talk to Janet and probably go to a meeting. But then I’ll come home, and we can talk. We _need_ to talk.”

That indecipherable look turned to concern. “I-Is everything alright?”

“It will be. Now go on ahead and drive home, I’ll take the L or grab a taxi when AA is over, okay?”

He sighed, then nodded and said quietly, “I’ll see you at home.”

She watched him walk away, then squared her shoulders and headed to the elevator up to OB.

Taking a deep, fortifying breath, Abby knocked on Janet’s office door.

Janet’s response was immediate. “Come in.”

She stepped through and waved awkwardly. “Hi. Thought about calling, but I figured I’d check to see if you were here first.”

“I wasn’t expecting you. But something’s obviously up—what can I do for you?”

“Luka and I had a fight.”

“Ah.” The monosyllabic answer was honestly kind of annoying with its knowing tone, but Abby pushed her irritation aside. That wasn’t why she was here, after all.

“It’s...it’s our first argument since we got married. And my first thought afterward was how much I wanted a drink.”

Janet tilted her head to one side, clucking sympathetically. “I know how that goes, believe me. Do you want to talk about it?”

Abby nodded. “And then maybe we could go to a meeting, if you’re free?”

“Of course. I was just working on some charts, but I can put those off. So what happened?”

She bit her lip, wondering where to start and how much she should say.

“I didn’t tell my mom that Luka and I got married, and he found out that I didn’t tell her.”

“Oh boy. How about we grab some dinner before we go to that meeting?”

She agreed, and they headed to Doc Magoo’s. Over burgers, Abby told Janet about their fight and why she hadn’t told her mother at any point in over a month. They went to the meeting at nine, and Abby _did_ feel better after sharing a little there and hearing from people struggling through the same things she was.

Janet smiled and place a hand on her shoulder as they waited for a cab. “You’ll be okay, Abby. Just talk to Luka and keep working the steps.”

“Thanks, Janet. I really mean it.”

“That’s why I’m here.”

 

&&&

 

Luka made himself eat some of the leftover Chinese takeout from the fridge and tried to zone out in front of the TV. After a couple of hours, though, he gave up hoping that Abby was coming home anytime soon.

If she was coming home at all.

He hoped she was okay. The thought of something happening to her was intolerable. No matter how angry and hurt he was.

Maybe she was going to leave. Give up the façade. Though even as that thought crossed his mind, it didn’t ring true. Marriage was Abby’s idea. She had seemed to throw herself into it, in fact, with a fervor that had shocked and delighted him.

So, what the hell?

Luka left a lamp on for her, on the off-chance that she came home. Giving up on salvaging the rest of this shitty day, he headed to bed to lie there in a fog of confusion and pain.

Unaware of how much time had passed, Luka heaved a sigh of relief when he heard the bolt unlock. Then, assured of Abby’s safety, he panicked. What if she was going to sleep on the couch? What if she was just here to pack a bag and tell him she was leaving? He rolled away from the door as he heard her soft footsteps on the stairs. If she was going to tell him she was gone, he couldn’t handle looking at her while she said it.

“Luka?” She whispered.

Feigning sleep was tempting. But he needed to know the answer to the question that had been plaguing him all day: why?

“Yeah,” he answered flatly.

She climbed onto the bed and inched toward him.

“Are you…can we talk?”

So they were doing this. Great. He finally rolled onto his back and risked a glance at her. There was no alcohol smell on her, and she looked physically okay, despite the red rims around her eyes. There was a traitorous pang in his chest as he took in how torn up she looked. His arms ached to reach for her.

“Are you okay?” The question rose to his lips without permission.

“I’m okay.”

“That…did you…?”

“I didn’t drink. I went to dinner with Janet, we talked, and then we went to a meeting.”

Relief washed over him. He might have driven her to tears, but at least he hadn’t driven her to the bottle. The silence grew between them. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Are you going to tell me what that was about?”

If there was pointed accusation in his tone, so be it.

Abby swallowed and tears came to her eyes.

“Luka, it’s not what you think. I didn’t…god, I feel so terrible even saying this.”

“Abby, what?”

It was killing him to wait for the point, with the fear of what she was going to say wrapped around his throat.

“I…I was afraid. I was afraid if I told Maggie that we had gotten married out of the blue, she would show up here. And we…her showing up always…I was afraid she’d mess everything up again.”

Luka sat up to look at her more closely. He was so lost.

“What do you mean?”

“Just…when we dated before, when she showed up, it always came between us. I’m not saying that’s her fault or your fault, I just…I get so crazy when she comes and I don’t handle it well. I hide from you and I fight with you, and…it’s the last thing we need right now.”

A sickening realization stole over Luka as he recognized that he had misread the entire situation. She hadn’t been ashamed or dismissive of their marriage, she’d been _protective_ of it.

Well, he felt like an ass. He couldn’t deny that it still stung, though.

Before he could find the words to apologize, Abby continued.

“It feels like we’re actually working this time. We’re talking, we understand each other better, and I…I’ve been so happy, Luka. I didn’t want anything to ruin that. And then I…in doing that, I hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

It was hard to swallow past the lump in his throat.

“It’s okay, Abby.”

“I know you told your dad a couple days after the wedding, and I know what you must have thought. I’m not ashamed of our marriage or of you, and it’s not—it matters to me.”

“It’s okay,” he repeated and this time, when she reached for his hand, he threaded their fingers together.

“I hurt you, though,” she choked out, her tears falling and causing his own to well up.

“You did. But it’s okay now. I forgive you.”

She choked back a sob and scooted closer. Her free hand stroked through his hair and then across his cheek. The wound in his heart healed over as they sat like that, drinking in the feel of each other and the relief that they were going to be alright.

Luka finally pulled back to look at Abby and caught her mid-yawn.

“Why don’t you get ready for bed?”

“Yeah.”

She nodded at him and moved to grab her pajamas from the dresser when a thought seized him.

“Uh, you are still going to sleep in here, right?”

The uncertainty was audible to his own ears and he stared down at the comforter as he waited.

“Yes, of course,” she answered. “I’ll just be a minute.”

A blush crept up his face and he sunk back down into the bed. That had been…a lot. He felt wrung out and raw. Vulnerability had never been fun for him, but he’d definitely had his weaknesses exposed. It felt like he had an emotional hangover.

True to her word, Abby was back in just a couple minutes, dressed for bed. She climbed in and turned the light out. She scooted toward him but he felt her hesitate.

“Roll over,” she told him.

“Huh? Why, I’m—“

“Just do it, Luka.”

“Okay,” he grumbled, rolling to face the window. Maybe she was still annoyed or embarrassed or…

He felt a small arm wrap around his waist as her body pressed against him from behind.

“Are you spooning me?” He laughed a little in surprise. “If anyone is the definition of the little spoon, Abby, it’s you.”

“Yeah, well, tonight, I’m the big spoon. You need this and I need to hold you. Shut up and take it.”

With a kiss to her hand, and the warmth of her wrapped around him, he did.

 

&&&

 

The sun was beginning to peek through the curtains when Abby woke up warm and happy, her arms still wrapped around Luka. Apparently, they’d both been in need of a solid night’s sleep, because neither had moved much.

She smiled at Luka’s light snoring, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades. She couldn’t help but squeeze her arm around him a little tighter, the surge of affection for him overwhelming her.

She had every intention of going back to sleep, but she just wanted a minute or two to...bask. Yesterday and last night had been exhausting, but now she felt so much lighter. It had been hard, but she knew they were stronger for having opened up a little more.

Luka stirred, so she stilled, wanting to let him catch up on his rest. It was to no avail, though, his hand coming up to caress her arm. “Abby?”

She melted at the rasping of his sleepy voice. “Yeah?”

“Are you awake?”

“I guess so,” she whispered, smiling against his back.

Then, suddenly, she was flat on _her_ back, Luka having flipped them over. He held himself above her, lips curved in a smile as he touched his forehead to hers. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” she answered breathlessly against his lips. For a brief, wild moment, she considered telling him she wanted to go brush her teeth, but then he was kissing her and sliding a knee between her legs and she forgot everything but the feel of him.  

He lowered himself over her, sinking into their kiss. She could feel him where their hips were flush against each other, hard and thick even through the layers of their pajamas.

She slid her hands under his shirt, wanting to feel the warmth of his skin against hers.

Clearly he agreed, because he pulled back and lifted his shirt over his head, tossing it somewhere on the floor.

His pupils were blown wide, clouded with lust as he looked down at her, and she could feel a blush starting on her cheeks. He grinned. “Unless you have any issues with it, I was thinking we could take your shirt off too.”

The only thing she had an issue with at this point was her shirt, so it could go. Wordlessly, she slipped out of it, pulling him back on top of her.

Abby moaned against his lips when he rolled his hips into hers, one of his hands slipping between them to cup one breast and then the other. “Luka…”

He stilled, sounding ragged and wrecked as he pulled back. “Is this okay?”

“Don’t stop.”

Nodding, he dragged his lips across her jawline until he found that spot just below her ear and starting to suck a mark there. Her breath hitched when she felt his hand sliding lower, then under the waistband of her cotton pajama pants. He let out a sound of triumph when he worked his hand between her thighs, finding her wet and ready.

“God, Abby, I’ve missed you. You feel so good.”

She loved the feel of his hands on her, in her, but it wasn’t enough right now, not after all this time.

Pushing him off her, she brushed her lips across his to soothe the momentary wounded expression...that disappeared entirely when Luka saw she was just trying to shimmy off her pants.

She watched with delight as he stood, hurrying to pull off his own pajama pants. God, she wanted him. And now. “Come back here.”

He obeyed, climbing into the bed, once again holding himself above her. “Are you sure?” His voice was a low purr, his hunger for her evident in every word.

“Yes,” she said with a shudder, before he was on her again. He groaned against her lips, taking himself in hand to guide himself inside her.

Abby arched against him, gasping as she adjusted to the feel of him after so long. He reached for her hands, intertwining their fingers as he started to move.

He set a quick pace, and she was glad of it. She was close, so close, and she wanted them to do this together. It didn’t take long for her to be swept over the edge, and she cried out his name as she came. He thrust into her a few more times, then stiffened as he emptied himself inside her, whispering who knew what in Croatian.

She wrapped her arms around him as he collapsed onto her, both of them breathing heavily. They lay there together, holding each other for a few long moments, until Luka finally pushed himself to one side.

Wrapping his arm around her waist and kissing her forehead, he huffed a laugh.

Abby raised an eyebrow at him in question.

“I imagined our first time making love again would be...sweeter and more tender. And last longer,” he said with a rueful grin.

She giggled and kissed his cheek. “Luka, we’ve had like...over a month of foreplay. There was no way that was going to last that long.”

“So you weren’t disappointed.”

“Do I _seem_ disappointed to you?” she said, smiling at her husband.

His eyes softened. “I just want to make you happy.”

“You do, I promise.”

He nipped at her collar bone before dragging his nose down between her breasts. “And give me a little bit more time, and I’ll try to make you happy again.”

She couldn’t help it; she full on belly-laughed at that. “Okay, no complaints here. But we _do_ have two whole days, and we can afford a nap before we go again.”

“Like two days is enough for me—for us—to do all I have in mind,” he said with a scoff and a grin.

Abby bit her lip, suddenly shy. “Well, what about the rest of our lives?”

He stopped and stared at her, eyes tender and voice thick as he replied, “That works for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed!


	9. A Letter and Consolation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luka and Abby continue to enjoy each other, sometimes in ill-advised places at ill-advised times. The ER receives a letter and they mourn as a group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next installment!
> 
> If you are avoiding sexy times, feel free to skip to the second section.

Luka couldn’t help but smile as he made his way into the ER. He and Abby had slightly staggered shifts today, so she was already there, and he couldn’t wait to see her.

It had been about a month since they’d found their way back together. To bed, that is. Well, beds, couches, counters, and on one memorable occasion, an office printer at work. He was almost used to the eye-rolling from their coworkers at this point.

He and Abby had even met their neighbors, who were less than enthusiastic about how loud living next to them had gotten. That had been a little embarrassing, but he’d since had someone come by and improve the insulation, which had helped (so had the apology cookies he’d given them).

It should have gotten easier to bear, the heat between them, but it was as if indulging it had just made their hunger for each other stronger. Not that Luka had any complaints—nor did Abby, it seemed—but it might have made it simpler to do things, like, oh, work.

“Morning, Jerry, Frank,” he greeted them after clocking in. Frank just made an annoyed sound, and even Jerry shook his head as Luka walked past.

And there was Abby coming out of trauma two. Even though she was a mess, she lit up when she saw him.

He grinned back at her, resisting the urge to kiss her passionately in the middle of the hall. “Are you done in there?”

“Yeah, it was an MVA, but we got the guy stabilized and Romano took him up to surgery.”

“Want to help me out with my next case? I think it’s just a simple fracture.”

“...do you need my help?” Her mouth was twitching as she tried to hide a laugh.

Helping her untie the used smock (if he took the opportunity to slightly and subtly grope her, so be it) and throwing it away, he shrugged. “Well, you never know. Maybe it’s more serious and I just won’t be able to see it.”

“See, to me it sounds like you’re just flirting and trying to seduce a poor, innocent nurse.”

“Maybe I am, but do you have anything else urgent?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll go with you.”

It did indeed look like a simple, straightforward break. They took the patient up to radiology. Certainly, both of them didn’t need to go, but the way Abby gasped when he surreptitiously ran his hand under her scrub top as he passed by her might have played a role in convincing her to “help.”

Once the patient was in with the radiology tech, Abby said she was going to get a few things from the supply closet while they waited, giving him a long look. Luka quickly offered to help. The tech rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath, but waved them away. “Just be back in like half an hour for the patient, okay? I’ll send the films down.”

He didn’t care, just hurried after his wife, following her into the supply room.

She was facing the door when he came in, and she wasted no time in flinging herself into his arms.

Meeting her lips with a quiet groan, he reached down to lift her up into his arms. He walked them back up against the counter, her legs wrapped around his hips.

“You sure this is a good idea?” she asked when they pulled back for a breath.

He cupped her jaw and lifted her lips to his in an all-consuming kiss. “I am,” he said.

Abby didn’t waste time disagreeing, reaching for him and fumbling with his belt. He tugged at her scrub pants, pulling them off as quickly as he could and bringing her to the edge of the countertop.

She succeeded in getting him free, and he moaned into their kiss as she wrapped her hand around him, stroking him until he was fully hard.

Luka stepped between her legs and thrust into her without much preamble. He felt the familiar thrill of satisfaction at how Abby clutched at him, biting down on her lip to keep from crying out. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, wordlessly encouraging him to move.

He set a quick pace, knowing that as thrilling as the semi-public location was, every minute they continued they risked getting caught. He reached between them, trying to help Abby along. It didn’t take her much longer before she was gasping his name, pushing him over the edge after her.

With a sigh of regret, he pulled back from her after a minute or two, and they hurried to clean themselves up. When Abby reached for the door to head back out, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him, giving her a lingering kiss.

He finally slipped out into the hallway when Abby yelped in surprise. Rushing out to see what had startled her, he started heading toward the elevator. Then he heard the distinct sound of someone clearing their throat, and Luka turned to face a very disapproving Susan, standing with her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.

He could feel his entire body turning red. “I was, ah, I was grabbing something from storage.”

“I don’t want to know what the ‘something’ of Abby’s was. Anyway, one of your patients needs you, and the films are ready for your radial fracture.”

“Okay...I’ll...I’ll just go see to that.”

Susan sighed. “First, I’d make sure your shirt is buttoned properly, okay?”

He looked down. Sure enough, his buttons were askew.

“Just...no more...boffing at work, _please._ ”

Luka nodded and fled as quickly as he could.

 

&&&

 

Abby was tending to a patient in sutures when she felt Luka slide behind her, his hand slipping down to give her hip a squeeze. She gave him what she hoped was a quelling look, but probably wasn’t. She couldn’t get enough of his hands and his answering smolder said he knew it. He apparently hadn’t gotten her into enough trouble today already.

Ugh, he shouldn’t be so attractive when he was smug. But dammit, he WAS, and he had REASON to be.

Still, there were protocols they ought to be observing at work. Silly ones, such as, oh,  _don’t have sex in the ER_ , and also, probably, _don’t flirt and fondle each other in front of patients._

Abby was only a woman. One with a very handsome husband who enjoyed enticing her into breaking the rules. Repeatedly.

Luka efficiently checked the wound and asked for the suture kit, which Abby had at the ready. Haleh poked her head in to let her know she needed to change the IV on her diabetic patient.

“You good here?” She checked with Luka.

“I’ll miss you, but I’ve got this.”

She rolled her eyes at him as she ignored his grin and aimed to be stern with her reply.

“Behave, Dr. Kovač.”

He stared back at her with his eyes practically twinkling. Was he seriously turned on right now? Their earlier rendezvous was only a couple hours ago.

Abby watched him in disbelief before shaking her head and turning to go. On the way out, she heard the patient.

“So I guess that stuff about nurses and doctors is true, huh?”

Luka laughed at the older man in response.

“Well, in this case anyway. She’s my wife.”

The pride in his voice nearly made her turn around to kiss him.

 

&&&

 

A few hours later, Abby was standing at admit, listening to Carter read Dr. Greene’s letter. He sounded remarkably upbeat, considering. That was the power of getting away from County and sitting on a beach, she guessed. Or, more likely, he was doing it for their sakes, focusing on the positive. That sounded like something he would do.

Luka came over then, coffee mug in hand.

“What’s going on?” He bent toward her ear.

“It’s from Dr. Greene.”

Damn, the man was on the beach in Hawaii and longing for a trauma. “The day I start fantasizing about critical procedures is the day I leave, too.”

What followed sounded like a goodbye to all of them, and Abby guessed it was. She shifted so she could lean back against Luka. He slid a comforting hand onto her shoulder.

Carter stopped reading and Luka urged him to continue. “Go on.”

There wasn’t much left, just an endnote about his daughters finding a shell. Feeling a need to lighten the mood, Abby joked with Haleh about macadamia nuts. After a moment, she felt Luka tense, so she jerked up her head to look at him and followed his gaze to Carter. Oh god. She knew what he was going to say.

“What?” Susan knew, too, Abby could hear it in her voice, how her question wasn’t really a question.

Carter could hardly get the words out. No matter how weird things had been between them, she ached for her friend.

“This next part’s from Dr. Corday… ‘Mark died this morning.’”

 

&&&

 

The rest of the day was rough.

As much as Abby respected Dr. Greene and appreciated how gentle he was with patients and his coworkers, she hadn’t expected to feel personal loss when he died. But she did. Luka did too, she could feel it in how he gripped her briefly after they heard, could see it in the dark look in his eyes.

It wasn’t their tragedy, though, not really. So Abby tucked away her own shock and hurt over it and tried to comfort the ones who had known him longer and better.

After Carter faltered in the trauma with the dad from an MVA, she gave him a long look and followed him to the vending machines. He was moving forward, trying to get through the day, but his eyes showed how wrecked he really was.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. No. I…”

Abby tried to find the words to help him. They’d kept their distance when possible, ever since he’d found out about her marriage to Luka. Not out of guilt, but that day had made it clear that Carter had still had feelings for her. She could at least give him the space to get over it. Plus, he had really pissed her off.

None of that mattered at the moment.

“If you want to talk…”

“I can’t…not right now.” He closed his eyes. “Not...not because of you...I just need to put my head down to get through the rest of today.”

“Okay, you know where to find me.”

He nodded and started back toward admit.

Abby turned to see Luka coming toward her as she grabbed her soda.

“Is he okay?”

She looked up at him and gave a weak attempt at a smile.

“I don’t think anybody is today.”

“Yeah.”

He looked like he was going to say more, as he worked his jaw, but he thought better of it and put his arms around her instead. She buried her face in his chest and breathed deep, focusing on the smell of him and the warmth, his heartbeat thumping beneath her ear. A small shudder went through him before he relaxed, sighed and kissed her head, running his hand down her back.

“Susan wants to go out for drinks after work. What do you think?”

Luka pulled back to eye her carefully. “Will that be okay for you?”

Abby wanted to scoff and say of course, but made herself stop and consider.

“I think so. As long as you come too. I know you have to stay a little later, but I’ll be alright for a little while. I think...I think she really needs someone to be there tonight.”

He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear before answering.

“Okay, if you’re sure, I’d like to go. And we can leave whenever you need to, even if it’s as soon as I get there.”

The trust in his eyes loosened something inside her.

“Thanks, Luka. I don’t really want to go home by myself tonight either.”

Luka gave her another gentle squeeze before taking her by the hand and walking back toward admit. Carter was there, in front of the board, and she caught him looking at them. He looked away, his expression inscrutable.

“Let me know before you leave?”

“Yeah.”

She looked back to her husband and swiped her thumb across the back of his hand before letting go. Before she left, she would make a quick trip to OB to let Janet know her plans for the evening.

 

&&&

 

Abby and Susan had a quiet L ride and stroll to the Lava Lounge. It was an, um, interesting location for a wake. The tiki bar atmosphere made Abby feel even more depressed.

She wanted Luka. Taking a deep breath, she refocused on Susan. The others were supposed to trickle in soon, but it was just the two of them for the moment.

“I feel like asking how you’re doing is really stupid, so I’m just going to say you can talk to me instead. If you want to.”

Susan nodded and sipped at her enormous tropical drink.

“God, this sucks.”

“Yeah,” Abby agreed, swirling the straw of her club soda with lime.

She thought back to the sexual harassment seminar, and Carter’s insistence on Susan and Dr. Greene having feelings for each other. Susan had seemed genuine in her denial, and Abby hoped for her sake that she was. They must have been on the same wavelength because Susan started talking about it.

“Mark and I. We, uh, we never went out. That was true. But we did have feelings for each other, before. Neither of us said anything until I was leaving. I always kind of thought of him as the one that got away.”

“Wow, that...that sucks.”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m not still there. I fell in love with Dix, he fell in love with Elizabeth, and we both moved on. I just figured some things happen for a reason. But part of me can’t help but wonder what might have been different if we hadn’t. Or if nothing would have, and I’d be the widow trying to raise a baby and stepdaughter by myself.” Susan shuddered and took a big gulp.

Abby hadn’t been able to think of Corday all day without pain. She couldn’t help but imagine how hard this must be, especially with their separation. For a split second, she imagined losing Luka like that. She could barely breathe at the thought. How much worse the reality of it would be.

Luka. God. He’d gone through that, and so much worse. At least Corday still had Ella, still had her to love and care for. Damn, she needed to hold her husband.

Looking to her new friend, she tried to picture things from her perspective. If she and Luka hadn’t reconciled, and then he’d died...he would never have known she _did_ care for him, she’d never have known he cared for _her._ What would she have needed to hear?

“I don’t know that I really believe in meant to be. But I do know that Dr. Greene and Corday loved each other. I know you were a good friend to him, and I am sure that meant a lot.”

“Yeah,” Susan answered hoarsely, wiping her eyes.

“I’m sure there’s someone out there for you. You’re a good friend, you’re great with kids, you’re a great doctor, you’re pretty—you will find someone. It just wasn’t him.”

“Part of me feels...relieved that it wasn’t. You know? It hurts like hell just to lose my friend.”

“Yeah,” Abby whispered back.

Her own eyes watered as she watched Susan try to get herself back under control. It took a couple minutes of wiping her eyes with a napkin, taking deep breaths, and a gulp of her drink before she turned to Abby with a weak smile.

“Okay, enough of that for now. So, really, you don’t believe in fate or meant to be? Despite your newlywed, _clearly_ cannot keep your hands or anything else to yourself phase?”

Abby flushed bright red. Had it really only been that morning that Susan had caught her and Luka trying to sneak out of radiology, obviously post-coital? It felt like a week ago.

“Uh...yeah...sorry about...that.”

Susan laughed a little. “I wish I could say you were the first, but at least I didn’t actually catch you in the act. Just make sure you’re always far away from the emergency call button. That’s how we caught Mark and Jennifer.”

Wow. Alright then. “Did that really happen?”

“Yep, we rushed in with the defibrillator and everything.” Susan laughed at the memory.

“That would be…” Abby couldn’t imagine living that down. They had to knock it off, or it was bound to happen. If it had been someone else who caught them, like Dr. Weaver, they probably wouldn’t still have jobs.

“Hey, I get it. I just can’t believe I never saw how much chemistry you two have before. It’s hard enough to work near you two sometimes, I’m sure it’s hard to hold back.”

Ha. If she only knew how many times Abby _had_ held back.

“Yeah, it’s just...I think it would be easier if I did believe in fate. Because I still feel scared sometimes at how close we came to losing that.”

The vulnerability was uncomfortable, even though Susan had been just as open. She joked, trying to get back to safer ground.

“Plus, Luka’s really hot, so…I don’t know, can you blame me?”

Susan giggled at that and then burst into laughter as Abby joined her. It hadn’t been that funny, and the laughter was a bit hysterical, but it was a relief to release some of that tension.

“What’s this about?” In the commotion, Abby had missed Luka, Gallant and Haleh’s approach. She sighed and placed her hand on top of the one he laid on her shoulder, and she immediately felt grounded.

“Your sexual prowess,” Susan responded then cackled. Abby giggled at Luka’s horrified look and shook her head at him in answer.

The others sat down and Susan pulled herself together. Gallant went to grab drinks and Abby looked at Luka in question as he asked for a Coke. He merely winked in response and turned back to the conversation.

He didn’t have to do that, and she’d remind him later, but it was nice that he cared that much.

They all talked. Kerry and Sandy showed up, too. The others shared some memories, and they did some toasting. It was nice, but the melancholy started hitting Abby hard. She wasn’t exactly craving a drink, but she was becoming more and more aware of how easy it would be. With the day, the reminder that anything terrible could happen at anytime, to anyone, it would be so easy to slip. But Abby just wanted to go home and have Luka hold her. She settled for laying her head on his shoulder.

“You alright?”

Her half-hearted smile didn’t fool him. He turned to the others.

“I guess we’ll see you all at work. We’re going to head home. Been a long day.”

They said their goodbyes and Abby stopped to share a sad smile with Susan. “If you need anything…”

“Thanks, Abby. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Luka wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she snuggled into him even as they walked toward the door side-by-side.

“Do you need to stop anywhere or call Janet or anything?”

She looked up at his earnest, eager-to-help face. There wasn’t a single trace of judgment there, and she wanted to kiss him for it.

“I just need you.”

Luka startled and looked down at her with a cocked eyebrow.

“Not like that, perv.” She smacked his arm, laughing. “I want to go home and crawl into bed and be held. Can we do that?”

He hummed in response and kissed her head.

“Absolutely.”

 

&&&

 

They nearly ran into Carter in the alley. He was heading in to the Lava Lounge, hands tucked into his pockets, lost in thought.

Luka narrowly avoided a collision, reaching out to grasp Carter’s shoulder. “Sorry.”

“Oh...no, I’m sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

He glanced over and saw Abby smile sadly at Carter. “It’s okay.”

The three of them stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to say. Finally, Carter cleared his throat and broke the silence. “So...you two headed out?”

Abby nodded. “Yeah, it’s—well, it’s been a long day, and people are starting to drink, so we’re out, but pretty much everyone else is still inside, and they’d love to see you.”

“Haleh and Kerry both asked after you,” Luka said, squeezing Abby’s arm. God, he loved her. Loved how supportive she was, even when she was hurting too.

“Okay, thanks. Well, you two have a good evening.”

They told him good night and were continuing on their way when Carter called out, “Luka, wait.”

He looked over at Abby quizzically, and she shrugged in response. He patted her on the shoulder and turned back to face Carter.

Carter took a deep breath. “I—I know it’s belated and I should have said it sooner, but...congratulations. You two seem happy together.”

Huh. There was nothing like a reminder of the fleeting nature of life to bring things into perspective, Luka supposed. He stuck out his hand to Carter, who shook it with a brief smile. “Thanks. And...take care of yourself, yeah?”

“Will do. Thanks again.”

Carter made his way inside, and Luka hurried to catch up with Abby.

“What was that about?”

“He just...well, he said congratulations to us. I think it’s been a hard time for him.”

“A little late,” she said with a snort.

“Better late than never, eh?”

She beamed up at him and stood on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Yeah, that’s true.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	10. Near Death at a Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's funeral brings sadness to our couple, as well as some old friends to churn up insecurities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're baaaack!
> 
> Just as a disclaimer: We like Carol, we do. One of the things we love about ER, though, is that even the characters we love the most are very human, and thus allowed to have very human faults. Some of Carol's faults are on display here, but it doesn't mean we don't love her, so please keep that in mind as you read!

Abby leaned back into Luka, his hand at the small of her back grounding and comforting her. Mark’s funeral was...harder than she expected.

She and Mark hadn’t been close, but she hadn’t been lying—she looked up to him and saw a lot of the traits she wanted to have as a doctor.

And it was awful seeing how broken and devastated Dr. Corday was.

Corday was so strong and capable, one of the most gifted and empathetic surgeons Abby knew. Yet here she was, crippled by loss, held together only by the need to do so for her daughter and step-daughter.

Abby shivered, glad that Luka was a warm and solid presence at her back. Glancing up at him, she met his questioning eyes. She shrugged at him and turned back to face the funerary proceedings, trying to hold in a smile when she felt Luka kiss the top of her head.

Near the end of the funeral, she felt Luka stiffen next to her, but she couldn’t tell what he was looking at. (The perils of being short, she thought with a sigh.) Hopefully, everything was going smoothly as possible, for all their sakes.

Afterwards, they piled into cars and headed to the reception/wake. She noted with some relief that it wasn’t at a bar, though there would undoubtedly be plenty of alcohol flowing. Fortunately, she had Luka beside her to help keep her accountable. Reaching across the center console, she rested her hand on his thigh and squeezed lightly, hoping she could wordlessly convey the depth of her gratitude and affection.

He smiled at her and took her hand, twining their fingers together. “It was a good service.”

“It was. And Elizabeth seems...well, she seems okay, under the circumstances.”

“It’s hard. But it’s good she has Ella and even Rachel.” His reply was quiet, matter-of-fact, and her heart broke for him. He knew the pain Elizabeth was in, and his loss had been compounded by losing his children at the same time.

Pulling his hand to her lips, she pressed them to his knuckles. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. And I had my parents there for me. It seemed...I don’t know, I hardly remember the day of the funeral, but I’m glad they were there to see me through.”

“I am too, you know.”

Arriving at the restaurant, Luka helped Abby out of the car. She wrapped her arms around his waist in a quick hug before they headed in. “Ready?”

“If you are,” he said with a nod.

They walked in hand-in-hand. They had just made their way to the refreshment table when Abby heard a soft and familiar voice call out, “Luka!”

Carol. Carol Hathaway, Luka’s first crush at County, here in the flesh. It hadn’t escaped Abby’s notice that Luka hadn’t started showing interest in her until after Carol was gone. So now she stood, frozen in place as Luka lit up, beaming at his former maybe-flame.

He let go of her hand to go hug Carol, and she continued to stand there, rooted to the floor.

“I saw you at the funeral, but I’m glad we have a chance to say hello here,” Luka said. Ah, that explained his moment of distraction. “Are the girls with you, or…?”

“We left them with my mom, actually. And it’s too bad it had to be such a sad thing bringing us back out here, but I’d love for you to meet Doug. If you’re okay with that.”

Luka nodded, smiling at Carol before blindly reaching behind him. “Oh! And you were right, you know. About me finding someone. Ah, you already know her, but Abby Lockhart? She and I are married now.”

Abby peeked around from behind him, coming to stand beside him.

She wasn’t sure whether to be pleased or insulted by the way Carol’s eyes widened in shock. It definitely veered more toward insult when Carol’s mouth tightened and she raised an eyebrow at Abby.

“Congratulations,” she said, falsely cheerful. “Oh, here comes Doug. Doug!” she called out to him. A smiling man of average height with salt-and-pepper hair made his way over to them.

Huh, so this was the (in)famous Doug Ross, former heartthrob and heartbreaker of County. Abby supposed he was good-looking, but she was unimpressed when she compared him to Luka. Still, she pasted a smile on her face.

Glancing up at Luka, she sighed internally when she saw the mildly contemptuous sneer hidden behind the polite mask. God, she hoped he wouldn’t be a complete idiot.

Carol softened as she looked at Doug and took his arm, and Abby let her guard down a fraction of an inch at the sight. “Doug, come meet my friend Luka and his wife, Abby.”

Oh, lovely. Being introduced as a friend’s spouse and not one in her own right, or even as the person who had delivered their children.

Doug shook Abby’s hand first. “Nice to meet you. Your name rings a bell—were you at County back in ‘98 and ‘99?”

“Nice to meet you too. And um, kind of? I took shifts up in OB as a nurse while I was in med school. That’s actually how I met Carol.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, I actually helped deliver Tess and Kate—how are they, by the way?”

Paternal pride exuded from him at that. “They’re great. I can’t believe they’re going to be three this year.”

“That’s crazy,” Abby agreed. Turning to Carol, she asked, “How are you liking Seattle?”

“It’s nice. The people are decent, and I gotta say, the weather has Chicago beat,” she said.

Luka grinned. “But what about the food? There’s not pizza like here.”

“Okay, so no good pies, but the rest of the food probably wins, especially the seafood.”

“That makes sense. I’m looking forward to taking Abby to Croatia in a couple months, the seafood there is amazing.”

“If it’s like most of the dishes you make, it’ll be great,” Abby said, smiling at her husband.

Carol looked between them, smile growing forced. “So...how did you two happen? It’s been, what two years? You were still married last time I saw you, Abby.”

“Well, like I mentioned a few times, it was nearly done. I was in the process of getting a divorce.” She had a growing suspicion all of the sudden that latter nugget of information hadn’t been shared with Luka.

Doug picked up his drink from the table and took a long sip.

“And I found out she was single about a month or so after it was over, right?” Luka asked.

“Yep.” Normally, she’d love to elaborate—their story was _cute_ , dammit—but she was starting to get the feeling that no matter what she said, Carol wouldn’t be thrilled.

Luka, however, had no such reservations. “She had to quit med school, and when she was back as a nurse, I still let her place a chest tube, and Kerry was very unhappy about it. We were in the ambulance bay when she kissed me out of nowhere.”

“You were being so sweet and encouraging, I couldn’t help it,” she said, smiling in spite of herself.

“I remember how kind Luka can be. He’s lucky half the hospital hasn’t kissed him for it at this rate,” said Carol.

Abby gritted her teeth.

“Then we were in lockup a couple days later, and she asked me out,” Luka continued, oblivious.

“Oh, _she_ asked _you_ ,” Carol said in a knowing tone.

Jesus. Did the woman think she’d drugged and kidnapped Luka? She couldn’t help her snappish response. “To which he said yes very quickly. _He_ suggested that same evening, in fact.”

Doug finished his drink.

“Well, it must have moved quickly from there.”

Abby and Luka exchanged a look, not sure what they could share. Abby decided to bite the bullet. “We dated for about a year before breaking up, actually.”

In spite of herself, Carol looked intrigued. “Oh? But you two obviously got back together?”

Luka smiled. “It was a while apart, but yes. I went back to Bosnia and Croatia for a couple months, and we missed each other like crazy.”

“He got back and we just...connected again.”

“Marriage seems a bit extreme though, even if you missed each other,” said Carol.

Luka shrugged. “When you know, you know,” he said, looking down at Abby, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips.

Abby softened, the tension coiling in her back releasing a little. At least until Carol spoke again. “Well, that’s sweet. Unless congratulations are in order and you just haven’t said yet,” she replied, gesturing to Abby’s obviously non-alcoholic beverage.

It was a wonder her glass didn’t shatter with how tightly Abby gripped it. She didn’t want to talk about this, especially when children were such a sensitive subject for Luka. They hadn’t had a chance to discuss it yet, and she had mixed feelings about how it would be received, especially given that she needed to tell him she’d had an abortion before, at least if they ever broached the topic.

But rolling her eyes, Abby shot back, “This isn’t the 19th century. As you’re well aware. Even if I were knocked up—which I’m not, though you can join Frank’s club in doing a belly watch if you’re so inclined—we wouldn’t _have_ to get married. We did that because we wanted to.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it, and you look great,” Carol said, rushing to smooth things over.

“Thanks, I think. So. You two married yet?” Abby asked, gesturing between Carol and Doug.

Doug nearly choked on the mini quiche he was eating, and Carol turned a mottled red. Luka smirked and raised a challenging eyebrow at Doug.

“Uh, not yet. It hasn’t been high on our priority list,” Doug finally managed.

Luka wrapped an arm around Abby, and she let herself lean in toward him. “I highly recommend it,” he said.

Susan made her way over to them then, greeting Carol and Doug with hugs. After a couple minutes, she turned to Abby, “Hey, could I get your help in the bathroom? Jing-Mei has that, uh, issue again and you remembered how to handle it last time.”

Since Abby had no idea what Susan was talking about, it had to be about something else. Reluctantly, she agreed and followed Susan.

Once they were in the bathroom, she couldn’t rein in her exasperation, “What’s going on?”

“I was just trying to keep you from challenging Carol to duel. We’ve had enough of that this year.”

Abby snorted. “Oh, come on, I wasn’t going to take one of the salad forks and charge her or anything.”

“It just looked a little...tense,” Susan said tactfully.

“It was,” she replied, sighing. “I don’t know what the deal is. I know Carol and Luka kind of dated before he and I did, but nothing much happened between them before she went to go be with Doug. It just seems like she’s, I don’t know, trying to _protect_ him from me. He’s my _husband_ , for god’s sake.”

“How did you two get along back in the day?”

“Mostly fine. When she found out I was a med student and not ‘just’ a nurse, she got a little bent out of shape, but I thought it blew over. We weren’t close or anything, but I thought we were on decent terms.”

“Yeah, that’s not what decent terms looks like.”

“I’d kind of figured that out,” Abby said, softening the snark with a smile. Susan was a good friend to her and doesn’t deserve for Abby to take out her frustrations on her.

Susan chuckled, then asked, “So is Luka always that oblivious, or…?”

“Oh my god, he’s the worst. Would you believe he’s actually gotten better?”

“I don’t get what you see in him,” she said, pausing, “well, except for the classic good looks, kindness, and being incredibly in love with you.”

Abby flushed fire hydrant red. “Is he now?”

“Attractive and kind? Duh. And nauseatingly into you? That can’t be news to you. And I still need brain bleach after catching you two post-coital last week.”

Shaking her head, she asked, “So...am I freaking out over nothing?”

“I really don’t think you need to worry about Luka.”

“It’s just...I’ve seen some pictures of Danijela, Luka’s first wife. Carol has the same curly dark hair, they’re both more...uh, curvaceous than I am, and it’s hard not to wonder, you know?”

“Abby, has Luka even _mentioned_ Carol since she left?” Susan asked, exasperated.

“No…”

“I don’t know Luka very well, and I’m still getting to know you, but have you considered that maybe he’s not looking for a redux of his first wife? From what I can tell, he seems to like _you_. You’ve even said it, you’re best friends. Maybe his type changed, and it’s you.”

Abby wasn’t sure how to respond, or even think about it, for that matter. It was times like this where the secret of why they got married weighed on her. She wanted to confide in Susan, for god’s sake. “Huh.”

“Just some food for thought. So...once more unto the breach?”

“As long as Jing-Mei isn’t actually suffering from anything, sure.”

They headed back out, finding Luka, Carol, and Doug right around where they left them.

Luka smiled and reached out to wrap his arm around her shoulder when she got back to him, and Abby leaned in, hooking her arm around his waist. She relaxed at the familiar feel of him pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Maybe Susan was right; maybe this wasn’t a complete disaster.

Then he spoke. “I invited Doug and Carol over for dinner tomorrow night. We can do a nice double date, especially since we haven’t had a chance to celebrate you going back to med school in the next months.”

“You’re going back to med school?” Carol asked sharply, eyeing Abby with renewed suspicion.

 _Oh, screw this_ , she thought. “Yep, I sure am. Luka wants me to, so I figured I’d go along with it. Gotta be the good little wife, you know.”

Doug froze, Carol looked taken aback, and even Luka stilled.

Susan took a deep breath, and then blurted out, “Did you all hear that Carter and I dated? What a wild time.”

Doug and Carol just blinked at her, nonplussed, but then she dragged them away, telling them she couldn’t wait to tell them more, that they just had to find Carter.

Abby’s shoulders slumped. She was still angry, but now she had to face the music.

 

&&&

 

Luka was confused.

The funeral had been hard, even if he and Mark hadn’t been close. Seeing Rachel, the same age Jasna would be had she lived, always made his heart twist.

He’d been excited to see Carol at first, but it had been weird, to say the least. Doug wasn’t ever going to be in his good books, not after missing the birth of his children and most of their first year. Luka had been a little less than welcoming, but he hadn’t expected the real tension to be between Abby and Carol. That had come out of nowhere.

Abby was keyed up, though he wasn’t sure why exactly. Her brown eyes were snapping and throwing darts while her cheeks darkened and she looked _good_ like that, whatever the reason. It was distracting. He couldn’t focus on what they were saying.

She couldn’t possibly be jealous, could she?

God, he’d had feelings for Carol, sure, but looking back, it was more that she was his first friend in Chicago, the first person who he’d connected with since coming to America. Yeah, he’d been interested, and she’d had a slight interest in return, though it was clear where her heart had lain, and it was never with him. It had hurt at the time, but then Abby had happened. He hadn’t even thought of Carol since. Surely Abby knew that. If not, he’d take her home and thoroughly remind her _exactly_ where his interest was.

Luka was only half listening to Abby and Carol. He didn’t fully tune back in until Susan came up and dragged Abby off to help Jing-Mei with something, leaving him standing awkwardly with Carol and Doug.

“Well, that’s…interesting, Luka. I hope that your marriage is…everything that you wanted.”

Carol’s tone was odd, and he found himself wanting to prove to her how good he had it now. She’d been right that he’d needed someone who really loved him, and he was grateful she had done the right thing and left. Maybe Abby wasn’t 100% there yet, but he thought she was getting there. He couldn’t imagine his life without her. If Carol could only see them together in a more natural setting, she’d see.

The three of them traded a few questions about work, but finally Luka couldn’t help himself.

“How are the girls doing? They’re three now, right? Is Kate letting you sleep now? I remember what a hard time she gave you, that phase when she would only calm down for me.”

It was satisfying to see the amusement slide off Doug’s face at last. Abby would probably have told him not to start a pissing match, but he couldn’t help his disdain for this guy. He had left his _children._ He left Carol to take care of newborn twins on her own. Yeah, so Carol told him to go, but whatever. Luka would never do that, no matter what happened between him and Abby.

“They both sleep like champs now. At least, they save the screaming and running us ragged for the daylight hours.” Carol gave him a strained smile.

“Good, good.” He’d gotten that jab in and now he didn’t really know what else to say. The other two were shifting now, he’d poked at a wound, and he felt like a jerk instead of feeling vindicated. He looked around, hoping someone would come intervene. He’d even take Carter. Damn, no such luck. “So, uh…how long are you planning to be in Chicago?”

“We leave on Tuesday.”

“Would you, uh, like to come over for dinner on Sunday night? Abby and I would love to have you.” That might have been overstating it a bit, but he didn’t want to leave things like they were.

Doug’s smirk was back and he took a long swig of his drink before shrugging at Carol. Luka wished for some alcohol of his own for a second, but he didn’t dare. He didn’t want to make it harder on Abby.

“Uh, we…don’t have any plans, so…yes, I guess that works for us.”

They made plans for seven and Luka gave her their number to confirm the address later. Abby and Susan came back then and Luka smiled at her return. Whatever the issue had been, she seemed alright now, and he hugged her to his side.

Unfortunately, that was a brief reprieve.

 

&&&

 

They didn’t stay long after that, just long enough to make the rounds to give their condolences and greet all their coworkers. Abby softened enough during their brief exchange with Corday and Rachel that Luka thought she had calmed down. But when he put his hand on the small of her back, she scowled at him harshly enough to make him jerk his hand back.

What had he done?

An annoyed Abby would usually snipe at him or even confront him, but this time she was sitting rigid as a stone, staring determinedly out the window while waves of rage poured off her. He waited the whole ride for her to yell at him, to tell him what the problem was so he could fix it, but the only indication that she even knew he was there was how hard she was ignoring him.

Once they made it to their apartment, he shut and locked the door behind them and waited for the onslaught, but Abby headed straight upstairs without a backward glance. Luka took a fortifying breath and followed as she made a beeline for the bathroom and the medicine cabinet. He bounced on his feet as she took some pain pills and swallowed them with water from the sink.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

He wished he’d kept quiet when she turned to him with an incredulous glare.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Uh…no? You’re upset that I invited them over…”

Abby stormed off to the bedroom and he followed, hoping that was the right move. He was so lost.

“You seriously need me to spell out why? You’re really _that_ oblivious?”

At his shrug, she groaned in frustration.

“Carol was awful to me through that whole conversation. She acted like I’m beneath you or something, like I had to trick you into marrying me because there’s no other way that could ever happen. And I’m supposed to invite her into our home and…what?”

Luka cringed. He probably should have paid closer attention to that interaction.

“I…I didn’t see it that way. I knew she didn’t approve, and I thought if she saw us together at home, saw how we are together, she might change her mind.”

“Do you _need_ her approval?”

Shit, shit, shit.

“No, I don’t need it. She was just my first friend here, and I thought she’d be happy for me.” Apparently he was wrong there, and that sucked.

“She wasn’t really _just_ a friend, though, was she?”

Luka rocked back on his heels. She _was_ jealous. That was ridiculous, but also…kind of hot. He knew Abby had been insecure about Danijela, but he hadn’t realized she had possessive streak.

“She was cold the first time I met you in the ER, and I thought it was about me being a med student, but now…and then OF COURSE she told you I was married and left off the ‘soon to be divorced’ part of that.”

“Abby…” Okay, that was a little odd. “Maybe she forgot, maybe she was just mistaken?”

“Are you seriously making excuses for her right now, after how she acted today?”

“I don’t know, I guess I wasn’t paying enough attention. I saw there was tension, but your eyes got all bright and snappy, and that suit is…my mind wandered, okay? I didn’t hear everything.”

“You cannot be hitting on me right now, not after all of that and you making excuses for her treating me like shit and then inviting her to our home to do it more!”

Luka sighed and lowered himself to the bed, resigning himself to the argument. “I’m sorry! I saw it was weird and wanted to smooth it over.”

“Why does keeping the peace with her even matter when she isn’t part of our lives anymore?”

Okay, he had to know now.

“Is that what this is about—you’re jealous of Carol?”

As soon as it was out, he knew it was the wrong thing to say. Abby flinched and he could see the hurt momentarily, before anger took over her face again.

“No, I’m not jealous, do I have reason to be?”

He was pretty sure that meant he was right, even if that wasn’t helpful.

“No, I just thought—she and I weren’t even really together.”

“Well, that wasn’t your choice, was it?”

Okay, now he was getting pissed off, too. “No, it wasn’t. But I haven’t even thought about her in the last couple years.” Not since the first time Abby had kissed him, in fact, but he wasn’t clarifying that now.

“Okay, but you just…you don’t know what that feels like.”

“I don’t know what _what_ feels like?”

He was so lost. This was why he hated fighting, it was never about one thing, it spiraled, and he couldn’t control it.

“Being jealous.”

Huh? Was she serious?

“Wait, _what?_ You think I don’t…? What?”  But _he_ was the oblivious one? “Abby, what the hell did you think all the stuff with Carter was about?”

“I know you got annoyed because I listened to him instead of you, but…”

“Me being jealous was half the reason we broke up! And what did you think the fencing thing was about?”

“Okay, I guess I do know that NOW. I just..the first time we were together, I didn’t think you cared enough to be jealous.”

Did she still not get how he felt about her? Anyone who knew them knew he was head over heels. Hell, their neighbors, strangers, all knew. Everybody except for Carol, apparently, but worse, maybe Abby too.

It wasn’t the time for a love confession. He was still mad, and so was she, though her breathing had slowed and her shoulders slumped. But how did she not know?

“God, Abby, the reason I was only half listening is because I wanted to be with you so badly. How can you not know I want you?”

He had to show her. He spun her toward him by the elbow and she yanked on his tie until he bent down to kiss her roughly. The kiss snapped something between them, and they both turned their energy toward making out furiously instead of fighting. Luka pulled Abby’s hair clip loose and threaded his fingers through her hair, kissing every inch of her he could reach with his mouth as he worked the buttons of her jacket open. She pulled on his tie hard, and he was forced to duck for her to maneuver it over his head before she tossed it somewhere behind him, where it joined his jacket.

He growled at her top with the tiny straps, the kind that normally drove him crazy in a good way but at the moment was just another damn obstacle, before she huffed and pulled it off herself. As he fumbled with her pants—why did women’s pants have to have inside and outside buttons and hooks anyway?—she painstakingly undid each of his shirt buttons, one by one.

“Just rip them!” He bit out impatiently.

“No. I like this one.” She retorted back.

She was still angry. Well, so was he. But he refocused as he slipped her out of her pants and underwear, finally getting his hands on her bare skin as she got his shirt off and ran her nails up his chest.

It didn’t take long to get the last few articles of clothing off, but it still felt like an eternity to Luka. He mouthed at her breast and slipped his hand down to make sure she was ready, and she gripped his hair hard. She moaned and arched against him, and though everything seemed—and certainly _felt_ —right, he had the fleeting thought that perhaps sex wasn’t the healthiest option. But he wanted to get rid of everything in between them: Carol, the space, their clothes, even their own insecurities. So when Abby whined at him in frustration, he hitched her up against him before tossing her lightly on the bed and climbing over her. She wrapped her legs around him and he slid home.

Usually she was the talker in bed, but this time he was, chanting her name, trying to burn his love and longing for her into her skin and brain and heart. She felt so perfect against him and around him. God, she was everything to him, and he was doing his best to show her everyday but especially now. It wasn’t long before she gasped and shivered against him and he finished with a hard jerk and another cry of her name.

He collapsed onto the mattress before pulling her into his arms, hoping she wasn’t going to draw away. It seemed that both of their tempers had been burned out by their passion as she nestled into him and pressed a gentle kiss to his chest. Luka knew Abby’s temper might rekindle at any moment, though, and he searched for the words to repair their rift. It turned out that he didn’t need to.

“I’m sorry,” she sighed. “I know it’s not your fault that Carol was a jerk. It’s just...she was right, in a way.”

“If she thinks you’re not good for me, she was _not_ right, Abby. And I’m sorry she made you feel so bad.”

“No, I mean...I mean about how we got married. It wasn’t exactly traditional.”

Luka winced when he remembered thinking she was ashamed of it. “It wasn’t, but that doesn’t make it wrong or bad.”

“I know, but it does make me wonder…”

Wonder what? She couldn’t think he would marry just anyone. Instead of continuing, she stared at his chest.

“I wouldn’t have married you if it was just to stay here. You know that, right?”

When she didn’t respond, he bent his head and tipped her chin up with a light touch.

“Hey. I wouldn’t have,” he repeated firmly.

She blinked in acknowledgement, but he could see the questions still lingering in her eyes. Ah, to hell with waiting for the right time, she needed to know how he felt, even if it made his gut clench with the fear that she wasn’t there yet.

“Abby, I—“

The ring of the phone interrupted. Luka closed his eyes, torn between relief and annoyance.

“It’s okay, you can answer.” Abby got up and made her way to the bathroom as he watched. As the ringing continued, he threw on his boxer shorts. A hollow, let down feeling settled in his chest as he grabbed for the damn phone.

“Hello?” He answered with little grace, not caring if his tone was impolite.

“Hello? Luka?” It was Carol. Great.

“Uh, yeah.” He waited for her to confirm that she was coming over for the most ill-conceived double date in history.

After an uneasy pause, she spoke. “Doug just reminded me—I forgot with the funeral and all—we actually have plans with Peter and Cleo that night, so we won’t be able to come over for dinner.”

Thank GOD. Luka still kind of wished he could see Tess and Kate, make sure they were alright, and find out if Doug was actually a good father and partner to Carol, but none of that was worth making Abby feel like crap.

He couldn’t remember Benton and Cleo having any particular attachment to Carol. He’d also gotten the feeling there wasn’t a lot of love lost between the two men, either, but he was too grateful for the escape to mention it.

“Oh, that’s…” _fantastic! “..._ a shame. We’ll have to catch you next time.” He begged silently that there wouldn’t be a next time, or that it would look very different from this one.

“Yeah, and about earlier…” He really hoped she wasn’t going to rag on Abby, this time to him. One yelling match in a day was more than enough for him. “I’m sorry if I was a bit, um, surprised by you and Abby. It was an emotional day and it just caught me off guard.”

“Okay…”

“Haleh and Susan filled me in on some of the stuff I missed out on, and I’m really happy that you found someone who loves you, Luka.”

Well, finally. And oh, he hoped she was right.

“Thanks, Carol. I’m glad things are going well for you too, you and Doug and the girls.”

They quickly said goodbye and hung up, and though Luka was still a little annoyed at Carol, he felt relieved to part on decent terms. He looked up to see a now-dressed Abby hovering in the doorway, shifting from foot to foot.

“That was Carol, they had to cancel.”

Abby snorted and smirked. “I’ll bet they did.”

He smiled back. “Anyway, we won’t have to sit through that now. It wasn’t one of my best ideas.”

“You don’t say.” His wife was back to normal, if the eye rolls were any indication.

He took her in, trying to screw up his courage and finish what he’d been about to say before the phone call, when she interrupted.

“I’m starving. Can we get Chinese?”

“Yeah. Sounds good.”

He deflated as she grabbed the phone and called their usual place for delivery.

Abby deserved better, he decided, than a rushed “I love you” as a result of a fight. She didn’t get a romantic proposal—or even a proposal at all—and even their wedding hadn’t been a fairytale, though it had been both romantic and wonderful. It was better to wait, to plan...something...for that declaration. Even if the words burned inside him, she was worth the wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and feel free to yell at us below!

**Author's Note:**

> We hope you enjoy this journey! A couple of things to clarify--while it may not be the case in the early chapters, some of the later ones will almost certainly earn that M rating. After all, Abby and Luka's chemistry cannot be fought.
> 
> Also, you may recognize some dialogue snippets. Things will increasingly deviate from canon as the story goes on, but not entirely, and we don't want to not pay homage to all the ridiculous and wonderful denizens of the ER.


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